1. Be In It To Win It:
Stop wasting time worrying about what could go wrong. Yes, lots of things can and will go wrong. However, with enough composure, faith and struggle, along with an open heart and willingness to see it through, your marriage will survive through thick and thin.
2. Go In With A Goal Post, Instead of Goals:
Goals are always shifting, but a GoalPost is sturdy and strong. It’s always visible, even from a distance. Even if your dreams seem impossible right now, don’t let it dampen your marriage. Instead, go into marriage with the Goalpost of Happiness, Fulfillment and Contentment something you both want to work towards together.
3. Do the Inner Personal Work:
If there is childhood trauma, or some snippy comment your ex made 10 years ago about your style, please do not bring that lack of self-esteem and confidence into your marriage. Go in feeling whole and satisfied on your own, and work to help your partner do the same in a mutually satisfying way.
4. Read a book or two on Communication and Healthy Relationships:
Actually read them all. You’re not ready for marriage, unless you are ready to explain to your partner how much you love and hate them at the same time; and why you feel the things you do about them, others, life etc.
5. Know Your Fears, Don’t Be Labelled By Them:
Your fears shouldn’t hold you back from the man of your Dreams. They also shouldn’t run the show on the trajectory and experience of your relationship. It’s not like you have to look at your relationship through Rose-Coloured Glasses. Even the realists could use a bit of sparkle in their love lives. Guess what? Those sparkles only come when we come alive.
6. Stop Doting on Details:
Even if you are planning the most elaborate wedding of the season, worthy of being on the cover of Architectural Digest and Bridal Magazine simultaneously, don’t make it about the wedding details. Don’t waste this momentous and joyous time on details. Instead, waste it on those beautiful never-felt before emotions.
7. Check Your Emotional Baggage at the TSA:
You cannot go into marriage with your burned past as your favourite dinner-table topic. You cannot spend every weekend discussing the arc of your failures with your partner. Unless you are both practicing for an audition, there is no need for rehearsing lines of movies that didn’t end the way you wanted.
8. Be Reckless With Your Love and Affection:
You should be able to flow freely with your partner all the way into a fruitful marriage. Having a title is not an excuse to get comfortable. The person we should cherish the most is the one who promises us their world; not simply a glimpse or glance, but rather a full 360 Degree View into all the chinks in their armour.
9. Don’t Go Into Marriage Hoping To Be Saved or Fixed:
No, Marriage will not make you Happy. It will not offer you Stability.
No, Marriage will not stop you from the Growing Pains that come from living in a world of brutality and senselessness. Marriage will not stop you from falling back into addiction or fix your self-esteem or depression. However, a healthy marriage will offer you a safe-haven from the factors that contribute to it.
It will cushion each blow. Don’t expect to be fully safe from temptations, distances, slamming door or pulling the STOP BUTTON on disillusionment. Marriage is about creating something bigger than yourself and caring about someone other than yourself. Marriage is not for abusers or users.
10. You only get one chance:
Just know that marriage, for most sane-minded folks, is a one-time event; meant to carry us through this life onto the hereafter. Be comfortable with swimming in the applause, love, hugs, embraces, welcomes, comfort, presents, congrats and many more validating experiences that come with marriage. Even if you are the most humble person on earth, don’t try to rush through them. You only get them once, and live a lifetime to repeat the tales. Capture that smile on your Mother-In-Law’s face; it might be her first and last one reserved for you.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Mary Niazi