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Let’s face it: As your son enters his teen years, it is much more difficult to find an activity he enjoys doing with you. Your son used to think you were cool and loved doing anything you were doing. But good luck getting him to play catch at the park with you now — go ahead and ask, and you’ll see how quickly he can come up with a reason he can’t go. On the bright side, it could be an effective way to get him started on his homework.
Your son loves you, but if you want him to do something with you — especially in public — you’d better come up with something he won’t find lame. If he’s mortified by the idea of you chaperoning the next school dance, or cringes at the thought of going to the mall with you, try a few of these activities to keep his interest and foster togetherness.
Go Paintballing
Your son might prefer to go paintballing with his friends, but he will jump at the chance to shoot you in the face with purple paint. Paintballing with your son is an exciting way to spend time together and to create lasting, “colorful” memories. Set up an outing with other dads and teens, or just go together. Consult your local paintball companies for packages that suit your idea of an adventure.
Paintball activities usually pit one team against another in a sort of “hide and seek” or a contest to reach a certain destination without getting “killed.” Whatever you choose, you can expect to end the day laughing and covered in paint. Dress in old clothes!
Work on a Car Together
If you have skills working on cars, the teenage years are the best time to pass those skills on to your son. Young men start taking an interest in cars because cars represent freedom, among many other things.
Whether you can restore an old car, or your skill set limits you to basic maintenance, working on cars together is a fun, productive bonding experience for you and your son. Don’t take any risks making repairs if you aren’t confident, but you can try some of these basic fixes and modifications.
- Changing Engine Oil
Teach your son the importance of changing the oil to keep your engine healthy. It can be a messy job, but you will save money doing it yourself. Make sure the new filter is tight, and check your control panels to ensure everything’s a go.
- Install a Vinyl Car Wrap
If the paint on your car is faded or peeling off, cover it up instead of repainting it. Install a vinyl car wrap, which come in a variety of colors and designs. Vinyl car wraps will protect the exterior of your car from the sun and rain and will give your car a whole new look. Your son will enjoy passing it off as a “new car” to his peers, and won’t feel like he’s out riding around in Dad’s old car.
- Change Brake Pads
When you get a brake job, most of the cost is in labor. Front brake pads are easy to change out with a car jack and a socket wrench. You’ll be surprised how inexpensive the parts are. Make sure you properly bleed the brake lines before driving off to test them.
Take Martial Arts Together
Join karate, taekwondo, boxing or any number of the growing field of martial arts available to you. The martial arts give you and your son an opportunity to exercise together and to learn a valuable discipline. Plus, at some point, he’ll get to punch or kick you.
Karate and other martial arts can give you a total-body workout and also help condition your son’s young mind. An instructor called a sensei will guide you through the process of learning the particular martial art. You and your son will benefit from this training in many ways.
- Confidence
In martial arts, you learn skills that help you physically defend yourself from opponents of all sizes. It’s not about committing violence, but defending yourself against it. Your classmates will have a range of skill sets, and you and your son will learn from them.
- Control and Balance
Your teenage son will learn to control his emotions. This self-awareness will help your son later in life in social situations, as well as conflicts and negotiations. Mind and body don’t always work together in the teenage years, but your son will learn this control and balance.
Your son will learn physical balance through all the poses he must force his body to make. But he will also learn life balance — being more aware of his surroundings, his actions and how they affect others. He will learn to take responsibility for his choices, his actions and his life.
- Respect
Every martial art commands respect. You respect your instructor, you respect your opponent and you respect your art. A sense of respect will carry into other parts of your son’s life: school, work, family and friendships. It will help your teenage son develop into a man.
There is nothing wrong with going bowling or taking in a movie, but your teenage son might think these things are passé. Your children change, and so do their tastes. It’s hard enough to see them grow up so fast. Now, they dread doing something they loved doing with you just a year or two ago.
Talk to your son and pitch some new ideas for things you and he can do together. Don’t get your feelings hurt if he tells you something is lame. Maybe it is. Discover new activities and spend as much time with your son as you can. You’ll both look back fondly on the memories for years to come.
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Photo provided by the author.
Being a bit of a grease-monkey myself, I can appreciate what you’re saying here, Scott. Teenage boys do need their fathers (and mothers!) to be intentional about how they connect with their sons. But I caution against falling into a way of thinking that assumes stereotypically male activities (cars, guns, etc) universally appeal to teen boys. I agree that boys thrive on adventure, physical contact, and goal-oriented projects, but parents would do well to study their kid…enter in to his interests. When a parent says, “Hey, Fortnight looks really cool. I’d love to learn from you…” (or whatever is of… Read more »