When it comes to dating, it’s crucial to keep an eye out for red flags.
Some of us are drawn to outgoing and adventurous partners, while others prefer someone more introspective and thoughtful.
But we should all be wary of certain types of people when it comes to dating.
These people may seem charming and attractive at first, but they can end up causing us a lot of heartache and pain in the long run.
In this article, I will talk about the 2 types of people you should avoid. I will also be giving you examples, ways to notice the red flags, and how you can deal with these 2 types of people + a final thought.
I will be sharing my insights on the types of people you should avoid at all costs because, in the end, not everyone wants the best for you.
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1. The Narcissists Who Haven’t Healed From Their Traumatic Past.
Entering a relationship with someone who hasn’t dealt with their past trauma can have a significant impact on your relationship.
Their unstable emotional wounds can lead to a lot of negative behaviors, from control issues to an inability to trust and open up.
These issues can come from past traumas, such as abuse, neglect, abandonment, or any other form of emotional or physical harm.
If the person you’re dating has unresolved past traumas, they may try to control you or manipulate you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with.
This is often because they feel powerless in their own lives, and controlling you gives them a sense of power that satisfy their own ego.
But setting healthy boundaries is important, as it shows that you value and respect yourself.
When you set boundaries with someone who hasn’t dealt with their past trauma, it can trigger their anger, and you may end up getting hurt in the process.
Good people respect your boundaries.
Evil people don’t respect your boundaries.
Your partner’s unresolved emotional wounds are like a loaded gun, and if not dealt with, can potentially harm innocent people in the relationship.
- Your partner may struggle with trust issues, which can cause them to become jealous, possessive, or suspicious of your actions.
They might also have difficulty opening up emotionally, or struggle with communication, making it challenging to build a healthy relationship.
It makes no sense if you’ve healed from your past and have grown into a better human being, but you still choose to be with someone who hasn’t worked on themselves just like you did.
Example.
“This person is always angry at me when I set boundaries. I feel uncomfortable being forced to say no without seeing my partner becoming disappointed in me. I don’t feel seen, heard, or respected. I always feel miserable around this person.”
How To Notice?
- Constant Need for Attention: Narcissists who haven’t healed from their traumatic past may seek attention and validation from others. They may constantly seek admiration and praise from others and become angry or frustrated if they don’t receive it.
- Lack of Empathy: Narcissists who haven’t healed from their traumatic past may struggle to have empathy for other people. They may struggle to understand the feelings and perspectives of others and may disrespect the needs and feelings of others in favor of their own desires.
- Blaming Others: Narcissists who haven’t healed from their traumatic past may frequently blame others for their problems or shortcomings. They may have a hard time taking responsibility for their actions and may deflect blame onto others as a way of avoiding feelings of shame or inadequacy.
- Difficulty Maintaining Relationships: Narcissists who haven’t healed from their traumatic past may struggle to maintain healthy relationships with others. They may have a pattern of intense, short-lived relationships that end suddenly, or they may struggle to form deep connections with others due to their focus on themselves and their own needs.
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2. The Non-Committed Who Sends You Mixed Signals.
Dating someone who sends mixed signals can be confusing and frustrating, as it can be difficult to understand their true intentions and feelings towards you.
I hate when this happens.
It’s not easy when you’re dating someone and they’re sending you mixed signals. It makes you feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster without getting a clear signal from the person you have a crush on.
“Let’s just see how this goes,” they say, but once you date someone else?
“I’ve always liked you.” — What they would say when it’s too late.
It’s too late because you gave that person many chances before finally cutting the contact. It’s important to keep an eye on their actions and consistency in their words and behavior.
There is one thing you should know:
Immature people send mixed signals.
Mature people send clear signal.
It took me a while to understand this lesson. If someone sends you mixed signals, you will end up wasting many years waiting for the person to give you a clear signal that they like you back.
This is where you will be highly disappointed.
Never wait for someone who is unsure about their feelings for you.
It’s important to remember that you deserve someone who is honest and transparent with their intentions and who respects your time and emotions.
It’s so much better when they say
“I’m unsure about what I feel about you. Don’t wait for me to change my mind. You deserve to be with someone who is clear about their feelings for you.”
This is a mature response.
If you find yourself constantly receiving mixed signals, it might be worth having an open and honest conversation about where you both stand in the relationship.
Example.
- “I was constantly confused by my partner’s behavior. They would say they wanted a serious relationship, but then act distant and avoid spending time with me. It wasn’t until I ended the relationship that I realized they weren’t ready for a serious commitment.”
How To Notice?
- Pay attention to their communication: If someone sends mixed signals, their communication may be inconsistent. They may act interested one day and then distant the next. They may also send mixed messages in their texts or social media messages.
- Look for mixed behaviors: Someone who sends mixed signals may act differently in different situations. For example, they may be affectionate in private but distant in public. They may also be hot and cold in terms of physical intimacy.
- Listen to your gut: If something feels off or confusing in your interactions with someone, trust your instincts. Mixed signals can often leave you feeling unsure or anxious, so it’s important to pay attention to how you’re feeling.
- Ask for clarity: If you’re unsure about someone’s intentions or feelings, it’s okay to ask for clarity. You can express your
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How To Deal With These 2 Problems.
If you notice these warning signs, it may be time to have a conversation with your partner about where they stand and whether or not they’re ready to fully commit to the relationship.
Have a conversation with your significant other about their intentions and expectations in the relationship.
It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about their past and how it affects them.
Encourage them to seek therapy or other forms of support to help them heal.
If they are resistant to seeking help or refuse to acknowledge the impact of their past trauma on their behavior, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
In the end, you’re not their parent, it’s not your job to become their parent and the bitter truth is, you can’t save everyone, even though it would be amazing in a utopian world.
It’s important to remember that you deserve someone who is honest with their intentions, and who values your time and emotions.
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The Final Thoughts.
Early signs are still red flags.
It’s important to pay attention to potential red flags when you’re dating someone.
If your partner is showing signs that they haven’t healed from past traumas or is sending mixed signals, it might be a sign that you deserve better.
It can be tempting to overlook these warning signs in the hope that things will improve over time, but this can lead to unnecessary heartache and disappointment.
If you recognize these red flags and take them seriously, you can save yourself from insanity and being hurt.
It gives you a chance to find a partner who is emotionally available and ready for a committed relationship.
Remember, you deserve someone who is fully committed, loyal, honest, trustworthy, and respectful of your emotions.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: christian ferrer on Unsplash
