Long Lens

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I wish my daughter had the ability to see people through the long lens of time, herself included. She’s a 15-year-old sophomore at a pretty large High School.

She walks by the jocks, and the cheerleaders on her way to lunch, maybe afraid to say “Hi”; the smart kids take up all tables in the library when she goes for tutoring; Theater geeks are rehearsing in the quad; sitting alone is the quiet girl who no one seems to know. That couple hugging by the fountain have been going out with each other forever. She hears kids make fun of that group of kids with obviously off branded clothing and she wants to scream if someone mentions her newly formed zit at the tip of her nose. After a new cut and color, she gets an equal amount of “Love the new look” and “Looove the new look” said with a hint of sarcasm that indicates an opposite reality.

Sometimes she hears black kids called the N-word, and if there is an argument between one group of people and Hispanics, someone ALWAYS yells out, “Go back to Mexico,” regardless of whether the group of Hispanics is actually from Mexico. The popular kids date the popular kids. Some kids don’t get invited to parties. Cliques are formed, and broken, then reformed.

It is not news to state that there is a lot of judgment in High School. There is. Everyone judges everyone else. Sometimes it spills over into bullying, but for the most part it’s just a bunch of pointless insecure judgmental banter, put out in the world in a desperate attempt to try to make people feel better about themselves. Adults can look back and see that none of it mattered, but kids can’t quite focus that well yet.

Imagine walking through the quad with new, long lens eyes.

There is Tammy who got cancer and died at 35, leaving her husband and kids heartbroken. She is sitting with her best friend Jan, whose daughter is battling addiction and has been in and out of rehab three times this past year. I have to remember to call her. Thad has a son with Downs Syndrome and it takes a lot of his energy so he is really tired every night, but God he loves that kid. Jenny and Noah never dated anyone but each other and are now celebrating 30 years together. Look at the way he looks at her after all these years.

There goes Doctor Stephenson.She had to work two jobs to get through college because she didn’t have a lot of money but look at her now! Tommy, the quarterback, has a big ole beer gut, and a steady job that allows his wife to stay home and raise two great girls that volunteer at the church. Lynn found out she couldn’t have children herself, so she adopted six. Janet still struggles with intimacy as a result of growing up in an alcoholic family, but she has stayed clean, breaking the cycle.

Sadly her friend Tania is out today because her sickle cell anemia flared up again. Stephanie from chorus has an autistic child and advocates for better diagnostic approaches in schools. Chris has finally gotten all her kids out of the house and is going back to school to get that Business degree she put off. Jeff always parks at the back of the lot and picks up all the trash on the ground as he walks to the store he manages, and he still keeps in touch with Steve who spent 20 years in the Navy (They did do all those Musicals together, after all.) Jose over there runs the best Restaurant in town with homemade tortillas and salsa. Makes her mouth water thinking about it. Jeffery, sorry, Geoffry pays for military families meals when he is out and sees them. No reason why, he just can, so he does.

There are some real outliers in this crowd, but for the most part, everyone she sees live average lives of marriage and kids, work and play. They have a lot of the same struggles and frustrations. They run in the same circles. Their kids play ball with your kids. They look in the mirror tell themselves they have to lose a few pounds. Some drink too much. Some have health problems. Some, you can’t believe look as good as they do. “Where the hell is your gray hair?” They sit in pews or synagogues or mosques near you at church, and damn if it doesn’t piss them off if you don’t follow one simple rule of ‘Signal first, Then Brake!’

Lots of things seem to matter when you are 15. Few of them really do. (Except that last rule: Signal First, Then Brake.)

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Photo: Getty Images