Question: My girlfriend just broke up with me after two years because she thinks she is not ready for a commitment at this early age….she says may be after 4 or 5 years she will be…… she is 22..i am 23. Why waste time for 4 to 5 years to then consider commitment? She says she love me…..but she want to be free…. she can’t be in a committed relationship….. so?
Answer: It sounds like your heart is broken my friend, yes? It’s hard to understand when you both love each other, yes? I do have two couples who are my friends who have been together since they were about 16 and 17 years old. Yet they are the minority by far… Most of my friends who are in relationship met in their 30s, 40s or 50s. Many of those friends who met later were married in their 20s and yet got divorces. Some regretted their first marriages and others simply grew apart… Yet it’s pretty rare for a relationship in your early 20s to stand the test of time these days.
What if you considered a new point of view for the next 4 to 5 years… Not wasting time to then consider commitment, but instead embracing all that’s possible with each of your evolutions, experiencing adventure and following your truths and choosing what delights you and expands you while staying in touch. I honestly believe if you’re meant to be together, nothings going to stop that.
And in fact some time apart might make it even clear what a profound connection you have in comparison to other relationships that didn’t match the depth of love commitment trust and chemistry, yes? However in those 4 to 5 years she may find somebody who is more aligned match as May you… And this way you won’t have injured of painful break up, you will have set each other free with courage and kindness.
This is probably not what you wanted me to say, huh? Bottom line my sweet, if she isn’t deeply committed to you now… You deserve more. Not only set her free but open wider and allow yourself to be chosen by somebody who truly wants to develop a long-term relationship with you now. It can be terrifying leaving the shore to set sail for new lands… And yet it’s also exhilarating and you get to discover even more of the magnificent creature you are 🙂
If this is challenging for you, and you seem to need a partnership in order to feel safe secure approved of and enough, then as you consciously uncouple with her, I recommend you take the time to do some deep inner work so that you don’t need a woman, you choose one.
You can apply for a complementary strategy session with me at www.allanapratt.com/connect and let’s discover if your desire to be with her is really hurt… Or just not to be alone in which case fear not love is driving your decisions and ultimately will sabotage your joy and success. In the mean time please enjoy my complementary How To Be A Noble Badass Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com. I’m so grateful he reached out and I can’t wait to see your application in my inbox 🙂