Shanna Anderson has been blessed to have a life filled with men who didn’t have to be there.
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My dad raised me from the age of nine. I now have a great relationship with my stepmother and a mending relationship with my mother, but dad was truly my single parent when I was young. When I lost him, it was like I’d lost both my parents because he was the only one I had growing up. He wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot, but he loved me unconditionally – even when I wasn’t all that lovable and he was always there. I didn’t really appreciate the importance of that until I got older. My dad always called me a survivor, saying my fight started before I entered the world as a 3 lb 6 oz premie. He reminded me of that when I became a mom at a very young age, and again when I lost my first husband. I think him convincing me of that helped me to survive losing him, because I’m still here when there were times I was sure I wouldn’t make it through another day.
My grandfather is technically my step grandfather, but he has always treated me more like a daughter. If I had parents other than my dad, it was him and my grandmother. I’ve not always made the best decisions, but no matter what he’s thought of them, he’s always been there with a kind word, and encouragement to push forward. He always told me that I’m a chameleon and could fit in, in any surrounding, with any group of people – that’s something that’s stuck with me, and that I try to remind myself, since I’m really an introvert and it’s truly a struggle to not be.
My husband is the epitome of the word “dad”.
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My first husband adopted my oldest daughter and loved her like his own, despite the fact that we were young and very immature. I have always told her, she’s that special that he didn’t have to but chose to be her dad – that, that in itself, being there – shows how much he loved her.
My husband is the epitome of the word “dad”. He’s filled the role for most of the kids who’ve come into his life for years. He was one of my best friends for years before he and I actually became a couple, and even at that time made it a point to be there for special occasions and sport/school events. He says, pretty frequently, “I’m not a perfect dad, I’m not even sure I’m a good one, but I’m there,” and he is. He adopted our son Kaleb, shortly after we were married, but he’s also been a dad to my other children just as fully – no paper required. He’s never once said, “They’re not mine,” as an excuse to escape responsibility (or their bullshit). He’s been by our side through some of their most trying moments – hospital stints (for both physical and emotional issues), trouble with the law, and just dumb, teenage/young adult behavior. Though he’s admittedly old-school in his parenting and the kids may think he’s hard at times, he’s never shrugged his way out of anything, and he’s never turned away.
Being a father isn’t about blood or genetics. Being a father, a dad, is about being there. Be there and do your best. That’s what being a father is all about.
Photo Credit: Mateus Lunardi Dutra/flickr
It’s been me and my son since he was 6 months old and his mom realized how much work parenting is (she had broken up with me when pregnant and thought she could get rid of me but I wouldn’t go away). 14 years later me and the boy have moved to the SF bay area, he’s in high school, his mother is in an trailer somewhere with her 3rd husband and I have finally started taking improv comedy classes. First time I’ve been able to do much that was just for myself in all this time. It’s been a… Read more »
this added nothing to the discussion but thanks for letting me vent. “my life can be hard, look at how hard I am working!”
As a child raised almost entirely by her dad, I promise that one day your son will appreciate all of your sacrifices – probably already does, even if he doesn’t express it yet. An extra happy Father’s Day wish to you.
Nice Job Shanna , good article Written from the heart .
Thank you, Hank! We may have a non-traditional family, but we’re all the more blessed for it.