Bernard Haynes let doubt and fear keep him from an amazing life. Once he let go and learned these lessons, he was able to achieve success. He says you can too.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson
I was afraid of trying to start my website and write my first book. I didn’t want to put the time and effort into these projects just to be rejected. I would start and stop. I would say damaging things like, “No one will read my material. Who is going to support my efforts? People will just laugh at my work.” I allowed these excuses to sabotage my success.
It was more important to me to avoid rejection than it was to make my dream a reality. I read hundreds of inspirational books and blogs, I listened to podcast after podcast that encouraged me to pursue my dreams, but I continued to think sabotaging thoughts.
It wasn’t until I finally took a leap of faith and wrote my book, and launched my website, that I released a weight from my life. I still battle moments of fear, but I have learned to take baby steps to overcome my fears. I have a lot of work to do, but I am far from where I use to be. I realized that my fears were only trying to protect me from perceived pain, but they were also holding me back from living.
If you’ve been struggling with self-sabotage, here are ten things you must stop doing that sabotage your success.
1. Stop spending time with discouraging people. – Life is too short to spend quality time with people who live in a perpetual state of discouragement. Every time you see them, they are speaking doom and gloom. They complain about the economy. They gripe about their job. They whine about their finances. A conversation with this person will leave you discouraged and disgusted with life.
Your relationships should help you, not hinder you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose people you admire, who love and respect you, who challenge you to grow and who help you become the person you were designed to be.
2. Stop running from your problems. – No matter how far you run or where you go, your problems will not vanish. They will wait for you. The best thing to do is to face them head on. It won’t be easy. You may have to confront someone who is causing you issues.
You may have to confront your negative inner voice who is telling you that you cannot live your vision. Running from your problems does not solve them, it only makes things worse. If you don’t handle your problems quickly, they only grow bigger and cause more problems.
3. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else. You were designed to be you and no one else. Do not become discouraged because someone is doing something great. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, younger and faster, but they will never be you. Don’t change who you are to imitate someone else. Be yourself and let the world love the real you.
4. Stop holding onto the past. – The past is gone and will never come back. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one. Your past is like scrambled eggs. No matter how much you want to go back and change what happened, you cannot. If you allow your past to blur your progress, you may turn around to find your future has run out on you.
5. Stop being afraid of failure. – Don’t let past failures hold you hostage. Don’t let thoughts of failure keep you from trying. One of the major problems that keep people from living is the fear of failure. Every person experiences failure at some time. Realize that failure is not final and is a part of the success process. The key is to learn from your failures, get back up, dust yourself off and keep trying. You are not finished when you fail, only when you quit.
6. Stop beating yourself up. – We all make mistakes, encounter struggles and allow regrets from our past hinder our present. But you are not your mistakes, you can overcome struggles and you don’t have to beat yourself up about what happened yesterday. Every day you should do something that makes you better than you were yesterday. Don’t waste anymore precious time beating yourself up about things you cannot change.
7. Stop thinking you have to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists; it rewards people who get things done. If you believe that everything must be perfect before you live your dreams, think again. You will hinder your progress if you believe the perfect lie. Don’t squander precious time trying to dot all the “I’s and cross all the “T”s, before you launch your dreams. If you do, you may run out of time. It is okay not to be perfect, because “being perfect” is not real. It’s just wishful thinking. It does not exist.
8. Stop living in your comfort zone. – Life will throw you curveballs. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, but your curveballs are there for a reason. They are trying to shift you from your comfort zone. The desire to remain in your comfort zone is natural, and because of that instinctive need, we jump on the someday bandwagon and push our goals and dreams to the side until another day.
Unfortunately nothing ever happens. Tomorrow becomes next week, which soon leads to next year. Then next year leads to five years, then ten years. Until eventually, the life you desired to live becomes a distant memory. You can’t afford to fall into the trap of “someday” because it may never come.
9. Stop holding onto unforgiveness – Don’t live your life with unforgiveness in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you don’t forgive. Don’t live your life frustrated and angry about what others did or did not do. Forgive.
Life is too short to live with unforgiveness. I know it can be difficult to forgive someone that done you wrong, but the consequences of not forgiving weighs your life down. Don’t waste another second, seek forgiveness and move forward.
10. Stop rejecting change. – Change is often difficult. It can disrupt your life. It can interfere with your routine. The hardest part about change is letting go of what you were used to doing and moving on with something different.
No matter how much you want things to stay the same, they will not. Change is inevitable. Stop worrying, fretting and doubting, and believe that things will work out. Embrace the change, live expectantly and enjoy your life as you move forward.
What fears have sabotage you from living out your vision? What can you do to overcome your fears and live out your vision?
Photo: Flickr/ Alberto Menendez Cervero