Pete Wilgoren wonders if Father’s Day will ever be able to compete with Mother’s Day and advocates for people to start taking the day a little more seriously.
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Father’s Day can’t compete with Mother’s Day. We are the second banana. We are the afterthought. We are the socks and ties to the flowers and chocolates. We are what happens in June after everyone blows their budgets and creativity in May. Don’t believe me? Think I’m just a whiner? According to one study, in 2012, Americans spent 14.6 billion dollars to celebrate Mother’s Day. That number was 9.4 billion for the dads. While Mother’s Day became a national thing in 1914, Father’s Day didn’t become a national thing until 1972, some 50 year later. The founder of Mother’s Day once said it was a day to honor “the person who has done MORE for you than anyone in the world.” The founder of Father’s Day said “Awww hell, shouldn’t we have a day for Dad too?” *(quote may or may not be made up)
And I get it.
There’s something about Mom. I don’t know what it is. The maternal bond of knowing that she carried you for nine months and grew you and nourished you and then gave birth to you. She pushed you out of an orifice in an ancient ritual that is clearly deserving of love and adoration and flowers and brunch. She then cuddled you and fed you and nourished you some more and, for all intents and purposes, she gave you life. Dad can’t quite hold a candle to that, can he?
Let’s just cancel Father’s Day.
Or maybe not. Once you were there in the world, Dad could really shine alongside Mom. Dad could equally be a provider and protector and role model too. Just like Mom. I admit it. I couldn’t possibly squeeze the kids out of my nether regions—and it would be quite ugly if I could—but it doesn’t mean I love the kids any less than Mom. I admit it. Some dads are dogs and have flaked on their responsibilities. That’s not me. That’s not most of us. I will be there for my kids when they need me to be (and when they don’t). I will be there to help guide them and teach them. I will be there for them just like Mom. I will be their confidant when they need one. I will be their shoulder to cry on too. One day I will be there to walk my girls down the aisle if they choose. Dad and Mom are in this together.
So, on this Father’s Day, when one company is offering tools for dads and another company is advertising shirts and ties and every other stereotypical dad gift, remember Dad with equal love to Mom. Father’s Day shouldn’t be the day when you run to the store the night before. It shouldn’t be the day to cash in your creativity and go right for the shirt or the tie or the golf tees. It should be a day to truly honor the dad in your life—the OTHER person who helped give you life. We want to know you love us. We want to know you appreciate us. We want to know we’re doing a good job at this whole dad thing, just as good as Mom. Don’t hate me because I don’t have the birthing stretch marks. I have plenty of hair loss from worrying about the kids instead. Father’s Day doesn’t have to be an afterthought.
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Originally appeared on Dadmissions.wordpress.com; Credit: Image—Pieces of the Past/Flickr
Maybe less money is spent on Father’s Day because gifts for men are traditionally significantly cheaper? Let’s take some stereotypical gifts and consider. Men, we usually suggest tools, ties, whiskey, cigar, toys. For women, we suggest jewelry, flowers, perfume, and more expensive toys. Maybe, just maybe, we aren’t under appreciating our fathers, but aren’t as pressured to spend as much money on them to get them a thoughtful gift that would make them happy. I have never once hears a man say he felt unloved because he got a cheap gift. Women, on the other hand? That’s a different story.… Read more »
From what I remember there was a study that found that the most amount of collect calls were made on fathers day, while mothers day had the most amount of long distance other than Christmas.
Gender 101
Don’t cancel it, just change the rules and customs a wee bit.
In ancient Greece, there were festivals each year in honor of the Party Gods – Dionysus, Pan, that lot. Everybody got a free pass to party down with anyone they wanted to.
A lot of dads would appreciate that a LOT more than a tie.
What do you mean by “a free pass to party down with anyone they wanted to..” Like the *reward* for being a good Dad is going out and banging any other woman you want? Would women also get that same “reward” for Mother’s Day? Instead of the endless Mother Day brunches and flowers women could ditch their famiies and go have fun with anyone who wasn’t their own family? Because that’s what a celebration of Motherhood and Fatherhood should be about? Bet the strip clubs would make tons of money that day though. A guy might as well say “F… Read more »
As far as I’m concerned, I’d just as soon see Fathers Day cancelled. It was alright when my father and father in law were alive, but when they both died within a year of each other 22 years ago, I suddenly felt alone. I suppose I’ll hide in the ‘Stone Garden’ visiting my dad. Kill at least half the day and get through the rest The Kids are all grown and gone so I’ll get calls from them (They’ll feel obligated) and i’ll really look forward to Monday .
