A look at the patterns in the 97 mass shootings over the last 34 years and how they intersect with the social pressures of masculinity.
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This article first ran on May 26, 2014, long before the horrific and tragic shooting that happened at the school in Parkland Florida, a concert in Las Vegas or a nightclub in Orlando. The shootings are still happening and the patterns are still there.
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Mother Jones, back in 2012, created a timeline that compiled mass shootings in the US from 1982 to 2012. Since then, they have kept it updated. The criteria Mother Jones used to define “mass shootings” (at least four or more dead) can be found here. The number of mass shootings is 97. The number will almost certainly have risen by the time you read this.
Some similarities between the shootings are relatively common knowledge – men were all but one of the shooters. The majority were white. Average age, 35—the youngest was 11. The killers possessed a total of 143 guns between them, more than three quarters of which were obtained legally. A majority were mentally troubled and showed signs beforehand.
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But there is one more pattern I’d like us to look at together. And that is the pattern about the events in the shooters lives that preceded the rampage. I’m not looking at why any one individual did what he did, and for this exercise let’s not look at personality traits or demographics—but I’d like to explore what the cultural forces that were precursors to the violence.
What I see is this. In the majority of cases, the catalyst for the shooting was something that threatened the man’s identity as a man. The main statistic is inarguable—69 males to one lone female. Being a man is the single most common characteristic of every mass shooting in the last 32 years. I’d prefer to think that men are not inherently more violent—most men do not become violent in their lifetimes for any reason. And while biology, strength and testosterone can’t be completely discounted, I’d rather look at whether the pressures to conform to a certain type of masculinity are so strong that not being able to do so can cause a person to break under the pressure.
The idea of men going on shooting rampages because of threats to their identity as men makes sense to me. One way to think about that idea is to look at the cases where women DO kill multiple people. In the ones that make the news, most often the victims are the woman’s own children. They are not counted as mass killers because the body count isn’t high enough. But just like the breakdown in identity that I see happening with men, when the thing that defines a woman’s identity as a women breaks down (being a good mother), she—in those most extreme of cases—feels the need to kill the part of her that is causing the most pain.
And there is no doubt these killers, men and women both, are in pain. In fact, that’s why I believe the place where these shootings happen is worth looking at—they happen in schools, they happen in the workplace, in churches, at parties—the very places where the person doing killing has been in the most pain. Sometimes the killer sets out to kill specific people, but other times it is simply a desire to kill whoever is in that particular place. When you are socially isolated you go to kill in the places where people are most social.
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To get these insights I went over the list of the mass killings and looked for the patterns in three areas: 1) the physical locations of the shootings, 2) what we learned about the reasons and motivations for the killings in confessions, notes, interviews or videos, and 3) whom the killer targeted. This is how the numbers play out:
Out of 70 mass shootings (69 men, 1 woman):
Workplace shootings 26
School shootings 12
Targeting women and/or rejection by women 6
Politics, racism, protecting oneself against “others” 6
Drug or alcohol fueled rage 3
Church and faith 3
Veteran’s issues 3
Homophobia 2
Child custody 1
Unknown or other 8
Let’s look at these patterns a little more closely and compare them to the conversations we have on The Good Men Project.
Workplace Shootings
In at least 26 cases, immediately before the shooting event, the shooter had been fired from his job, experienced severe financial distress, or got in an argument with his supervisor or co-worker. The shootings themselves took place at the workplace.
What we talk about on The Good Men Project often is how often men have their identity tied to financial success. Men are expected to be the breadwinner—often by society, sometimes by their spouse and most importantly, by a man himself. And a man who has set himself up as the sole source of financial security for his family—a man who defines himself in that way—breaks down when he loses his job or feels his financial security threatened.
Interestingly, the percentage of shootings that took place in the workplace was much higher before 2003—before the current recession. Before 2003, 68% of mass shootings were in the workplace, compared to only 20% after 2003. My personal belief is that the workplace shootings declined because when unemployment reached its current high, when layoffs and firings were more commonplace—it then became easier for a man to lose a job and not have it be seen as the end of the world. There was less shame, less pressure to be as financially successful as everyone else. When everyone is laid off, at least it’s no longer personal.
The trend in our society to not make financial success the paramount definition of being a man is a good thing. The trend to celebrate men who are present, engaged, joyous fathers instead of the automatic breadwinner is a good thing. Not having a job be the sole source of identity for a man is a way to start to think about how we can decrease the pressures of manhood and the use of violence to overcome those pressures.
