What kind of dad—nay; what kind of person will I be? And how will I show who I am to my children?
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I’m twenty-six. I don’t have children yet, but as with everyone, I have my own story that makes this a very pertinent topic; because, one day I will have kids— whether it’s a few biological children or a dozen adopted ones. I can see it written in the stars that I’m to be a dad, so the real question is:
Thanks to my parents, I have relationship issues, anger issues, self-esteem issues… you name it. Parents play the most vital roles in our development into functioning human beings. These are the five things that I want my kids to say about me to their kids, and it will require constant work on my part (as it should) and it will ultimately keep me as the best version of myself:
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What kind of dad—nay; what kind of person will I be? And how will I show who I am to my children?
I didn’t have a traditional childhood. Both of my parents married each other out of obligation because of my mother’s pregnancy. I was unwanted and treated as such until I was fifteen and moved out, and then distantly until last year when I disowned my family and began the process of changing my name.
A new name and a new legacy, because sometimes blemishes and dents and scars, well, they don’t just wash away with time.
I had alcoholic abusive parents who taught me nothing directly, but everything indirectly. How not to be a raging tyrant to my children. How not to beat them. How not to force them to not eat. How not to strangle them. How not to throw them and throw things at them and break their things and lock them out of the house and make them feel absolutely worthless.
Thanks to my parents, I have relationship issues, anger issues, self-esteem issues… you name it. Parents play the most vital roles in our development into functioning human beings.
These are the five things that I want my kids to say about me to their kids, and it will require constant work on my part (as it should) and it will ultimately keep me as the best version of myself:
I want to be fictionalized:
Bed time stories, scary stories, stories of heroes— I want my kids to incorporate me as the hero in their tales to their kids. We all use inspiration from real people in life when we tell a story. I hope that I am amazing enough that my children make it a note to put me in their stories. Or, if nothing else, I want to inspire their heroes and villains. I am a writer, and as I grow and develop both in my career and as a father, both things will overlap.
My dad taught me a lot:
I have learned most of my lessons through suffering— I know, very Buddhist of me, but you cannot deny the truth. We learn our lessons in life through bringing enlightenment out of suffering. I don’t want my kids to suffer the way I did. I want to foster their creativity and curiosity and teach them the ways of being a great human. I want to teach them about equality and love and peace and respect and honor and morality and ethics. I want them to be such good people, that they don’t need rules to live, they just live. It’s common sense to them what to do and what not to do. So when they sit down with my grandchildren and talk about me, they can say “Your Grandfather, he taught me most of what I know.”
My dad was a great dad, and a great friend:
I never did any extracurricular activities as a child. My parents were never there and I didn’t have a way to get to and from school, which was too far from my house to walk. I developed stress-induced asthma as a child and that kept me from sports too. I think it’s a parent’s responsibility to raise their child to become the best person they can be. Anything less and you have indeed failed as a parent. It’s difficult, and you can’t always control every outcome and you can’t always have what you want. But if you are like water, and you move with every ebb and flow of life, being the support your child needs when they need it, the teacher they require when things get hard, and the friend they have to lean on when they feel like they have no one to turn to, then you are a great father. I want my child to tell his children that I was a great dad, and a great friend.
My dad stood for everything I believe in:
Again, this is something I don’t know about. I didn’t respect the cowardice that my father possessed and the lack of ambition to chase down the seemingly impossible, which is why his life remains stagnant and why he is still absolutely miserable. I want to fight for injustice and peace, show that I treat everyone with respect and illustrate through just being alive that we are all equal— because at the end of the day, the only thing that TRULY separates us, is the fact that we think we are separated by something. Acknowledging the differences in a negative light is what holds us back. I want to coach his games and stay up late watching documentaries with him so that my child can become fascinated with everything wondrous in the world. I want my kids to tell their kids that their role model is their father, because he truly was the greatest man they knew.
My dad is my hero:
This is number one on any dad’s list. Who doesn’t want to be their kid’s hero? I’m not talking about becoming a firefighter, or a police officer, or an EMT, or a soldier— someone who risks their lives to protect and care for those in danger. I could, but those kinds of heroes are made through their chosen profession— I want to be the kind of hero that is so because of the selfless decisions I make. I want my kids to know that there were many opportunities in my life that I chose differently, because the choice I made was best for all. I want to take care of my family and I want to have heroic acts that make them value and respect me. This does tie into things that every man wants in his life (Love- Purpose-To be Legend), which is an interesting read.
Above and beyond all of these, I want my children to love me and want me in their lives until I grow old and pass away, providing we don’t invent human immortality in the next 80 years. I just want to be happy and have the chance at a family that I never had as a child.
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Photo:Flickr/Hernán Piñera