A new dad shares his insights on the love that has changed his life — forever.
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As a species, we are, by and large, obsessed with love. Movies are made about it, books are written about it and we seek out love all our lives, whether it is the love of a parent or a partner or just close friends. It all comes down to one thing: we want to know what love is (if you didn’t sing that line inside your head, you are doing it now). And, for the most part, we think we know love. However, I realized, that for those of us who want to be parents, what you think of love changes when you commit to children.
For me, the process began when my wife and I discussed and agreed to start trying to get pregnant. Willingly bringing a child into your life (and that of your partner) is one of the biggest commitments of your life and it truly requires a new level of love. It is a level of love that goes beyond a commitment to each other. It is a commitment to a new life, a life that needs you and that will rely on you, in some way or another, for decades. That level of commitment is daunting. I remember, I almost felt egotistical that I thought I was so fit and able to bring a child into the world. I ended up rationalizing it by knowing that I only felt so fit and able because of the love and support I had in my wife and she had in me. That was my first evolution of my concept of love.
As important as this change was in my life, it was nothing like having my son actually being born.
As much as I thought I knew love before children, it became something totally different. Love had always been an abstract concept, an emotion that sometimes befuddled and bemused, ensnared and entranced. I couldn’t pin down love. It was enigmatic. Many of us have been in situations where, on paper, it feels like we should love something or someone but that inexorable spark just wasn’t there.
That changed, ultimately, with my son. Suddenly, love wasn’t fleeting or ethereal. My son became my first physical embodiment of love. He was a tangible thing that I could see, feel, hear and smell, brought into this world for love. My child became Love Incarnate. No person or thing before ever came close to this feeling of love.
My wife and I aren’t done bringing children into our lives. While we haven’t ruled out having another child biologically, we are currently looking into starting the adoption process. It is a daunting thought, much the same as first discussing getting pregnant. Certainly, a lot can happen but one thing is for sure: I’ll never look at love the same way again and that’s due entirely to the experience of becoming a dad.
Photo: Flicker/Sakena
Great thoughts here. I’ve been a father for 7 years now and can verify everything you’ve said. And yes, I still don’t know what I’m doing. 🙂