Being in a relationship can offer a euphoric or somber experience. You have to be ready for it! Not being ready could be the difference between a happy, long lasting relationship, or the doom and gloom of a failed relationship.
In my little experience with relationships, I realized that I was not ready for one and that was what sparked the search for this information.
Here are some simple signs that you are ready for a life partner:
1. You complete yourself: I had to start with self-love — I just had to! You know you’re ready for a relationship when you don’t need a relationship to make you happy. Period.
2. You won’t settle for conditional love: A big indication of your readiness to be in a relationship is that you have standard — standards that you would never compromise. One of which would be never to accept conditional love.
3. You don’t seek constant distraction: Some people have self-love all wrong. Self-love doesn’t mean that you find activities to stop you from feeling lonely — self-love means that the activities you take part in are for your own entertainment and not your escape. You’re not afraid to be alone — and in silence, even.
4. You don’t need some to “save” you: Any man or woman who is seeking to manifest healthy relationships must abandon the wish of being saved. No one can “heal” or “save” you. Self-acceptance and self-love are markers that one is fully ready for intimacy.
5. You’re not looking for a partner to save: Looking for a damsel in destress is an indication that you’re in destress. It is also an indication that you’re not ready for a truly intimate connection. Every hero needs a break, even Superman needed to take care of Clark Kent.
6. You honor your bigger self: When you understand who you are in relation to God or spirituality — you are able to consider others without compromising yourself.
7. You are not looking for a trophy: Having a trophy is wonderful. You work so hard to get it, and then you display it on a shelf for everyone to see. But being in a relationship involves working hard all the time and nurturing that relationship. The minute you put your partner on a shelf, on display, you jeopardize the longevity of the relationship.
8. You’ve tossed your list: Having strong predilection towards a type or a collection of traits is not bad. But having a rigid list of things that one person must embody is unrealistic. Unrealistic expectations lead to titanic disappointments.
9. You’re okay with being single: If you can say “I am OK without a relationship,” then you’re ready for one! You’re OK being single — not in a resigned or defeated way. It’s more about one have a deep knowing of who you are, your purpose and that while you desire love, you won’t allow yourself to be miserable while you’re single.
10. Your over your last relationship: Nothing says I am ready for a new relationship like being done with dwelling on a past relationship. Look for signs that the anger and resentment from your ex-partner is gone. That way, you don’t introduce those negative, old emotions into your new relationship. To be angry at yourself is a clear sign that you are not ready to move forward.
11. You’re willing to take a risk: Being intimate in and of itself is risky. To recognize that true intimacy is a risk, and to pursue regardless of its risk it is a sign of readiness to achieve it.
12. You have empathy: Empathy is a fancy word that gets thrown around a lot. In simple terms, empathy is wearing another person’s boots and understanding how it feels to walk in them. This is important for relationships. Once a person can see beyond her desires and needs to what it will take to make her partner happy, she is well on her way to going from “me” to “we.”
13. You understand the importance of communication: Communication is the bedrock of a relationship. Healthy communication equals a healthy relationship. Here’s some food for thought, a couple with good communication would know when to end a relationship that isn’t working. Communication is not only beneficial to keep a relationship going — it is also beneficial to safely end a relationship that isn’t working. If you understand that — you are ready for a relationship.
14. You are ready to blend lives: I know it would be cool to lay in bed with your partner for days and months just enjoying each other’s time. If you think that’s what relationships are like — you’re not ready for this next sentence. You are not prepared for a relationship. Blending lives means that both partners might have different schedules but, they are able to prioritize time for each other. It means they recognize how important it is to take care of themselves as well as their partner, and as well as their relationship.
15. You’re ready to accept someone the way they are: Your days of judging people are over. You know you’re ready for a relationship when you stop looking for infallible humans. You recognize that everyone has a story. Who people are today, who they plan to be tomorrow and, how hard they work at becoming that person is more important than who they were yesterday.
