John Pearson has done things as a dad that he would have considered beyond tedious as a single man. But know he knows something magical that he did not know then. Here’s his story.
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Ninety percent of Parenthood is “putting up” with what would have seemed like drudgery to your single self and finding magic in those moments.
One such moment came this past weekend at a dance recital that included fifty or sixty kids, one of whom I knew. One.
Yes, it is as glamorous as it sounds.
Before I actually had kids, I can tell you what my reaction would have been when my wife said we were going to her sister’s daughter’s dance recital. I would have pondered ways to create flu-like symptoms or some type of work event that “I just can’t get out of.” I would have gone but would not have considered enjoying it.
These are the things you do when you are in a family. These are also the things that shock you when they become a bonus of being in a family.
It does not matter if you are the uncle by marriage, aunt by blood, parents or grandparents, everyone does the same thing. You grab the program and risk a paper cut by finding out just how many ballet solos, hip-hop trios, and peculiar routines to every over-played pop song you need to sit through before the ONE that matters.
My wife saw that our niece Ainsley would be a part of a routine to a mash-up (word that was formerly hip until “Glee” came to be on TV) of “I Wanna Be a Cowboy” and “Wild Wild West”. This would happen approximately fifteen songs into the show.
Now, if you thought we could maybe sneak out during intermission, oh, you are a rookie. There would be several more dances and then intermission. Then, there was a number which included every current member of the school including our niece.
We counted down to when our niece Ainsley’s routine with about 20 other girls was coming: Five (Hey, doesn’t it look like they just pulled the antennae off of some bumblebee costumes to make those?), Four (Wait, when is my three year old son going to lose interest and start disturbing the peace?), Three (My three year old son pulls me by the collar and says, “Daddy, this is awesome!”), Two (Hey, that kid just picked his nose), One (Uh oh, someone is breaking the first law of all Dance School Recitals: When trying to sneak a video of your kid’s routine rather than paying for a DVD copy from the school, use your phone. Your iPad is way too obvious!)
And then, came the moment we were waiting for! Somehow, we experienced absolute glee over hearing two songs that I remember hearing twenty years ago or so but never remember ever listening to all the way through. My three year old hopped onto my lap and pointed and gasped, “Aaaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnssssssleeeeeeyyyyyyy! Ainsley is dancing!”
For three minutes the kids skipped and mimed riding horses and lassoing……well they never actually threw their imaginary lassoes but it was still cool to see. Again, remember 25-year-old me, heck, 35-year-old me would have given myself a nasty headache from having my eyes rolled back in my head if I was watching something like this.
The surprising part was the pride I felt for Ainsley. Sure, I would expect to be welling up with pride if I saw one of my kids doing this. Oddly, I am related to this girl only by convincing her aunt to roll the dice and marry me.
Yet, here I was with a little tear in the corner of my eye as this twelve year old navigated around the menagerie of fellow faux cowgirls up on the stage at a Community College theater. I will always remember seeing Ainsley having actual dance moves and coordination.
(Part of the pride comes from the fact that on at least ten occasions I have seen the same girl trip and fall while standing still!)
From there, we knew we just needed to get through intermission. Five songs later, we were able to do the “Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, pardon me” dance as people slid their legs but not their feet out of the way. I was given the diaper change duty (duty, not doody) and the others found the ladies room.
For some reason, we thought once Ainsley’s second routine was over that we were heading down the home stretch. We were mistaken.
The show began again and I believe that everyone who had ever gone to this dance school or had driven by this dance school was on stage in our line of sight between our three-year old Miles, me and Ainsley. Again, she did a terrific job, Miles was giddy!
In these situations, do not dare to believe it is over! Being that there are the final bows at the end, you do know that you will be in for about an hour and fifteen minutes more of kids you do not know performing dance routines that really do not have much to do with the Disney songs and mostly out-of-date pop songs that overmodulated the auditorium.
My little guy Miles outsmarted us all. The second that Ainsley was done, he turned around in my lap, slammed his face in my chest and passed out. This is quite the trick. The first sign that he was out cold for the duration was the warm drool that I could feel on my shirt.
One minute later, the people in the row behind us and the row in front of us were serenaded by a sound that perhaps only a wildebeest would make. Miles was snoring loudly enough to drown out some NASCAR races.
Heads snapped around because every person who was here to see his or her little princess dance was ready to pounce on any adult who dared snore during this presentation. They still seemed annoyed even at Miles but let it slide. However, they did expect me to put an end to it somehow.
I moved him from one shoulder to the other. No luck
I spun him to face forward. The wildebeest just got louder.
I was also trapped with sixteen filled seats to my left, fourteen seats to my right and a directive that no one should interrupt the show.
Sorry, everybody but Miles Pearson and his snoring would be accompanying the dancers for the rest of the recital.
Now, I do not know if you have had a sleeping child laying on you with no chance of moving but there is no way to avoid having it sap your own strength.. The heat this 30-pounder put out started to have a Kryptonite-like effect on my eyelids.
“Must……not……fall…..asleep….Can’t…..have…..strangers…..judge…..me….”
Uh oh. My head is starting to bob! Can anyone resist the power of sleeping child on your consciousness?
Then, it hit me. My energy boost came from one simple feeling. This is just a long hug from my little guy. This was A Moment. Again, before these tiny people came into my life, the idea of being crammed into a seat in a theater that was not showing a Bill Murray movie or a U2 concert would have been a nightmare.
Instead, a big smile overwhelmed me. Yes, there was still about an hour left in the show but this was my second magic moment that only came because I was in a real family. I went from having all energy sapped from me to holding one of the reasons it was great that I happened to exist.
The show ended. Dads reached down under the seats to find the flowers that they had avoided stepping on throughout the afternoon so they could show their daughters how proud they were.
Of course, now I was jealous because I wanted to hand my little girl a bouquet.
Everyone got a chance to bow and soak in the love from basically a bunch of strangers.
This is one of those times that you only get with family. What would have been the worst of times before these people were around was now a day that makes me understand life is pretty unexpectedly spectacular when you let people into it.
Photo: Flickr/Bill &Vicki T
I can’t speak from personal experience, I am a single dad life of a single dad is no picnic.If you think about it, they have to juggle work, kids’ activities, social life, working out, food shopping, other errands, family obligations and the alone time we all crave. It’s overwhelming! Some single dads aren’t great parents. In fact, some are awful, as are some single moms. But I know countless single dads who are amazing men, thoughtful, loving fathers who give fatherhood their all. So, in honor of Father’s Day, I’d like to celebrate single dads and thank them for all… Read more »