Christin Myrick has something to say to the good men of the world: thank you.
I know there are a lot of articles out there about what men should know or shouldn’t know, what men should be or shouldn’t be, but I am going to tell you upfront; this article is different.
Why?
This article was born from a small and seemingly insignificant event that generated a tsunami of deep gratitude.
Last week, my brother went to trial. He was asked to go into a court room and face our father, a terrible and violent man who has inflicted upon us a lifetime of abuse.
My little brother whom I raised, and loved, and cared for as my own, whose nightmares I soothed and to whom I fed his favorite peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches (cut into the shapes of small guns).
My little brother went into this battle to face a monster that threatened our family. From the outside it may seem like a trivial fight, but I see it differently. This boy was asked to do something awful and difficult, knowing that it will be one of many, many battles and he stepped into it simply, with his head held high.
I have never been so proud in all my life.
He walked into the fire a boy and emerged a man, a very good man. I realized, somewhere between my relief and nightmares, that this same warrior symbolism is playing out all over the world in experiences big and small.
To the good men out there, what I want you to know is this:
- Thank you for fighting to make the world a better place, for fighting the good fights, the bad fights, and especially the ugly ones.
- Thank you for striving to improve your selves, for learning about women, about masculinity and about real strength. I have learned true honor and valor from you.
- Thank you for going out every day to provide – whether you provide food, safety, or love in abundance. Thank you for what it takes to be a man and give the way you do.
- Thank you for the times you have shown me your weakness. Not necessarily in front of everyone, or as a proclamation, but in the shadows of night – when the day is over and you can rest. I see it cross your sleeping face, how difficult life can be, how cruel people can be to you, and it is an honor to hold that safe. I hold your secrets safe and find you even more incredible for sharing them with me.
- I respect you. I respect your work, your truth, and your love. I respect who you are because you are a good man. I have no idea what that is like for you, but I respect it.
- Thank you for being a good father, brother, husband and partner. For going out and doing what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it, when your tired, and on the brink of giving up, still you carry on – for the sake of us and our family. Your heart is so amazing.
- Thank you for loving me, for you truly must. Thank you for loving me when I am crazy, hormonal, beautiful, perfect, raging, storming, calm, generous, receptive or any of the other incredible myriads of my existence. Thank you for loving all of me.
- And last, thank you for letting me love all of you. You are good and kind, a warrior, a lover, and a king. I love you for your light, your generosity and humor. I love you for your darkness, your rage and deliberation. Who you are is beautiful and so multi-faceted it would take me a lifetime to know all of you, and I love you anyway.
Thank you for who you are and who you help me become. I am a better woman, because you are a better man.
Photo— bradleypjohnson/Flickr
Thanks.
And if the brother became a good man then the woman that raised must be a good woman.
That’s what I’m talking about.
Dear Christin,
Thank you.
I now realize the importance of being a responsible father, a loving husband & a proactive employee.
Keep rocking!
How lovely, Christin. Thank you too!
That’s great; he is truly valorous. But … and of course, you knew there was a “but,” didn’t you? … those of us who have never done anything so brave, are we still good men? I look at myself. I work in an office. I push paper. I watch a lot of TV and internet. I’m not an alpha male; I don’t do anything great. I’ve never come close to doing anything brave, and probably never will. Am I still a Good Man? I look at myself. I’m not a Good Man. I probably barely qualify as a good man.… Read more »
So…do you suck? I mean, I guess we have to take you at your word. Volunteer anywhere? Paint? Create/write game code? Are you a good friend? We’ve created a society wherein if you aren’t “big” in some way, you suck. But aren’t there day to day things that we all do that make us better people?
I guess I’m good at being a drama queen on the internet.
You’ve never done anything brave? You’ve *never* faced a fear you have? I do, every time I don’t scream like a baby when I see a spider & my son is around. That’s brave. It doesn’t have to mean fighting off someone trying to hurt someone, it can be pushing aside a fear for the sake of someone else. I do not believe that someone can get to adulthood & have never done anything brave. Bob-O, I think you sell yourself short. The whole idea of “man-up” is a laughable joke to most women I talk to, including myself. I… Read more »
Hi Bob-O ~ I am actually really glad you asked this question – I will be honest I had to sit with it for awhile and ponder. Luckily, I am a good ponder-er. 🙂 What IS a good man? What makes one man good and another not? There are so many answers to this question I think we would need one week and many, many comments. Through my particular lens – I see being a good man not as a behavior or an accomplishment. Yes, what my brother did had valor and bravery, and it is only one way that… Read more »
It means doing the ‘Right’ thing. Not neccessarally the easy thing, or the more pleasurable thing, or maybe even not the more rewarding thing. You look deep in your soul and you’ll see what the ‘Right’ thing is. Hey it might turn out to be one of the above, but if it’s not, you still have to go with it. Do that and your well on the path to being a ‘Good Man’.
Oh, and by the way, THANK YOU Christin. Your thoughtful article definitely made my day!
“I’ve never come close to doing anything brave, and probably never will.”
Last week you defended me when some guy insulted me. It may have been small to you but it meant a lot to me.
Thanks, Jimmy, that was really nice to hear.
I’m not sure how to respond to this article. I have a deep admiration for your appreciation, but at the same time, I don’t want to sound as though I proclaim myself a “good man.” (It’s a process, not a destination, and it’s not really a title you can give yourself.)
These words are quite inspirational and loving, and provide a direction for which to strive. Thank you.
Well said, I agree!
Hi Web – I have to say I agree with you – being a good man is a process, an evolution and a journey! No one ever ‘arrives’, right? I think that’s why we refer to it as ‘being’ a good man and not ‘doing’ the good man thing. It’s a state that we show up in, unfurl and discover throughout a lifetime.
Thank you for your comment – I appreciate the candor and honesty that you provide.
I opened this article expecting to read 8 things that I should remember to do.
Then your words hit me in the gut and choked me up a little. I don’t think I’ve ever been thanked for being a man.
You make me want to be a better person. Thanks.
Wow, Jimmy, your comment spoke straight to my heart – your words transmitted the rawness of your experience very well to me. It was a difficult piece for me to write and I am grateful for your receiving it so well and openly.
Hey no kiddin. I was at a conference with thousands of people and had to pull my hat low because my eyes started welling up. But then I thought about it some more and realized it’s the same old trick. I’m just a disposable tool that’s gonna get thrown away when I break. I don’t get equal rights, I don’t get equal funding, I don’t get equal consideration in court, no I get a fucking pat on the head. “good boy” is what I get for breaking my back and struggling to always protect people and do the right thing.… Read more »