Don't Call Me an Adult. Ever.

Once Jon Vaughn had a daughter, he didn’t want to grow up. Ever.

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Since I was a child I have heard the term ‘adult’ and it has always bothered me. When a children question their parents with “Why,” we respond with, “Because I am the adult.”

Let’s get two things straight: First, we are all children if we are anything; and secondly “Because I am the adult” is not a complete sentence so stop saying that to children. It is counterproductive to what their teachers are trying to do.

When my first daughter was born, I was awarded custody when she was still an infant. I had just turned 21 years old, and while my friends were introducing themselves to bars, nightclubs, and booze, I was at home trying to figure out how to relieve an ear infection at 2am. We lived with my parents for the first few months to save money and get our own four feet. Working full time, dropping her off at day care in the mornings, getting her after work, and then doing the normal things we expect out of any single mother.

It was one day that I simply got tired of it. Not the hustle a working single parent is required to do, but the input I was getting from my parents and others. It felt like I wasn’t doing anything the right way. One night, after my dad said, “This is too early for her to go to bed. Why is she going to bed now?” That was it. After I laid my daughter down, which was 7 pm because I truly believe in the power of sleep, especially for infants, I asked my parents to meet me in the living room and I said this, or very close to it:

I appreciate your advice and providing this roof over my head while I’m working to get our own place, but let me enjoy being a parent by learning along the way. I don’t need to know everything, nor do I want to. I want to enjoy these moments with her.

After I said that, I was liberated. I stood up to my adults and it only took 21 years to do it. I wanted to learn through experience with my daughter, and not have the patterns that parents commonly pass on to their children of what is right and what is wrong. I realized that it is just what they know. She is one of the only people in this world that I am willing to stoop down to her level because we can connect that way. It is not uncommon, on a hot day here in Bakersfield, for us to play Hide ‘N Seek inside Target®. We sing karaoke songs together, and since I play guitar, I learn her favorite songs for her to sing them.

Being an adult can create disconnect with your children. If you can find the common things you enjoy doing with each other, whether it be baseball or music or art or playing games, do them. Quit acting like an adult and start acting like a child again and you’ll see relationships blossom faster than ever before.

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