Welcome to Portraits of Fatherhood: We’re telling the story of today’s dads.
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There is no better place to witness the changing roles of men and women in the larger culture than through the lens of parenthood. But rather than speculate on what and how contemporary fathers do what they do, we’d like to bring you portraits of the dads themselves. In their own words. Would you like to be interviewed for this feature? See the end of the post for details.
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NAME Jake Norris
AGE 29
HOMETOWN / WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? Melbourne, Australia
@TWITTER @JakeNorris85
ON THE WEB www.jakethethinker.com
NUMBER OF CHILDREN One 18 month old, with one on the way
WORK Full-time Art Director, Marketing agency
RELATIONSHIP STATUS Married
HOW DO YOU COMBINE WORK AND FAMILY? How have you, or you and your partner (if you’re partnered), arranged your life/schedule to provide the daily care for your kid(s)?
I feel like a circus clown sometimes, juggling all my commitments. I work full time, my wife works part-time three days a week. Our daughter Zoe goes to childcare on two days, and on the Saturdays my wife works, Zoe is with me. I am often conflicted between taking pride and passion in my work, and getting home on time to spend quality time with my daughter. There’s nothing more crushing than to get home just after my wife has put Zoe to bed. I feel like I’ve missed something essential to my day.
HOW HAS PARENTING CHANGED YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL?
I am completely changed. Everything I do is seen through the lens of fatherhood. Is this safe? Am I providing a good example for Zoe? I won’t have more than two drinks because I have to be a parent tomorrow. The list goes on. My first priority is always Zoe and my wife Heather. Family is paramount, even to the detriment of my career. That was a surprise.
IF PARTNERED, HOW HAS PARENTING AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIP? How often do you have sex? Is it enough? How do you communicate differently (if at all)?
This is a tough one. My relationship with my wife has taken a real hit since we became parents. Sex is infrequent and difficult to find the time for. It’s not the frequency of sex, but the reduced intimacy. We give so much of ourselves to Zoe that we are emotionally drained at the end of the day. Communication has suffered, and there are walls that weren’t there before. We fight more often and over unimportant stuff. The most important lesson I learned was that our relationship can’t be left to its own devices. We have to keep working on it. We didn’t, and it suffered as a result. We spend very little time together just as a couple (no kids), which has affected things too.
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS AS A PARENT AND WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES?
My strengths are my dedication and determination to be the best dad I can be. My weaknesses are many (keeping up with chores, getting up to Zoe at night, etc), but are less important than the fact that I am aware of and work on them.
IF PARTNERED, WHAT ARE YOUR PARTNER’S STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES?
My wife’s strengths and weaknesses are almost the same as each other. She is compassionate, caring and efficient. On the flipside, she is precise and controlling, and can be inflexible when discussing what’s best for our daughter.
WHO ELSE PROVIDES CHILDCARE FOR YOUR CHILDREN? Do you have unpaid family or friends providing help or do you have paid nannies/babysitters/au pairs?
We use daycare primarily, due to a lack of close proximity to family/friends. Occasionally a friend will watch Zoe if we have an event to attend.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PARENTING MOMENT?
I was at a playground with an enclosed, high fence. My daughter was roaming around and disappeared around a piece of equipment. I bent down to locate her and she was halfway under the fence that faced a busy road. I’ve never run so fast out of the playground, around the side and grabbed her just as she was about to step on the road. Most frightening moment of my adult life.
WHAT IS YOUR BEST PARENTING MOMENT?
It’s hard to pick, there are so many. My very first day flying solo was probably my best. I was so worried about being able to do all of the parenting duties, and that I would be enough emotionally for Zoe, who was still breastfeeding at the time. It went fine and we had a ball together. It was then that I knew that I was a good dad.
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We’re looking for a few good dads.
IF you’d like to be interviewed for this feature, please write to Lisa Duggan at: [email protected]
Please write “Portraits of Fatherhood” in the subject line.