School Shootings
School shootings often have the least clear catalyst. What they all do have in common is that the shooters are all “coming of age” – making the transition from a boy to a man. Unlike the workplace shootings which appeared to be a reaction to one defining event—a firing, an argument, a salary dispute—the shooters in schools often seemed to consider it some sort of a “game”. That is, it wasn’t as if there was a single event that caused them to shoot up the school. Instead, the shooters practiced in advance of the shooting, strategized, played it out in their minds over and over beforehand.
Also, when looking at students who don’t snap to this degree, we often find that the masculine codes of “don’t tattle”, “suck it up”, “don’t be a baby” keep a lot of boys from seeking help. Common themes are, “I didn’t have anyone I could talk to.” “I couldn’t tell anyone.” Exclusion by peers and bullying for not conforming to accepted codes of appearance and behavior are repeating threads in teens who feel alienated and unable to cope.
Encouraging boys to share their feelings, telling them it’s ok to have and talk about their problems, and encouraging non-conformity might be good places to start to create positive change. Another might be encouraging friendships of both genders. Also—getting young men to practice helping others. People who help others often have the highest self-esteem—because they go out and do things that are estimable.
Shootings over politics, racism, targeting of immigrants or those seen as “others”
A man’s identity is often seen as one of “protector”. In the case of the shootings in this bucket, the men felt like they were protecting themselves, their families, or America against “the bad guys”. People in this bucket kill the people they perceive as the enemy. Sometimes we see intersectionality at work — in a few of the shootings racism was combined with problems—a workplace rant about jobs being taken over by immigrants, for example. What I see is that men feel as if they have to stand up to perceived enemies as a man.
Here again, the conversation is important. Giving people permission to talk about these issues, giving people permission to care, will help open us up to change. At The Good Men Project, we share stories of all different backgrounds and cultures in the hope that information increases understanding. We talk about the effects of propaganda, racism, and how these affect the way people view “others”.
Women or rejection by women
Yes, sexism, misogyny, inability to deal with sexual rejection, and entitlement to women’s bodies still exists. Yes, we need to deal with it.
Best place to start? Talking with and treating women as equals. Encouraging men to see women as humans first, with sex taken completely off the table. Encouraging platonic friendships between the genders where each help each other succeed. Teaching consent and respect. It seems unimaginable we are still in need of progress in this area, but we know it to be true.
Other catalysts and precursors
Other precursors to the shootings were homophobia, veteran’s issues, drug or alcohol fueled rages, faith/church shootings and child support. All of which we talk about on The Good Men Project. All of which we are trying to solve through storytelling, empathy, and understanding. Recognizing, talking about and treating addiction, exploring new directions in faith, ridding the world of homophobia, and exploring men’s roles in marriage, divorce, child-rearing and custody are subjects we talk about on a daily basis.
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Finally—I don’t want to minimize the impact of mental illness. But that, too, is an issue where real progress can be made if progress is what we want to see. Men need to be able to get help for their problems without fear or shame. Emotional pain is real and devastating. Men need to understand that and they need help seeking out solutions. We need to look for warning signs and follow up immediately when we see those signs. We need to let men know it is ok to ask for help. We need to encourage friendships, sharing, and a wider, more open definition of love. We need to teach actual coping skills and actual problem solving skills to be able to deal with the inevitable loneliness, pain, anger, or lack of success that are simply parts of life. How many times have you heard some version of “just man up” instead of teaching real coping skills? And we need to continue to expand our definition of masculinity so that a man’s identity isn’t wrapped up in any one thing, but there are always a wealth of options for a long, happy productive life.
Taking out the world in a blaze of glory should be seen as the least manly thing you can do.
Let’s continue to talk about all of these things.
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With deepest respect and sympathy to the friends and families of the recent shootings, as well as all victims of violence.
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This article first ran on May 26, 2014. The section below was added after the Santa Barbara shooting became the 70th mass shooting in the United States in the past 32 years. The Marysville school shooting, with four confirmed deaths, became the 71st, on October 24, 2015.
Obviously there is more to update.
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The death of the fourth victim, 14-year-old Shaylee Chuckulnaskit, in the Marysville Washington high school shooting, means that this latest act of violence is officially a “mass shooting”, defined as four or more dead.
At first glance, this Jaylen Fryberg, the confirmed shooter in the latest incident, might be seen as not fitting the patterns of previous shootings. The narrative in the media is that he was attractive, popular, social…all of which are true. But he had recently broken up with a girlfriend, and as his Twitter feed shows, he was angry, confused, jealous, possessive…and warning people of potential danger. His identity as a man had been threatened.
