Ross Rosenberg answers the question of whether you can be both codependent and narcissistic and explains gaslighting, too.
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I am frequently asked the question, “can a person be a codependent and narcissist at the same time.” Codependents ask this question because of their distorted sense of self and personal boundaries. As susceptible victims of mind control and brainwashing, or gaslighting, their reality is turned against them. They are convinced that when they want something, they are behaving selfishly. By convincing the codependent that they are selfish or narcissistic when they try to defend themselves or want something from the narcissist, they sense of power and control is effectively neutralized. Therefore, a codependent CANNOT be a narcissist. It is just impossible. Watch the video and see …
Photo—Ross Rosenberg/YouTube
I think a codependent can also be a narcissist based on my own experience. I think the codependents who are maybe self aware and asking you… or reading about it to learn about themselves may not be the narcissistic type of codependent…. but I’ve seen codependent relationships (mother & stepfather), where my Stepfather was an overt Narcissist and my mother a Covert codependent narcissist. She is codependent in that she focuses on her partner at all times…but is also narcissistic in that she has no awareness of how her actions and choices have affected anyone else… as well she will… Read more »
Susan I have just read your colum and this is so my mum and dad my dad is an alcoholic narsassist and my mum is co depdant to him but narcsistic to everyone’s else including her children It’s so frustrating she’s so self absobered and nasty I can’t stand no more than 10 mins with her as she sees my fathers behaviour as normal and having depression and aniexty from never knowing where I stand in the world I can’t be around that enviorment as its not normal. I now say I know I am the way I am as… Read more »
I do not agree with Ross Rosenberg here.A Narc in relationship with another Narc who is dominant to him/her and victim of his/her abuse and on whom the Narc has unhealthy dependence,can subjugate to Narc partner and in this relationship,this Narc feels already powerless and so there is no question of neutralization of power n control.Moreover,this Narc too can become victim of gaslighting of his/her dominant n controlling Narc partner and can show dependent behaviours.
I agree with your comment Shehnaz…that has definitely been my observation/experience based on the codependent/narcissist relationships in my family.
A Narcissistic can be abuser in one relationship and submissive to unhealthy levels in another relationship with a Narcissist which can be bcz of trauma bonding or bcz Narc has DPD.
Hi Ross, Great interview! I strongly agree with your comments about co-dependents being perceived as selfish when they ask to have their needs met. I’ve experienced this firsthand. I also agree that co-dependents can’t be narcissists. Thanks! Terry
I agree. This is why I changed the name to Self-Love Deficit Disorder. This video explains
There is no such thing as “a co-dependent.” Please stop labeling people with diagnoses that do not exist.