A love that feels like it’s carrying your entire reality higher and higher happens overnight only if you’ve already been learning the lessons.
This is the first time I’ve felt this kind of love. A “Reality Ascending Love.” My six “Great Loves” in the past were truly great, and this doesn’t take away from them, yet Holy Wow does everything get impacted from one area in life doing extremely well.
The experience is quite surreal — one that feels like my entire reality has ascended heavenward. Though naysayers may label this kind of love as “lust,” only my beloved and I (and perhaps our closest friends/family) know our truth.
For me, lasting love did form overnight, but there were countless years of lessons through bliss and heartbreak to get there. Depending on how your environment and choices have left you up until this point, if you were supremely wise and lucky you may have attained this naturally. For the rest of us blokes, here are some methods for being the person to attract this, and then keep it alive with love every day.
#1 — Focus on fully loving, pleasuring and caring for yourself first. Even down to spending an hour instead of five minutes making love with yourself and writing yourself the love letter you would love to give and receive from your beloved (as strange as this might seem, it’s one of the most profound experiences I’ve had this year.) Get to know your full being, and therefore what you actually want in a partner. Rather than superficial traits like “Hot”, “Gamer” and “Great at sex” seek within a deeper, truer set of traits like “Sensual”, “Inspiring” and “Playful”.
#2 — Once you can fully look after your own heart, as a single person, stay connected to great partners, this will keep you open with love. Don’t just settle for a great fit, settle for an excellent one. This removes the desperation of seeking your perfect mate, and you never know when one of those partners that are a great fit could become an excellent one for you after discovering a deeper relating with you. Remember to continue to look after and cherish your own heart to not become co-dependent.
#3 — You’ll know what an excellent fit is for you when you discuss formalizing your relationship. That person will completely accept you as you are, even if it’s not how they work. Ensure you are very clear on your unique aspects; like if you’re the kind of person who loves sensual touch with friends. If you are completely up front, there’s less chance they’ll freak out when you mention you’re having your dear stripper friend travel interstate, to stay in your bed likely with bare essential garments on. Really define your particular connection, especially in relation to others, be it monogamous, polyamorous or monogamish (I have an upcoming book all about that last one.)
#4 — When that excellent fit for a formal relationship comes, do whatever it takes to help it blossom like a flower. Even if it means moving from Melbourne to San Francisco to establish a strong foundation.
#5 — Appreciate everything. Being grateful, because every little thing in life helps overall — when that gratitude is focused on a relationship it causes us to highlight the “good” about that person rather than focus on the “bad” (also a matter of perspective.) The grass is greener where you water it.
#6 — Once you have a mutual commitment, choose a set of values you both stand for together. For example; “Grace”, “Sacredness”, “Passion” & “Sexiness”. As needed, update these together. As you get to know each other and even start co-creating projects together, more pinpointed values like “Powerful Intimacy” and “Continual Growth” will start to emerge.
#7 — One of the biggest killers of intimacy is the fear of losing intimacy itself. Keep focused on creating divine love in the moment, clear communication and keeping integrity between you, thus forming an “interdependent front” together.
#8 — Learn how to ask for what you want. Be aware of “desire smuggling” (manipulating your partner into getting what you want out of fear of rejection) and simply ask the other if they’re willing to try doing something with you that you enjoy.
#9 — Focus on growing the relationship together. Read books, attend workshops, get a relationship mentor, and even outside of just relationship growth, personally grow together.
#10 — A classic: “Never let the sun go down on your anger.” Discuss concerns early, and let go of your human incessant need to be right. Be willing to take responsibility for any vicious downward cycle, the whole of it, even if it wasn’t your action that first started it, but you continued it.
It’s my sincere hope that you have gained something significant in a new way of being or doing that will either transform a current relationship or discover a new one that ascends your daily experience of intimacy to the highest it’s ever been.
Here is my romantic, yet authentic, account of what our daily experience is now, having done the above work as we consciously created our relationship. My hope for you is that you already have this or that it inspires you to settle for nothing less.
Reality Ascending Love is the kind of love where …
Our whole beings, every fiber of them wants to envelop every fiber of the other, with no exceptions, not even the darkest corners of their being.
Our love songs we connected with growing up turn out to be in alignment with our lover. “I knew I loved you before I met you” finally makes sense.
Our time spent working on our character to become the ultimate version of ourselves (personally or to fit another partner) were actually leading us to also become the ultimate partner for each other.
Our intimate bedroom sessions could put Hollywood’s most romantic scenes to shame.
Our romantic actions from the past just don’t cut it for us, so we do stretching actions like spending hours learning the guitar just be able to blindfold them, present their favourite colour flowers, and serenade them.
Our loving gestures get amplified, intensified and magnified between us, spinning up and up in a vortex of virtue.
Our experience of every movement, glance, tear, and frown they make is one of the sexiest things we’ve ever seen, let alone when they strip for us.
Our resolving of our differences is with full communication from the heart, with compassion and empathy for their heart; this transforms personal perceptions into alignment together.
Our thoughts of a potentially negative future, like never being able to love and be loved this deeply ever again, have us coming back to treasuring this very moment as if it were the last and a full-bodied gratitude stirs in our souls that will always be with us.
Finally, our considerations of what looks like an incredibly positive future have no fear or apprehension. There is just a centered calmness and peace present that everything is all going to turn out just fine; damn fine.
Stay open, stay curious.
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Photo: Courtesy of the author