I can’t take credit for the idea, but I’ve seen a few women who would rather see father’s day stay and mother’s day got the boot. Now before anyone writes up a knee-jerk reaction, let me explain their justification. As noted, Mother’s Day dates back almost a hundred years. It was a day to recognize mothers who carried out a particular gender role. That stereotypical gender role is fast becoming extinct, and typically only exists in the ‘older generation’. In an ideal world, after a baby is born, there should be little or no difference in how the mother and… Read more »
o let me get this right, we shouldn’t celebrate Mother’s Day anymore because we no longer have stereotypical gender roles but Father’s Day should become bigger because it’s more important to have father’s in a child’s life then a mother? No, one can not easily make the case that Mother’s Day does farm more harm to women the Father’s Day. I have no idea where you even got this and it is 100% ridiculous that you’ve even tried to say it because it’s freaking demeaning. I have never, ever, ever, once heard any Mother say she wanted to do away… Read more »
Before I say anything else, please read the opening paragraph of my post again. Let me address your second point first. The issue with fathers is that right now they are seen as expendable by women. Once the ‘deposit’ is made, the involvement a father may have is often nothing more than his child support check. We have divorce at record highs and custody goes to the fathers in 10-15% of cases. Kids don’t have dad’s in their lives. My point was that there are no shortage of mother’s in children’s lives, but there most certainly is a shortage of… Read more »
You too have become another victim of a certain someone trying to put words into your mouth. I think fathers day will never take off as long as women make the choice to raise children on their own. I listened to a Tom Leykis pod cast the other day where he interviewed a single mom who was 22 and pregnant with her 4th (third different father all of them criminals). She was living below the poverty line in a dodgy neighbour hood. This is the sort of story that is sick. Those kids have no hope. But its also the… Read more »
Jamie, how have I not addressed the exact points you made? I don’t need to read your opening paragraph again. I didn’t ignore that you said you’ve seen “a few women” say that Mother’s Day should get the boot. But this alone doesn’t a case make. In my entire life I have never, ever heard any woman say that we should do away with Mother’s Day. And even if a few women did say that, there are lots of women I am sure that would fight against that idea. It’s up to *you* to decide what side you stand on… Read more »
To spare getting into a ‘quote war’ I’m going to just agree to disagree with you on the ‘stereotypical nature’ of Mother’s Day. I don’t either of us will be changing our tune on that. I’ll also agree to disagree on fathers being expendable, since I feel society has shown it cares little for fathers. Let’s put that aside. You wrote: “It makes it sound like you in fact don’t think women should be celebrated for what they do for their families while you think men should be.” Not at all. As I mentioned in my initial post, (which you… Read more »
No. single mothers shouldn’t be getting support. The children should. I see this shit every week. Every time I go to the skate park or BMX track. These are the kids that will grow up to be those absent careless imprisoned fathers. The girls that hang around will be those 13 year old mothers. They’ll learn from their mothers. Their roles models consist of a nobody, done nothing mother who has interchangeable looser boy friends doing lines of crack off the coffee table and know Idea who their dad is. None of that money mummy gets goes toward sending these… Read more »
We had a huge family get together for mother’s day to “celebrate” all the mothers in the family. Everyone brought food even the moms almost all of it was catered. A lot of money was spent on it and I highly doubt that we’d do the same thing for father’s day. Did the father’s get cheated? Hardly, because the moms didn’t stop being mothers on mothers day. I could see them puttering around in the kitchen. My own mom spent much of her time ensuring that my brother and I has food on our plates or drinks. I saw a… Read more »
No need to cancel or modify Fathers Day. You should celebrate it as much or as little as you want to. I for one think it’s a great holiday. Meanwhile I would make a plea for MUCH more attention to Non-Parents Day, which is August 1st. I think it should be a nationally recognized holiday as well. Hallmark is really missing out on it, considering how much disposable income we’re talking about! Everyone has a mother and a father, at least biologically, but just about everyone also knows someone who doesn’t have children. I think we should celebrate all responsible,… Read more »
eugenecist.