Garrett Imeson wants you to know the five reasons he does not want to know the sex of his un-born child before its birth. You will have to agree with reason #5. It is a show stopper.
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My wife and I are expecting our first baby in June of this year. In particular, my wife is a planner and a self-professed Type A personality. The nursery is starting to come together, baby clothes are being purchased and we are even already debating what our baby’s first outfit home will be (we are leaning towards something representing our joint alma mater, the University of Washington). That being said, many are surprised to hear that we are deciding not to find out the gender of our baby.
Close friends are having a hard time coping with this decision. Extended relatives are certainly flummoxed. Despite this, a Gallup poll done in 2007 tells us that we are not alone. In that poll, 51% of people stated that they would refuse to find out the gender. However, people in the 18-34 demographic (where my wife and I reside) preferred to find out the gender of their baby in advance 66% of the time, putting us in the minority of our peers. When asked why we aren’t going to find out, we have five major reasons.
- So Few Surprises in Our Modern World
Please don’t see this as me bashing modern technology. I’m as attached to my smartphone as anyone out there, both for work and for fun. But if there is a downside to all this technology, it is the fact that there are so few genuine and pleasant surprises left in the world. Most women, my wife included, will tell you that us men telegraph our proposals, so not even that is truly a surprise. I don’t have a spot to hide my Christmas presents without them being found. I can’t even log on to Facebook without finding out that Beth died on The Walking Dead before I can watch the episode. The ability to be well and truly surprised is something that I can’t wait to experience.
- We’ll Be Excited Either Way
You ask just about any father and you’ll find out that the best days of their lives are when their children are brought into their lives. It is a moment that makes even the most macho of men reminisce with emotion. Even Super Bowl champions rank having children as the best days of their lives. The small milestones in the experience of pregnancy, like the first great ultrasound and hearing a heartbeat, have all been so incredible that I can only imagine the life-changing, incredible feeling that will come when I first hold my child. Whether or not I am holding my son or my daughter, it will undoubtedly be the best day of my life so far.
- Avoiding Pre-Set Gender Stereotypes
Preparing things for Baby T.B.D. (my pet name for my future child) in a gender neutral fashion is more difficult than we imagined going in. It is easy to think “boy means blue and girl means pink.” But when you do not know what you are having, things get a little more limited. My wife and I recently went shopping at a clothes store devoted to baby and toddler clothing. As soon as you walk in, one side says “Boys” and the other “Girls.” There is no section for people not finding out their gender. “Daddy’s Little Princess,” obviously out (and I have more issues with that anyway). Really adorable clothing is emblazoned with phrases like “Mommy’s Handsome Boy.” That’s out. Not finding out helps us break out of these stereotypical gender roles. I’m going to be the dad who does tea parties or throwing a football (or both) and it doesn’t matter if I have son or daughter.
- Birth is the Ultimate Gender Reveal Party
One of the popular things for expecting parents to do right now is have a gender reveal party or photo (yes, my wife has exposed to Pinterest, in all of its crafty glory). And those can be absolutely adorable. However, I go back to very early on in the pregnancy. We had found out we were expecting a baby and I was agonizing about how to tell my family. I thought of all kinds of cute and fun reveals. But then I got our first really good ultrasound picture. Baby T.B.D. looked like an adorable Gummy Bear. In the end, I decided the best way to announce it was to send my family a picture of that first ultrasound. It was perfect. And I think the best way to tell everyone in our lives the gender of our baby is with a picture (or, even better, with a baby in hand!).
- Baby T.B.D. is Stubborn!
My wife has had an extremely difficult pregnancy, with a condition known as hyperemesis gravidarum (more on all that in later posts). That being said, we’ve been visiting our midwife regularly. We’ve been having weekly or bi-weekly appointments in a time in pregnancy when most women see their medical professional once a month. I think I’m probably the most well-known man in that clinic who doesn’t work there. We’ve gotten to know our midwife well. So when the time came for one of our many ultrasounds, around week 21, our midwife said she just had to find out the gender, even if she wouldn’t tell us. A few minutes into the ultrasound, she promptly announced that our baby had tucked the umbilical cord between its legs, rendering a gender determination impossible. If our baby doesn’t want us to find out, we are in no position to argue!
Photo: Flickr/Ashley Hylton