Receiving The Blessings
Just before I started my healing journey in the early summer, my Tía suggested I say the Forgiveness Prayer every day for the next 30 days.
She’s been suggesting I do this for years.
For the past few years, I’ve been telling her: I’m not mad at anyone! I forgive them all!
She knows better. She knows I still carry the emotional burdens of my parents’ never-ending divorce, along with an array of feelings not only for my mother and father, but for my sisters, too.
She knows what I know: the little nuclear family of my birth is broken forever, and I can no longer play the role of peacemaker.
The Forgiveness Prayer, she reminded me, is not about sending actual forgiveness to those who hurt you, it’s wishing for them what you want for yourself.
If you yourself want a comfortable home and a good income, wish that for them. Send them what you want.
Though it seems counterintuitive, that’s the very essence of forgiveness. Your willingness to give what you desire most to those who hurt you the most is the ultimate act of mercy.
And so, I tried it.
For most of June and July, after waking, I sent my wishes to my mother, my father, and my sisters.
It’s now October. I’ve all but forgotten about the forgiveness prayer. I recently wondered if it had done anything at all.
Then, I remembered what my aunt told me about the prayer: the sender of the wishes begins to receive the very gifts they wished on those they were trying to forgive.
In the past months, I have received the gift of friends: their presence, their compassion, their understanding. They’ve created space for me, they’ve listened, they’ve provided insights. They have opened their networks and shared their ideas, so that I can improve and heal.
Those old feelings of anxiousness and resentment do return from time to time, but they are quelled by a text, a long phone conversation, idea sharing, or coffee with a friend. The blessings keep coming as my circle of friends keeps growing.
And there’s one other person—one other friend—that arrived as this prayer came true: Me. Though I sometimes forgot about him, I returned: the inner me, my lifelong pal, my ride-or-die, my soulmate, my best friend for life.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Unsplash