As Maria Guido writes on Mommyish, “Fryberg walked into a school armed and ready to kill several of his peers and his own family members. Today it came to light that he texted all of his friends to invite them to lunch before he made his way to the cafeteria and shot them all. But he was attractive. And popular. And there was a girl involved. It’s amazing how much we are willing to forgive – and the narrative that will unfold—when the shooter doesn’t fit everyone’s idea of what a “killer” is – and when his intended target includes a girl who broke his heart.
“…A quick glance at his Twitter account, and Fryberg’s motive becomes clear. He was depressed. He was jilted. He was also exhibiting traits of an emotionally abusive partner. After death, his Twitter feed is an eerie peek into a mind gripped by jealousy and rage. And the telling tweets and retweets date back months.”
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We say, when someone does the unthinkable, that “he just snapped.” In the case of premeditated murder, the moment when one snaps is not the moment one fires the shot but the moment one makes the decision to pick up a weapon and carry out the action.
What would cause someone to snap? In looking at the patterns of the mass killings, I’d like to suggest that the moment one snaps is when the societal pressure to conform to a certain identity as a man is too great. There is pressure to be someone you just cannot be. You cannot be a financial success, or a provider for your family (because you just got fired). You cannot be the popular kid (because you are teased and bullied). You cannot be the guy who got the attractive girl (because she didn’t return your affections). You cannot be the man society tells you over and over again that you must be. And it breaks you. You snap.
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When we look at the patterns of mass shootings, the question we should be asking is not “why”? The question is “what can we do about it?”
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Read also: What We Talk About When We Talk About Men
Photo: wwwworks / flickr / creative commons
we ArE a ConFUsEd SocieTY SocieTY?
Lisa: I disagree with your post (I believe the 2nd in the entire thread) that race plays a role. You said that white men who kill are determined by the public to simply be ill, while black men are determined to be evil. I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that no more than 1 of these 60 or so white male mass shooters received any kind of non-incarceration treatment sentence in the way Mary Winkler did. She was out of the psych ward in 1 year after the trial and even won back CUSTODY OF HER KIDS. I would… Read more »
Good article.
I think its worth saying that white men are under represented as mass shooters when demographics are accounted for and there is no shortage of women that have killed men out of a jealousy and a sense of entitlement to male bodies – earlier in the year a man was murdered for saying no to sex.
So race and male entitlement to womens bodies are no issues, imo.
This article is about mass shootings.
Your comment attempts to add other types of killing to it. You’re trying to lessen the impact. For what reason I don’t know.
But let’s entertain your thoughts for a moment.
The other killings you speak of, and the issues that brought them about, don’t negate racism or male entitlement. The problems in the article dont magically become non issues because there are opposites. You just added issues.
Thanks, Lisa. Highlighting the stress that threats to masculinity can cause a male is a welcome perspective that I feel that we in the west have lost. During my time in warrior based cultures in Africa where they have a strong tradition of male initiation by a community of elders, I learned that manhood is a much more delicate thing than womanhood. Mother Nature slammed females with the bodily transformations and procreation responsibilities of womanhood. For males, the transformation is not as dramatic. Thus manhood is more a state of self-perception than physical reality. Thus, it can easily be crushed.… Read more »
A few points: 1. I really don’t think that testosterone and biology should be so lightly dismissed. An all too common theme on this site is to present ‘masculinity’ as a sort of false entity, an arbitrarily defined blank slate upon which society writes, or some perfectly malleable piece of putty which it moulds. There is a failure to take seriously the fact that men are different from women in some very significant ways, ways for which much contemporary gender theory fails to account. These differences can obviously be refracted, amplified, caricatured, exaggerated, distorted, etc. by society but, beneath all… Read more »
The American people recognize that most of the violence in the United States is perpetrated by males. What can the average male do to prevent further violence? I was raised in a religious era in the United States. From the pulpit and in Sunday School, we boys were taught “Love Thy Neighbor” and “Thou Shalt Not Kill.” We learned that all forms of violence were sinful. The church has a moral obligation to make their communities safe. These institutions seem to be more involved with eulogies and funerals than with helping their communities in these troubling times. The people know… Read more »
Re: women or rejection by women This article only covers part of that issue. These cases are not only a case of some sort of toxic masculinity or not learning enough gender equality, and relationships with women are not only about peer-to-peer relationships with women. For example, what was their relationships with their mothers? I would be very surprised if there were no significant pattern to their childhood experiences with their parents. I’d guess a greater than average chance that they were from abusive homes, or a greater than average chance of dysfunctional relationships with their mothers. (Probably a greater… Read more »
Technically, the statistics of drug referenced in this article is grossly low. The actual number is in the highest percentile because of prescription meds — SYNTHETIC drugs unnatural and unpredictably affecting young men’s still-developing brains. Raging hormones and synthetic drugs mixed with social isolation is a deadly cocktail.
