Prayer comes as naturally to me as breathing, part of my childhood inheritance in which Jewish prayers fed my soul. As an adult, I added invocations from other faith traditions. Whatever speaks to my heart is what I recite, sometimes aloud, sometimes in silence. At other times, they take the form of God-versations in which I engage the God of my understanding, attempting to comprehend the goings-on on this Big Blue Marble. Lately, I have needed to up the amps on my communing with the Divine in the midst of more hatred, violence, disease, war, political upheaval and trashing of the environment than I have known in my 64 years on the planet. Sleep is interrupted as I have been waking up feeling anxious. I am not prone to anxiety or depression, but as a therapist, I recognize the signs. Sometimes overwhelming worry about things over which I have no control, rapid heart rate, butterflies in my stomach, the desire to huddle under the covers all day rather than launch myself out of bed. Of course, I do, since I have childcare responsibilities for my darling grandchildren and clients to see in my therapy practice, as well as other commitments.
I sit in my car, bouncing back and forth between music on WXPN and news on NPR as I traverse the winding Bucks County, PA roads, lately, admiring the exquisite fall foliage. It reminds me that nothing stays the same forever and of the beauty of impermanence, as reflected in Buddhist practice and the magnificence of sand mandalas which are scattered to the winds and water after being meticulously designed in rainbow hues and imbued with prayers for peace, love, compassion and healing. When I hear stories of predicted gloom and doom, my heart races a bit more and I do my best to turn away from my fears and into prayer mode. Since prayer is portable, I know the energy accompanies me in the passenger seat of my Hyundai Elantra decked out in hippie bumper stickers that make it clear what my world view is. When I wake up in the wee hours, questioning the sanity of the various situations we planetary dwellers find ourselves in, I turn to prayer which might take the form of my favorite spiritual question, “WTF?” I open to answers about both the ‘why’ of things and the ‘now what?’ and await instructions for the next steps I am to take. Lately, the time span between question and answer has been lengthier and I have had to be patient. Not something that comes naturally to me and needs to be cultivated. My prayers take the form of visualizing the outcome I desire, asking to be a conduit for its creation, asking to be a force for good in the world, asking to be able to follow the advice of Lao Tzu who made the inquiry, “Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”
Sometimes I seek the guidance of the wise people in my life, even if they are in the same predicament as I am in. Their lived experience assures me that if they can get through life stuff and uncertainty, I can too. Some have survived war and relocation, some abuse and other forms of trauma, some life challenging illness, some divorce and single parenting, some death of parents and partners, some have lost children either before or after birth. These are my resilient thrivers whose prayers for healing echo forth into the void along with mine.
May our prayers for peace, love and understanding prevail on Earth and the heavens. #LOVE
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