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The role of a father is an important life role—being responsible for the future of your children is a priority on a separate list, with just that one golden line that no other obligation can ever get close to.
I know that it can be difficult to extract yourself from life itself and just think about being a father, especially because it keeps presenting you with tough challenges, but there’s so much at stake and this matter needs to be taken most seriously.
Fathers and Daughters
It’s not my intention to overstress a father-daughter relationship and treat it as if it were more important than a father-son or the relationship that mothers need to develop with their children because they are all different and, equally important.
But, being one of three daughters, the father-daughter universe is significantly closer to me, which is why I’d like to elaborate on its laws of physics.
WHY
First, we need to discover the core of the issue. I believe that it’s crucial to always be aware of why developing a healthy father-daughter relationship is imperative, so that even in the most difficult and darkest of times you always feel close to your daughter—like you were being pulled towards her by gravity.
The Most Influential Man in Her Life
The way your little girl sees you will be the way she sees men later in life. I personally believe that not everyone is ready to be a parent and that the level of readiness for this kind of responsibility should be measured in an appropriate manner, although our society acknowledges this to be a human right, but this is another subject—my focus here is embracing this responsibility.
The minute your daughter is born, and even before that, when you find out that you’re welcoming a little girl into our world, is when you need to accept the fact that your priorities have switched, and that it’s up to you to nurture, provide and shower with love this new innocent being as long as you’re alive.
Her Future Love Life Depends on You
Even when you’re long gone, that father figure you have been building for years will linger on and appear in many different aspects of your daughter’s life. You need to understand that she will raise her children as you raised her, and that your little girl will transfer that wisdom she first learned from you onto future generations.
Let’s go back for a second to a time before the kids even arrive, and revise your impact on her romantic life in the future. You know, man-haters don’t magically appear—it takes a really long time for a woman to grow into one.
Therefore, if you provide your daughter with security, but enable her to grow into a strong person, she will be able to trust men and develop healthy relationships in the future. A father’s presence has as much of an influence as the lack of such a presence – it’s a role that has the same impact on a person whether you decide to play it or not.
There’s one more thing that you should have in mind—over-showering your daughter with attention and fulfilling her every wish, even if it’s something unreasonable, will have severe consequences, although your actions come from the brightest place in your heart. This timeline will create a spoiled, materialistic person who will expect men to do everything for her, while giving nothing in return.
HOW
Father-daughter relationships can’t and shouldn’t be patterned—each one is different and precious in its own way, which is what makes them so special. However, there are three different aspects that need to be covered that all fathers should have in mind, as far as I’m concerned.
Quality Time
You need to be there, and not just when times are tough. I’m sure you can come up with various excuses that can justify your absence—like staying longer at work because the whole family needs more money, or being too influenced by different life problems that make you anxious and unable to relax and spend quality time with your family.
When compared to your daughter’s future happiness, none of these or any other reason is good enough. You probably keep reassuring yourself that there will be enough time tomorrow, next week or the week after that, but the real harsh fact is that time waits for no one and it will go right by you.
I have a vivid memory of my father teaching me to draw and color within lines, which is, unfortunately, among the rare good times we spent together. An activity like this is an excellent way to bond—even if you both suck at doing it, you can still have a lot of laughs. Drawing is something you can actually learn to do and get better at, so both of you can make progress together and grow while you deepen your relationship.
Right and Wrong
I believe that people learn during their whole lives, intentionally or not, and the older you get, the more personal experience there is to share with your children. Talking to your daughter about different life situations and the way people are is an important lesson she mustn’t skip. It’s just another way to prepare her for the world out there, lower that number of her potential mistakes and remove a significant amount of confusion regarding social interactions.
For her to truly learn about the difference between right and wrong, you need to be able to distance yourself and allow her to make her own judgment calls and develop healthy deduction skills. This isn’t easy at all, because you can easily transfer your own convictions onto her and fill an innocent mind with groundless resentments or paranoia unintentionally.
Having in mind that you’re her authority figure and that she actually listens to what you say, even when you don’t realize it, should serve as a constant reminder to think before you speak and be sure of the truthfulness of your words.
Emotional Support
There’s a period when most fathers put a strong barrier in their relationships with their daughters and that is the critical teen period when they start growing into women. You need to understand that this is a confusing period for them as well – the fact is that your boyhood had different stages and you can never fully comprehend what she’s going through, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do your best to try.
The bottom line is you don’t want to miss your daughter becoming a grown up because that exact period is when she will develop strong characteristics that will later be a part of her personality. Naturally, this is something she needs your help with, whether she realize it or not, so be there for her. I can’t promise things will go smoothly – the chances are they won’t – but your effort won’t be unnoticed.
Besides, it will take a longer time to get to know her as a grown women if you skip this transitional period, because you’ll keep wondering where certain new things came from and thinking about how that isn’t the little girl you once knew. Being a part of her growing up phase and helping her do so won’t create this void in your relationship.
I’m sure that not all neglected daughters grow into troubled women – a percentage of them manage to find their path and develop a healthy mind. However, I’m sure that in both cases consequences exist and that the difference is in the levels of their severity. Every father-daughter relationship is a complicated universe that has a lot of unexpected occurrences whose nature you can’t really control, but the most comprehensive part of its timeline is in your control.
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Photo: GettyImages
As the father of a girl, I can attest to this an much much more.
We talk about how it benefits her, but I have a news flash for you, it’s great stuff for us too. I can’t imagine life without my, now adult, daughter, and the trip was half the fun.
Love it ? .. Thanks
I would add that guys dads should be aware that the small things in life, things between them count and are remembered more then you would imagine. When my daughter was small, pre-school age, her favorite move was Mary Poppins. Just about every night, she’d be cuddled next to me while we watched the movie. By the time the movie got to the old lady selling seed for the birds “Feed the birds” song, she would be asleep and I’d take her to her room and put her down. Fast forward to the “father/daughter” dance at her wedding. As the… Read more »
Awesomesauce, Tom.