From written accounts, Elliot had been in “therapy” since the age of about nine. Clearly, those therapists should be under review for malpractice, for surely they would have corrected his sense of “entitlement” during the many years of therapy. He most likely had top notch therapists, with the latest methods and procedures for combating misogyny and hatred, probably schooled at Stanford, yet none made much of a dent in the reeducation of Elliot. What should we make of the failure of professional therapy to make an impact, yet then point to message boards for evidence of root cause? Something does… Read more »
Your assessment is good and real, BUT still missing from the conversation is the fact that in nearly all of these mass shooting done by young men, the perpetrator was on — or had been on — some kind of psychological med — SYNTHETIC DRUGS, which are knows to especially cause violence in young men. These patterns of shooters having taken synthetic psychotropic drugs are well documented, yet no one in mainstream talks about it. Please, lets talk about what is a major catalyst in these mass shootings.
Agree Gina – was being a bit facetious.
The Mental Health watch dog makes the same point on the use of psychiatric drugs in the link below:
http://www.cchrint.org/school-shooters/
Therapists prescribe meds — synthetic psychotropic drugs — known to trigger violent behavior in young men’s brains.
Logically, there are several possible conclusions. If there is a correlation, correlation does not imply causation.
One possibility is that the therapy created a monster or made the situation worse.
Another possibility is that without therapy he might have been even worse. Maybe without therapists he would have gone on a shooting spree at age 15 instead of 20.
Another is that therapy had no effect one way or the other.
Thank you so much Lisa for your article. I really appreciate your article and the thoughts. By objectifying women as “targets” or “hits”, the PUA (Pick up artist) movement might be providing just the ideology Rodgers needed. It is possibly providing both the lingo of dehumanizing women as well as providing a victim identity for a whole segment of young disenfranchised (underf***ed) men. Providing a unique identity of us vs them combined with Dehumanizing is exactly what makes it possible to condition people to kill “Krauts”, “VietCong”, “Tommy’s”, “Infidels”. A movement such as the PUA movement which dehumanizes women and… Read more »
Thanks for your comment, Sschill. I am going to write a post about the power of words and I may use some of your ideas. I agree the us vs. them mentality is incredibly damaging, and continuing to develop and talk about solutions is paramount.
Per the common knowledge: Men make up the majority of the shooters. The majority also are white, average age 35. I think we need to really pay attention to this. If we are saying that the main root is men feeling pressured to conform to norms of masculinity, why is there not more racial diversity? Why are the majority white men? Don’t African American men, Asian men, men of many other nationalities feel the same pressures? Why do men of other nationalities not seem to fall into the same trap that this segment of white men are? I certainly do… Read more »
Your first line is incorrect. They are not “white” if you take percentage composition of the population into account. If there are 100 green people and 20 blue people in a population – more green people than blue stealing horses does not mean there is a larger issue with green people.
You must be blinded by your own green privilege…. : – )
Erin, “I think we need to really pay attention to this. If we are saying that the main root is men feeling pressured to conform to norms of masculinity, why is there not more racial diversity? Why are the majority white men?” I hope this point gets more attention. When John Mohammad was shooting up the DC area the conventional wisdom was that he was a white middle-aged male, because his crimes fit that profile – and so for a long time no one thought to look for a middle-aged black male and people kept dying. The point is that… Read more »
Wait. As a percentage of shooters vis-à-vis percentage of population, Asian men rank about the same as white. The Virginia Tech shooter was Korean-American.
@ Erin First, I think we need a better data source and a better description of ALL the criteria used. I googled mom kills 4 kids and got this in a few seconds. http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/05/15/11716702-florida-mother-kills-4-children-then-herself-deputies-say Seems to meet the criterion 4 people killed with a handgun, but wasn’t included. I’m also sire that there were other cases that met the criteria, but they were ignored because the murders were done in conjunction with another crime. We also have chosen to limit the discussion to gun crimes. I remember an interesting comment on another discussion. Why are almost all serial killers white… Read more »
Is part of masculinity – particularly here in America – the ability to impact the world around you in some dynamic fashion? Whether by making lots of money, gaining power over others, inventing some novelty, wearing nice suits and attending important meetings, bearing weapons to protect others, or even having the perfect house, loving wife, and smart kids? It seems that “having an impact” is the crux around which TV shows, movies, and most entertainment media build their stories. I daresay, normally, young folks in extreme states of despair would turn towards suicide, but the grandiosity of “making a mark… Read more »
Lisa’s post convinces me that we learned to be men in this country from B-movies.
