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We are all born innocent, curious, joyful, fearless, and confident. Then through our childhood and adolescence, we are influenced by the world. Many people become a smaller version of themselves, tied up with psychic ropes. We take on invisible scripts and other people’s dreams; we listen to the naysayers and the bullies, and give in to peer pressure to try to fit in. Then we spend our adult lives trying to heal and get back to a purer, simpler version of ourselves. This explains the expanding market for coaches, healers, shamans, therapists, NLP masters, and all manner of people to help you with this process.
But what if we could teach children to be more resilient in the face of external influence? We could create a magic bubble around children so that the bad stuff would slide off like Teflon.
Given that nearly all children will encounter judgment, racism, grumpy people, failure, injury, social norms, and misunderstanding, how can we help children choose how much they want to let all these things affect them?
Lets assume that it is possible to help children create this magic shield for themselves – what might that look like?
Here are some potential things we as parents, teachers, and adults can do to give children this resilience of autonomy of self:
1. As adults, we need to model what it looks like to be resilient, free flowing with love, joy, and FUN!
2. We can encourage thought patterns to focus more on positive, solution based ideas, rather than negative thought loops
3. Teach kids how to bounce back from negative experiences by understanding their feelings and managing their reactions
4. Place a premium on generosity and gratitude
5. Maximize cross cultural exposure, teach empathy, and take them to new places
6. I know we don’t want kids to destroy all our stuff, but it’s important that they don’t hear NO all the time. Take a page from improv comedy and say YES, And…
7. Give children hard challenges and don’t punish them if they fail.
8. Teach focus. When you play with children, do so without distractions, and be 100% present. Teach them a variety of forms of meditation to enhance their focus
9. When they are playing sports or learning skills like music or art, praise effort and focus on deliberate practice – practicing in such a way that doesn’t just stoke the ego.
10. Teach your children how to be in harmony with the natural world – walk
barefoot, go hiking, plant a garden, spend time outside in the sunshine
11. Always be looking for new adventures – never let them lose the awe factor
12. Help them with an understanding of how they relate to themselves and others – interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence
13. Be overflowingly vocal about the greatness you see in them
14. Be a person who they have complete faith will show up consistently for them
15. Teach resourcefulness – how to make things happen without asking for permission or having a recipe
I’m sure there are many more aspects to creating a strong protection of personal autonomy – what do you think should be included in this list?
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I love this post dude. Had a kinda similar thing…got PND after my daughter was born and it changed my view of our role here. No parent holds their newborn and says “I hope they get a job they hate and work 40 – 50 hours a week until they die”. Although… my daughter teaches me more than I teach her.