Modern Dads are often find themselves disempowered and are depicted as lame. Here is why and what you can do to not be a lame Dad!
The unfortunate truth is that women have plenty of reason to be disappointed in the lack of support in their families. So often, their partners aren’t really being the man the family needs.
But why?!? This week, I explore the root of the problem & how to change it.
The important truth is that we can be fantastic parents that can provide just as much love and support as our wives. AND we can know just as much joy from the wonders of being of being an engaged parent.
If we are actively engaged and moms are truly supportive of our parenting, then the family thrives. We are happier, our partners get more of their needs met and love us more. We feel wanted. And our kids flourish in the solidity of this balanced family. But all to often this isn’t the case. Here’s why and what to do about it.
In this week’s video I talk about:
– The main reason why we suck.
– 1 Really important thing we can do change this.
Why is it that we Dads often feel lame? It’s actually quite a simple, but profound reason. It comes down to that’s what we think of ourselves. We think that fathers aren’t very good parents and there aren’t a lot of good role models around, either. A lot of movies show us as bumbling idiots. And where are the strong fathers in our society?
We’re all so unsure about what it is to be a strong father, that we’re left alone without a role model. Thus, we end up thinking we suck. You see a lot of fathers, our friends, colleagues, stumbling with it, fumbling with it. We go into the whole thing with fear. Our wives get pregnant. The birth is coming near. Our wives often have read more about what they should do. Then out pops our child.
Our child’s birth is an amazing moment and also a really scary moment for most of us. Can we do this? So often we think we can’t and then when it gets difficult, we just hand the child off to our wives and we continue to feel like we suck. So we do. So we’re not that engaged. We’re not that helpful. We’re not that present for our partners or our children.
How to Not be a Deadbeat Dad:
- The first step is for us to be able to sit in the bad feeling that really lives in our body of not being good at it.Insecurity is a sensation in the body. If you can come to learn to tolerate it and be with that sensation, then you don’t have to run away from it. You don’t have to distract yourself away from it, either by giving away your child or picking up your phone. Just be in that experience of insecurity, of “Oh, my God. I don’t know if I’m doing this right. Am I holding his head right? What should I do? She’s crying. How do I change a diaper.” All these things. We sit in that insecurity and come to realize that we can do it by just giving ourself a chance. We just have to try it.
- It also requires that our partners stand back a little bit and give us a chance to figure out how to do it our own way. They need to give us space to do it wrong and then figure out our way of doing it, which may be totally different from how they do it, but no worse. Sure, at the beginning they probably do know a better way. They probably did spend a little bit more time studying the whole subject or watching their friends do it. Our partners need to stand back. I talk a lot about that in another video. We need to step up, step in to that insecurity, and realize that we really can be just as good a care provider as our partners.
I hope you take this journey into your insecurity and realize you can be just as good a parent as your partner.
Thank you for joining us for another episode of Full Frontal Fatherhood. Please join the conversation below. I would love to hear what you have to say, but let’s keep it friendly. This is hard work, and we’re all doing our best.