What is the other all too common denominator that is rarely, if ever, mentioned in articles like this one? That many, perhaps a majority, of these men / boys were on, or have been on, some type of heavy duty psychotropic drug. Many may imply that to mean that they are “not right” or ___________ (insert your label of choice here). What is not right is the fact that 2 major pharmaceutical companies along with the AMA or APA (I do not remember which organization) were conspiring to “place EVERY eight year old in the U.S.” on medication(s) before a… Read more »
This is incredibly sad. It pains me that men have internalised patriarchal thinking so badly that we hurt ourselves and others in order to prove we’re men, within the violent, hypersexual and domineering framework we have locked “manhood” into. To all men reading this, please help save a brother. if you see a man being misogynist, or violent, or talking about hurting others to prove his masculinity, tell him he doesn’t need to. Tell him he’s as much a man as the rest of us. It will take time, and it will take effort, but please, save a brother. We… Read more »
The idea of men going on shooting rampages because of threats to their identity as men makes sense to me. Yes it does. One thing that I think gets lost in these shootings is where the help should be pointed. As I have already seen in a few comments on my “Reaching out to the Eliiots” article (namely on Reddit) trying to reach out to guys in that situation is considered a bad thing in and of itself. Its seen as giving justification to what he did and feeding a sense of entitlement. So what’s happening is that even though… Read more »
Danny, you’re absolutely right.
Now how about this Tom.
Remember a few weeks ago in the posts about what Boko Haram has been doing, namely the klling of the 59 boys in Feb and the kidnapping of the 200+ girls in April?
Remember how there was this reasoning that said the boys weren’t talked about that much because they were dead while the girls could still possibly be rescued right?
Now have you noticed how people have been so quick to jump on WHY Rodger killed those people and what can be done to keep it from happening again haven’t you?
Danny, you’re connecting the dots ……. I find that the more I read, although there may be a disconnect between articles, that eventually things become clear.
We all knew how this would play out in the progressive media… No matter what the facts are they jump to their classic “go to” Traditional White Men are to blame!
Of course this lunatic was biracial, came from a hyper progressive area, killed more men than women and didn’t fit any of the characteristics of a traditional man…
Yea its becoming clear.
Real clear that there appears to be no reason to examine why those boys were targetted and killed but we absolutely must look into why Rodger killed those people.
(I’m sure someone will say the difference is because those boys were killed in Nigeria which is almost half a world away from the killings that happened here in the US. But if that’s the case then so much focus on why those girls were kidnapped in Nigeria, half a world away?)
Thank you Lisa. Well done. I applaud GMP for having the conversation. And when you suggest a number of things we (as a society) can DO for men and boys to help shift the cultural paradigm, I see our resonance. The ManKind Project (http://mankindproject.org) is creating the spaces and teaching the skills you’re pointing to nearly every weekend of the year through our trainings, and every night of the week through over 1000 men’s groups across the USA and around the globe in 9 regions. Communication skills, personal responsibility, emotional intelligence, learning new coping mechanisms, breaking out of social isolation,… Read more »
Per the common knowledge: Men make up the majority of the shooters. The majority also are white, average age 35. I think we need to really pay attention to this. If we are saying that the main root is men feeling pressured to conform to norms of masculinity, why is there not more racial diversity? Why are the majority white men? Don’t African American men, Asian men, men of many other nationalities feel the same pressures? Why do men of other nationalities not seem to fall into the same trap that white men are? I certainly do believe that feeling… Read more »
Actually white men are under-represented when you look at things proportionally to population. Of course we could ‘splain that by saying they are less likely to snap because of privilege.
We are bound, set and determined to blame this on progressive feminism’s favorite bugaboos regardless of the gender of people killed, history of mental illness, history of violent ideation, the fact that the killer was bi-racial… We all knew the plot that would play out the minute this happened.
For all the “misogyny” -ie woman hatred expressed by Elliot Rodgers it is worth notng that two of his victims were women as opposed to four men- yet again the greatest sufferers/victims of male violence are NOT women or even children of either sex but other men!
