I went on a date recently with a charming gentleman, and he might make a fantastic partner. Just as we were about to leave the restaurant together, a woman grabbed me. She warned me he was a notorious serial dater, so I should be careful.
Uncertain about the nature of the disturbance (which sounded like a serial killer), I excused myself to the women’s restroom and took out my phone. I was so shocked by what I discovered that I decided against dating him again or even returning to his apartment.
Here’s why a serial dater isn’t a keeper.
A Serial Dater: What Is It?
Someone who dates without intending to see a relationship through to the end is called a serial dater (not a serial killer, obviously).
Dealing with a serial dater typically entails dealing with someone who is erratic, looking for a quick hookup but not committing to a long-term committed relationship.
The white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and the house are not desirable to serial daters.
Instead, they enjoy dating, but they start to distance themselves or go out and find a new companion when they feel the pressures become too great, leaving them bewildered and alone. They’re fascinated with the concept of love itself.
You should be aware that serial daters are not interested in settling down. Instead, they want to be accessible and seek casual encounters while leading a happy, single life free from obligations. The serial dater, however, always plans to be faithful to their partners.
It is important to note that individuals of all genders can become serial daters and can be found in all shapes and sizes. For them, it’s not about bringing the pony home (so to speak) but rather the excitement of the pursuit (dating).
A serial dater will frequently hold out, seeming to let the romance bloom, but they back off the moment it gets serious. This contrasts with a player only interested in making love on the first night.
Anything more than a casual connection drives them away since it involves too much structure and responsibility for them to handle.
How to Keep a Serial Dater from Attracting You
Nobody wants to be the focus of someone else’s attention for the sake of a few dates or entertainment value. Most of us aspire to be in satisfying relationships centered around affection, love, and support. So, how do you keep from becoming the next victim of a serial dater?
First and foremost, be aware of the warning signals and take extra precautions if you think someone is a serial dater. If you have not noticed any indicators, you can do a few things to make a serial dater back off or lose interest in you.
Avoid going too fast.
The serial dater may lose interest and look for more straightforward prey if it exerts much effort to acquire your affection and win you over.
Get Out and About with Your Married Pals.
One surefire technique to make a serial dater lose interest is to hang out with your married pals and allow them to go on double dates with you. They have no interest in hanging out with couples or mingling with individuals who aren’t suitable candidates for a date.
Discuss Your Future Plans With Each Other
You are with someone serious about spending less time with you than it takes to get into your pants if he is not interested in discussing a long-term strategy for your future.
You may rapidly put out the fires of passion that drive a serial dater by talking about the future, your intentions to have children, where you would raise them, and what a wonderful parent they would be.
Talk About Their Past Relationships
A serial dater is unlikely to feel at ease acknowledging that they have a dating list that goes on forever. They are aware of how awful it looks. Talk to them about it and be honest about their previous relationships.
Try spending as much time as possible getting to know this person and letting them know that you think they still have something worthwhile about you. This could convince them to give up on dating for good.
17 Telltale Symptoms of a Serial Dater (Beware)
It might be more challenging to recognize and steer clear of serial daters because they don’t behave like your average player who is only looking for sex. Instead, they cultivate relationships that fail.
You can avoid fruitless dating problems by being aware of several telltale signals that your date is a serial dater.
1. The Chase Is Everything
Some people who date repeatedly never even get past the second date. Getting you to say yes when you’ve been saying no for a while can be just as important as getting to home base with you.
You may know you’re dealing with a serial dater if someone goes on a date with you after persistently pleading with you for coffee or dinner, and then they never even return your calls or messages the following day.
They’ve had their fix, be it through sexual activity or simply your caving in and going on a date, and they’re moving on.
2. The Fire Is Full of Pokers
Many times, serial daters have multiple singles scheduled for dates. For them, the important thing is to go on a date, not so much who they go with. A serial dater can have a phonebook full of numbers they can contact to find their evening’s “love.”
They are always dating because they detest being alone.
3. They Unlavish Rich Gifts
A serial dater will show you expensive gifts if they still attempt to “win” their objective. They will purchase your adoration and submit to their dating fantasy with their wealth and influence, so expect to be showered with enormous bouquets of roses and pricey jewelry.
4. They’re Seeking Pardon
Someone is attempting to get your compassion when they go on and on about their previous unhealthy relationships. The serial dater is skilled at adopting the victim persona. Refuse to succumb to their self-pitying pattern.
To gain your devotion and present themselves as innocent, a serial dater will play the victim and appeal to your sympathies, but in reality, all they are doing is using you as a piece on their dating board.
5. Assume They Have Other Available Dates
Your serial dater is never focused solely on you, even if the date is previously arranged or only on the back burner. Yes, they can be lovely and appealing, but another single is waiting for them to win over.
Not who is on the date, but the day itself is everything.
Recall my statement with the phone book complete of numbers? Yes, they have interests other than you.
6. Even when you’re around, they scan the area.
They are searching for their next courting target if they have roving eyes.
Therefore, you should anticipate that a serial dater may flirt with other people, making you feel uneasy and uncertain about your position.
