Psst… fellow dudes. I’ve got a secret for you.
This whole Planned Parenthood thing, doesn’t just affect women. I mean, it does mostly… sure. But check it out.
Do you enjoy sexual activity? Are you pretty stoked about not having any STDs? Are you maybe sleeping with people who aren’t making a zillion dollars a year?
Planned Parenthood provides free or discounted STD tests, treatments and education. They also give out condoms, which like… means you may not have to buy as many in an awkward UBER stop on the way home from the bar.
Like boobies? I like boobies. I like them cancer free, myself. Mostly because cancer sucks and girls with cancer are busy thinking about other stuff and not your access to boobies.
Planned Parenthood provides access to free or discounted cancer screenings, HPV vaccines and screenings, PAP smears, all sorts of stuff.
But dude, you’re in a long term committed relationship and don’t have to worry about all that, you say? That’s rad! I’m excited for you, but dude… now that you’ve solved the STD problem you gotta worry about an accidental Mini-Me cause you’re not making zillions of dollars either and those kids just NEVER STOP WANTING TO EAT.
It’s cool though, Planned Parenthood has you covered, bro. They provide free or discounted availability to doctors who can prescribe the pill. Now, sadly, the great magicians of the Pharmacology world have not yet figured out a way to make a pill that stops dudes from growing little Michael Phelps’ who just go for that Olympic Gold egg, so your female partner is going to have to make the decision for herself if the pill is right for her, but Planned Parenthood has all the information on that too. They’ve even got fancy implants that goalie stop those little Phelps for months on end so you can keep on enjoying not having children together.
Do you also enjoy not having children with that super hot person you don’t really know, but maybe after a few drinks you connected emotionally and spiritually enough to dance the wild wu-tusu? Maybe that corner store condom had been on the shelf and wasn’t up to the rigors of the task?
Yes, it is true, in addition to all the other things Planned Parenthood provides, they also provide access to abortions and Plan B. If you’ve ever been faced with someone making this decision, it’s rough. It’s not easy, often times on both sides. While they do perform the operation, they also provide counseling and education surrounding abortions.
So, if you’re super against that small part of their services, that’s cool. I get that I won’t be able to change your mind. It’s a super valid position to exercise your personal freedoms not to use those part of their services. It really is…
But, here’s the other thing. They’re not for you, and this is not just for any one individual interest. This is one of those things that affect everyone. If you’re standing on the side of those who want to take away all these those from people to comply to your personal, very reasonable choice not to utilize, you’re also losing your access to STD, cancer free boobies. And if your tango partner has no access to affordable, safe pregnancy management resources, that means you’re now 50% of a little sleepless, endlessly hungry, expensive half-clone’s entire world.
Just think about that the next time you meet that special someone at 2am, just before the lights turn on. Save the boobies, save the world.