Watch for these patterns—and prevent your relationship from becoming a ticking time bomb.
Relationships are more than just a “two way street”. There are miniscule twists and turns in between that “it takes two to tango” discernment we all seem to come across at some point in our relationships. Once we begin to adamantly insist that someone other than ourselves has the ability to directly cause us joy or pain, this very thought quickly takes away our own power as self-loving individuals, placing the power of our moods at any point (whether happy or sad) easily into someone else’s hands. While that can be a beautiful thing, we do not want to later blame anyone for our own choices in life, for we need to learn to stand on our own two feet first before instilling the idea that relationships are solely a give and take kind of situation.
You Aren’t Being True to Yourself
If you don’t express your true feelings, you run the risk of not being your true self.
In a relationship we want to please the other. We want to put our best foot forward, while sacrificing our realness at times. This is a bad idea. Don’t put on masks in your relationship as it will confuse your whole identity. Always be true to yourself without games or mimics. Feel totally OK with expressing how you feel if it is from your heart and not pointing fingers on someone else. That is the most beautiful part of being in a relationship. It is the very core of a meaning growing partnership when two people desire to share their hearts and honesty with the one they love.
You Can’t Allow Yourself to Be Wrong
When having arguments, leave out the superiority complex.
All couples have arguments, as this is how we get to know each other, learn how to work with each other, and grow together through those conversations. However, we never want to admit when we are wrong. The reason people act this way is because they do not want to “lose.” This is all ego based, so an inflated self-esteem is common with the addition of lacking interest in the other’s opinions or thoughts. To break it down a step further, when we get those bursts of a superiority complex running through our veins, our attitudes become entirely defensive in that we conceal all our true feelings out of fear of failure or inferiority. It is difficult enough to have a decent argument but when superiority complexes roll out, they create additional tension and psychological barriers that hinder the relationship from growing in a positive light together. Therefore, next time you begin to act all egocentric during your argument, take a deep breath and let go the need to control.
You Don’t Honor Your Differences
Ignoring the emotional needs of your partner creates friction between both partners.
Respecting your partner is how you first pay attention to their needs. Sometimes you expect your partner to think and act just like you, but we are all different in unique ways. It would be wise to accept that from the get go and in addition, celebrate those differences rather than become critical because someone is different from you. When someone other than you needs to be heard, do you really listen? I mean do you really sit down with them, without imposing previously thought out perceptions of what you will answer next? We stopped listening compassionately because we got too self-involved with ourselves. This makes for trouble when you have an argument with your significant other. We need to be free to express our needs and even more we need to feel like our partner is supporting us while we may go off on a tangent now and again. Connecting through understanding and acceptance on an emotional level is what we need to do in order to feel that bond of love.
The take away is simple: be honest with your feelings, emotions, and needs. Know that when you have ample amounts of self-love and self-respect, you can easily connect on the same level with someone who does the same. Say yes to communication but say no to blame. We blame when we don’t have the resources to see our own faults, so it is much easier to pack on the responsibility to our other half if our own thoughts haven’t yet been internalized accurately. Remember, self-love is simply the ability to gain a true understanding of love within you first rather than saying that someone has left you affected in some way.
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