They accuse you of not believing them, being overly dependent, and seeing or seeing things when you confront them about observing them glancing up another single.
Their behavior quickly gaslights you by denying your feelings, and you get to believe that everything is your fault when in reality, it isn’t.
7. They Guide You
As long as the date is manageable and requires more commitment, a serial dater is excellent at extending future dates and preserving current dates as a backup plan. Without even flushing, they will steal your heart, cheat, and lie.
You could set lower expectations if they just wanted to have fun, but instead, they play games with you, making it seem like they’re “the one” until it turns out they’re not.
8. They’re Excellent at Acting Romantic
Given their extensive dating experience, it should be no surprise that serial daters excel at romantic relationships. They can strike up a conversation, win you over, and make you feel incredibly adored, which feeds their ego.
A serial dater knows how to transform a “quick coffee” date into dinner and films or even a “let’s go back to my place” kind of date, unlike other dates, which could come across as a little awkward.
9. They Abandon You After It’s Over
Moreover, serial daters lack guts because they won’t come clean and admit when a relationship is finished. Instead, they elude you or vanish. When you stop by, they never come home, quit texting, and don’t pick up your calls.
There was no connection, perplexing you and wondering if you had lost your mind.
10. They Require Attention All the Time
Everything they do, including romantic gestures, extravagant vacations, and extravagant gifts, is intended to attract your attention.
Caution leaves you feeling perplexed, as if you have lost your mind.
They expect you always to show them your interest, love, attention, and dedication, just like a small child who never received love and affection from their parents.
Serial dater feels entitled since they perceive themselves as a gift to every person they date.
11. Brief Dates Have a Long History
A serial dater had several “abruptly ended” dates, but most of us have just gone on a few dates. We may have had one or two relationships that ended after the third or fourth date. A serial dater has dozens of exes, whereas you might have one or three.
There have been many failed dates and short-lived relationships along the way.
12. “You Made Me a Better Person.”
It’s beautiful to hear someone claim that you helped them become a better version of themselves, but it also carries a responsibility to repay the same favor.
Giving the serial dater the satisfaction they seek, you feel compelled to tell them how they’ve improved your life or made you feel good.
13. The Pleasure of Having a Sexual Gratification
Sex is the ultimate goal of some serial daters, even though it can take a few dates to get you where they want you — the bedroom. Some serial daters move more quickly to experience excitement as soon as possible.
It’s also well known that serial daters are highly tactile; they’re fast to hold hands, kiss, and hug. The endorphin rush that comes from feeling in love throws you off balance. They can thus swiftly direct the date towards their objective — sating an urge — as a result.
They don’t think it’s about the individual. You represent a gap in their goals that anyone can fill. Sadly, it’s never personal when someone dates frequently.
14. They Could Care Less About Your Friends
It should be a red flag when the person you are dating doesn’t want to get to know your friends or family.
All they’re attempting to do likely is use you as a source of thrills, and then they’ll move on. As a result, they aren’t very interested in getting to know the people in your life and intend to leave quickly.
They might be afraid of being discovered or that someone else will see them for who they are, which is another reason they might not want to meet your friends or family. By isolating you, they can control you and achieve their goals.
What if one of your friends — especially the single ones — is a serial dater? Recall that a serial dater views everything as fair game and constantly searches for their next date.
They might ask your friends, coworkers, and single family members out on dates in the future. Hence, they would only notice your circle when identifying their next target.
15. They Utilise Multiple Apps for Online Dating
Serial daters have their nets thrown wide, including internet dating, because it’s all just a game. You can come across serial daters on any number of online dating services, including eHarmony, Tinder, and specialty and exotic dating sites.
A serial dater can use these as rich soil to locate their next date and set up subsequent ones.
As soon as they leave the restaurant or even your flat, the serial dater checks their phones to see who has tried to set them up online. Having singles available and at their disposal at all times is the ultimate joy.
People commonly talk about their previous relationships, go exclusive, and terminate their subscriptions to online dating services when they begin dating you seriously. A serial dater won’t, however, accomplish this. They have one foot out the door at all times.
16. No True Progress Has Been Made
A relationship with a serial dater may start hot and then cool down. The exact spot for movies and food, the same degree of dedication, and a declining interest are all present.
Serial daters have their nets thrown wide, including internet dating, because it’s all just a game.
Recall that the serial dater doesn’t plan past the first few dates because they want to avoid committing. The dates quickly become dull and uninteresting since they aren’t invested.
17. They Never Get Married
By yourself, your serial date is always comfortable. Their ability to get a date (any date) and stay company makes them feel valuable and keeps them from worrying about their wrongdoings.
Although everyone has breakups, a serial dater never stays in one relationship. They were forced to end their previous relationship rather than having grown over the last six months and feeling prepared to start dating again.
Those who date frequently dislike being alone.
Concluding Remarks on Serial Daters
Was the person you were dating a serial dater? The worst feeling is getting carried away and then realizing that you were only the other person’s temporary distraction and meant nothing to them.
Before going under the covers:
- Talk about your expectations and aspirations with the person you are dating.
- Be cautious about who you are seeing.
- Eventually, find someone who genuinely likes you enough to cherish and support you.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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