It’s chill if your boobs are slightly different sizes. They’re still boobs, after all.
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By Frank Kobola
1. Whether your breasts are the same size. Everyone has lopsided breasts. They’re breasts. It’s part of what makes them breasts. It gives them character. It’d be like hating on Drake for being such a sad baby all the time.
2. If you use his bathroom. It’s fine. It’s not as if we’re standing there with our ear pressed up against the door trying to hear what you’re doing in there. Everyone goes to the bathroom. This is a thing we’ve known for a while. Poop comes out of butts, the sun rises and sets and rises again. Stop freaking out like “having a digestive system” is on our list of deal breakers.
3. If you’re sweating. Did you go to the gym and you’re sweating because you just ran five miles? That’s the expected result. You wouldn’t get weirded out by water freezing when you put it in the freezer. No one is like, “What the fuck, ice cubes?” If you didn’t sweat, that would be weird, because it would mean you’re a reptile in a person’s body.
4. Zits. They’re gross but everyone gets them, so it’s not like we don’t know what’s up. Yeah, you got a zit on your face because you ate pizza. We feel you.
5. Those weird mouth noises. You know when you make a weird noise with your mouth by accident because you’re chewing gum or something, and it sounds like you farted, but you didn’t? And then you try and replicate the noise but louder and more obviously so people know it was your mouth? Yeah, we don’t care about that.
6. Jiggling. Jiggling is almost always a good thing. It might be uncomfortable and make you self-conscious, but we have a very different take on it.
7. Freckles, birth marks, etc. Stop acting like you are the first person in the world with a giant birthmark on your leg. There are thousands of us.
8. Any fat rolls anywhere. Most people have that spot on their love handles or stomach or wherever that they just can’t seem to shape up unless they spend eight hours at the gym every day. Most people can’t spend eight hours at the gym every day. Even most people who spend eight hours at the gym every day understand that.
9. If you’re wearing Spanx under that dress. Conceptually, we understand Spanx, but it’s not something we think about. Ever.
10. If you’ve got hair or stubble somewhere. We don’t notice it as overtly as you think we do. We definitely don’t notice it as overtly as you do. That saying, “We are our own worst critic,” was about body hair.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan. For more like this, try:
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People care about appearance, women are held to a far higher standard of beauty an higher quality of personal grooming – a guy who loves you will be less demanding of you to uphold these standards but if they drop too far it’s a big issue, more so than if a mans standards of grooming were to drop. As a woman you may be confident but a comment on your appearance can still be devastating, it just takes one guy to make a hurtful comment and you could hang onto that hurt or anxiety over appearance your entire life. Guys… Read more »
Thank you so needed to hear
I think he is talking about mature rational men. After all how many men look like Charlie Hunnam naked? Of coarse us women prefer to look at the chiseled hard bodies who are flawless. But we are realistic enough to know that 95% of the men we meet aren’t going to live up to that standard. If we didn’t look at men on a deeper level, no men would be getting laid or into a relationship. Outside of that 5 percent that is. Everyone knows even those perfect porn stars are hardly that perfect without the body makeup lighting and… Read more »
LOL. Men most definitely DO care about your fat rolls and your body hair. How silly to even claim that the majority don’t
Amen, Sister!
I love all the seasons of my wife’s body. All 6 kids have told a story. Sure I notice, but she’s still hot because is who she is. That’s enough for me.
This is mostly about preference, for example, the first poster thinks a girl should change her shirt midway through the night after dancing? Hah, that’s ridiculous to me. Call me a weirdo but I love the sweat. If we’re dancing, we’re both into it, we’re touching, we’re sweating and were in the moment, its awesome to me. Aside from the occasional smelly chick, I do not mind one bit. There is something very natural, carnal and sexy about that. It adds to the whole experience. But hey, that’s just me. Generally, men want a woman that is clean and takes… Read more »
How can men even claim not to care about these things? Its very clear from porn that men care GREATLY about women bodies. The porn producers provide what sell. What sells is young and flawless female bodies. Men dont want to look at the bodies of women who look like their wives and when they do , it is considered a fetish. Men want us in our late teens and twenties, if we look a certain way, when they see us as a series of holes. Once we have children or reach thirty , we are just housekeepers and child… Read more »
I have to agree that it often feels/seems this way. I Porn use to be a supplement to scratch a sexual itch. Now it seems it’s a way of life for most guys today and that it’s become the epitome of what women should be for men. Not be confused with who women really want to be in their own feminity and personal brand of beauty. It’s all about the porn now-a-days for men, not real connection with real women and enjoying their human beauty. The expectations on women’s bodies are crazy. And when you are less them the epitome,… Read more »
Erin, so much absurdity in your post. What sort men are you putting up with?? Who runs after young girls? They are predators and I think you should be away from them, let alone talk about them. I despise those men.
If it gives you comfort, most men i know don’t expect their wives to do what women do in naughtyamerica. I’ll admit that I watched porn in my teen and even past 20’s but that never shaped my opinion about treating women. Porn is unreal at the end of the day.
Jesus Christ, that last commenter. The post applies to people who like themselves. He clearly doesn’t like himself.
If you hold up the opposite sex to the nitpicky standards that he does, you don’t like yourself. Don’t date someone who doesn’t like themselves. And work on liking yourself, so that you won’t be suspceptible to the manipulation or abuse of someone who doesn’t.
Thank you for trying to speak for all guys, but: – Sweating is OK if you’ve just done hard exercise, but then you need a shower, just as a guy would. And if you’re out dancing and get sweaty take a clean shirt and change part way through the evening. – Zits need to be dealt with asap – sure we all have to deal with them at some stage, but look at yourself in the mirror before going out and get rid of whiteheads. Again, same applies to guys. – Chewing with your mouth closed is just common decency,… Read more »
I whole-heartedly concur with you. Look, I have a lot of male friends, and I have talked with significant others about this. They absolutely do care about looks. Even the so-called “nice” ones care a lot about looks. If you aren’t physically attracted to someone, ain’t nothing gonna happen. Another thing that’s particularly unattractive in women, I am told, is wrinkles and other signs of aging, like liver spots and loose skin. It is what it is, ladies.
I don’t mind wrinkles. I would mind hair or mustache…it would freak me out!
“Hair control is part of basic grooming. Sure we understand that hair grows, but don’t expect a guy to go down on spiky stubble.” – is an amazing comment! I thought we weren’t speaking for all guys? Because I happen to know many men who couldn’t give a toss about the prickliness/hairiness/baldness of a girl.