16. You have healed from childhood trauma: Your perception of love is built on the foundation of your relationship with your primary care giver. Look, let’s face it, the topic if trauma is a hard one. For people who had rough relationships with their parents, being in a healthy relationship could be a lot harder. However, unlearning abusive love is an indication that you are ready for healthy love.
17. You are not looking for a rebound relationship: This is me speaking from experience — rebound relationships are time wasters. If you’re looking for another partner to get over a previous partner — get ready for the doom and gloom. You are not ready for a healthy relationship buddy. You must enter into your next relationship with an open mind, and not a rebound mind.
18. You are ready to put yourself out there: It takes sheer grit and confidence to tell the world, “I am available”. It leaves room for the serial daters, men are trash coalition, and the women-are-gold-diggers committee to attack. But it also leaves room for a true partner who is looking to spend time knowing and loving you. When you are confident enough to put yourself out there, you would recognize who’s good for you.
19. You have, and know your boundaries: Boundaries serve you well. It is important to have, and know them well. Boundaries help to avoid being taken advantage of. When you are letting someone into your life, with all that intimacy, you must set boundaries. They’re essential for keeping a relationship healthy. “I’d rather be single, in a comfortable relationship with myself, than trapped in a dysfunctional, toxic relationship with someone else,” certified relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca tells Bustle.
20. You are able to trust your partner: Trust issues are very common among people who grew up in rough families, recovering victims of sexual assault, recovering victims of toxic relationships etc. There’s a litany of reasons to have trust issues. But being able to trust is essential for the success of any relationship. What does trust look like in a healthy relationship? Not constantly worrying about your partner cheating, not constantly worrying about who your partner is texting, not constantly stalking your partner to catch them in the wrong etc.
21. You are not looking or waiting. You know it will come: This one I think is controversial. A Relationship isn’t something you search for, it is something that happens to you. You prepare for it and it happens to you. Think about it like preparedness meeting opportunity. When you stop focusing and searching for it. Rather, you prepare for it by setting boundaries, loving yourself, living your life etc. the relationship will happen to you.
22. You are not afraid of change: With every relationship comes change. One who isn’t ready to change, isn’t ready to grow — and definitely isn’t ready for a relationship. It is important to recognize that change will come. It is important to embrace change and not be afraid of it.
23. You are tired of flirting and playing games: How do you feel when dating is referred to as a game? I am interested to know. I’d tell you this, I don’t support the idea. I think relationships are meant to end in commitment if you and a partner agree to be together — and there is no abuse in the relationship. If it’s only going to last a while, then it is a vacation-ship in my opinion. Tell me what you think. When you are done playing games and you are ready to commit to a partner — you are ready for a relationship.
24. You know how to compromise: Once you know what you refuse to compromise on, like your morals, you can see that there is room for differing opinions on other areas. Different people will have different thoughts on topics from politics to how to prepare green beans, and you’re okay with someone who isn’t exactly like you.
25. You know how to listen: Being able to communicate means being able to listen. Listening is an effortful activity that involves true and intentional processing of what is being said. Listening is an attractive feature on any partner.
26. You know that you deserve love: In the time that you’ve been single, you’ve come to accept yourself as you are, flaws and all. This self-love in your vulnerable state has uncovered a more real you who won’t accept less than a great love. You’re ready to take the risk of finding the right person because you know that you deserve to not settle for less.
27. You don’t use abusive techniques to mask your insecurity: Many people out there are abusive and don’t even know it. A relationship would expose everything. If you’re looking to hide your self — do not get into a relationship. One common abusive technology that people use in relationships is the silent treatment. I talk about that in more detail in the article below.
This Is What I Learned.
It is very easy to lose sight of everything else when your focus is on one thing — one person. Recall #1, you complete your self — your focus must start with you, always.
As you embark on the journey to find “the one” you must be sure to hold that person to a standard that you can attain.
This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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