True; he also killed his roommates. He ended up hating everyone, really.
But his misogyny is really the main point. Have you read his manifesto?
I think that was the result of poor planning, not equal-opportunity bloodlust.
Since a mass shooting is four or more dead (by shooting) and 3 were killed by knife, 3 by gun and 1 by car, isn’t this officially NOT a mass shooting? You cite the classification yet ignore that it doesn’t qualify under the same classification. His masculinity had nothing to do with his mental issues. Since the age of 8, he was seeing a therapist because he wanted revenge against the bus driver for yelling at him. His parents called the police on him because of his videos and the police never bothered to check the videos. This, like colorado,… Read more »
Lisa, I just want to say thank you for trying to be even-handed. This whole thing is…it just saddens me. Even when I express it, people call me the bad guy all of a sudden. Why am I the villain for wanting balanced coverage of this issue? That toxic masculinity alone isn’t solely to blame. That the motivations were not only based on hatred of women. I’m all too acquainted with the notion that both genders face issues, that it isn’t only men capable of killing and harming. To deny this means denying a part of me that was hurt… Read more »
This site advocates for a lot of social liberal policies such as open relationships, sexual liberalism and behavior that borders on the irresponsible. You left out the role of divorce in these mass shootings. The shooter himself in his “manifesto” cited his parents’ divorce as a reason for his behavior. Adam Lanza the Newtown shooter, a child of divorce. I could go on, but one thing seems clear that the people who are responsible for these killings are more often than not the children of divorce. While many children of divorce turn out just fine, too many manifest destructive behaviors,… Read more »
“child of divorce” …. We already know the devastating affects fatherless homes have on kids but this brings all of this to another level. 1. Most child custody goes to the mom and 2,) most divorces are initiated by the women. Yet much of the focus is on the “male” perpetrator. Is part of the solution right in front of us? Are we ignoring the elephant on the room? and if we are, why? Who is gonna be the first to step up and say it? Yeah, women have had a tremendous affect on how men/boys are today. Perhaps it’s… Read more »
I am just wanting to ask readers, re: the importance of mental health treatment, what kind of care/treatment do they think might have prevented the young male perpetrators from acting on their premeditated hatred , and seeming belief that others have caused all of their pain. The Rodger’s family appears to have sought mental health intervention for their son from a young age, and was seen mental health professionals for many years? It seems that kids need to be checked out regularly for their coping skills, in the society they find themselves in. I feel disheartened that this young person… Read more »
Lisa, Thanks for raising these issues opening Good Men to a dialogue with our community. I’ve been working with men for more than 40 years and there clearly aren’t simple answers to the kind of violence we are seeing. I would suggest that looking at these kinds of “mass shootings” might take our attention away from the more common ways that violence occurs. For instance, the World Report on Violence and Health by The World Health Organization (http://www.who.int/violence_injury_prevention/violence/world_report/en/summary_en.pdf) describes three types of violence: Self-Directed violence including suicide Interpersonal violence including family and partner violence and community violence Collective violence, including… Read more »
Thanks Jed, I like your idea of looking at violence from an interconnected and holistic view. However, I still believe there is value to looking at just this subsection because it *is* so specific. The reasons leading up to the violence were the parts of life we talk about all the time — losing a job when you are a provider for the family, relationships and rejection, identity as a man. Just because so few people ever actually go out and do a mass shooting doesn’t mean the what leads up to it isn’t important. I do in fact believe… Read more »
Lisa, I agree. We need to look and discuss at all levels. I thought it was interesting that so many of the killings are in workplace settings, followed by school settings. We spend a lot of time there, and for many males these places are settings of disconnection and shame, surrounded by others who seem to be getting the “goodies.” Very useful exploration. Thanks for going deeper with these questions, right while they are on people’s minds.
EXACTLY! “Places of disconnection and shame.” That’s a huge insight Jed. I’d love to see a post from you about some of the things we’ve been talking about here. Your posts do very very well when they run, you are developing a great following for your work.
Thank you, Lisa, for writing this thoughtful essay….and the questions you ask are crucial…we need to continue these difficult conversations….It is mind-boggling how someone gets from rejection, to anger, to violence, and then to murder….the UCSB shooter is someone’s kid and it is just scary to imagine what happened while he was growing up…
I rejected someone long ago and he stalked me….to think that someone has some dastardly plan for revenge and violence for someone he claimed to have once loved is unbelievable…but I see there is so much hatred that hides behind a benign mask….
Thanks Leia. Difficult as these topics are, it’s exactly why we have to keep talking about them.