12 Early Warning Signs He’s a Womaniser

Recognising the patterns before you become another conquest.

The importance of protecting your psychological well-being in a world where you can meet men all over the world with a swipe in a dating app has never been greater than now.

Today I will talk about Womanisers.

“Womaniser” is typically used in a more negative sense. It refers to someone who has a pattern of pursuing and engaging in romantic or sexual relationships with multiple women, often with a lack of respect for their feelings, emotions, or well-being. A womaniser may be seen as using manipulation, deceit, or insensitivity to achieve their romantic or sexual goals. They often have a reputation for not being committed to any one person and frequently pursuing new conquests.
– Quora

The Womaniser

Entertaining, hilarious and charming, his intense interest in sitting next to you and chatting about any topic you choose will immediately wrap you in his spell.

He offers to help with your deepest wishes; he’s good at uncovering them. The rest of the world fades as he creates a haze of mutual interests.

All of this forms dizzyingly fast rapport and emotional and physical connection. All designed to blow your mind.

But beware, the railway track is curved dangerously into an addictive psychological war on your heart, and soon the spell will transform into a dangerous game of emotional chess. (Rigged so you lose).

The top 12 Signs you’re dealing with a Womaniser:

He uses sexual innuendo within hours of meeting, for example: quoting a line out of a song you mention that has a sexual meaning. It can seem so innocent in the flow of conversation, but believe me, it’s not. It’s a game straight out of the players’ handbook.
He suggests or initiates physical intimacy, touching your arm, a hug or an offer of the oh-so-innocent ‘cuddles’.
He conveys his struggle to find the right companion; there’s just no one out there for him!
When you show vulnerability or share personal stories he may look away, look blank or go quiet rather than the usual mirroring of sharing back and forth to understand each other more deeply. (He doesn’t actually care about you as a person).
His friends are low-life, low-quality drop-outs, yet he ‘seems’ very accomplished.
He’s very efficient at moving the friendship from a kiss on the cheek to a kiss on the lips with no discussion
He spends hours and hours chatting to you (about 7+ hours to be exact — see below for why that length of time is in their playbook)

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“Pick-up artists advocate for what is known as the seven-hour rule regarding the time that should be spent engaging with the target. Coined by pickup artist Mystery, this rule is used to describe the amount of time usually spent with a woman before going for the close, in other words, sex.” — https://psychcentral.com/

8. Over text, he’s strangely disengaged, ignores messages, and takes forever to reply (because he’s busy texting others). His text communication and level of interest may suddenly drop off unexpectedly for days or weeks, especially after any physical intimacy

9. They choose date activities that have less face-to-face eye contact (much easier to fabricate the lies that way)

10. They seem to be on their phone every time you look away. (He’s texting other women because he thinks you’re onto him)

11. The meetups are on his terms / what he wants to do. Meet me here, meet me there. You’re just invited along. As he may as well enjoy himself while he’s manipulating you and if he’s seeing a band he likes, or footy game, it doesn’t matter if his game on you fails and you go home alone, its still time well spent!

12. They manufacture love triangles or bring up their fondness for some Ex or long-since-gone girlfriend to raise the competition and make it seem like they have many options, designed to make you try harder

Their personal information disclosure will make you think you are sharing genuine vulnerability. But watch out:

“Pick-up artists and narcissists alike use the excessive amount of time paired with early disclosure of personal details to manufacture a false sense of intimacy which does not exist yet. Such a method has actually been scientifically proven to be effective. Arthur Aron and his fellow researchers (1997) discovered that intimacy between two strangers could be enhanced by having them ask each other a series of personal questions. As the authors of the study note, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” — PsychCentral.com

It’s key to ensure you’re across these tactics so that you can set strong boundaries about limiting your time and physical contact while getting to know new people.

My recommendation is to take it slow. Limit dates to one or two hours max. Two drinks max. Keep expectations high for dates — they should be spending money and taking you to your favourite places. If they share personal information, delve deeper and see if they offer more than just a surface-level sad story.

If they mention anything even remotely sexual, even a joke or subtle innuendo express distaste and a preference for not talking that way. Keep social media connection as light as possible.

I hope this helps women out there stay safe, vigilant and savvy to the use of dark psychology by these very troubled individuals.

If you happen to recognise the signs, RUN!

Sending hugs xx

PS:

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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