Wahoo! Dating a new person is so fun!
I am with you. Getting to know somebody you have quickly formed a connection with can be one of the best feelings in the world.
Plenty of fun dates, playful conversation, and great sex if you’ve reached that point.
Dun, dun, dun!
The end of the honeymoon phase has come.
Fun dates have turned to fit into each other’s schedules, and the playful conversation has turned into “what’s your five-year plan,” but, hey, the sex is still great.
I am joking with you, but the main point is that there will be a time in any new relationship when the honeymoon is over, and you start to dig into each other on a deep level.
Your fear of “exposing yourself” does not have to exist as long as you understand yourself and have a plan on how you will develop in the future.
If you follow my writing, you’ve guessed it; I’m talking about sharing your attachment style with your partner.
It is not anything to be ashamed of and will help you and your partner dive into the next phase of your relationship as long as you follow these simple steps.
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I want to reiterate a point through all my attachment-style articles. You are not creating a system to meet the demands of your attachment style, but you are making a model you and your partner can utilize as you grow and change.
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Plan your communication style
The first step in sharing your attachment style is easy because you will already be doing it as you share.
Communicate!
You fight an internal battle with how you receive thoughts and actions from others. It is important to remember that this is your perception.
- Depending on your attachment style, it can take time to be vulnerable (dismissive-avoidant).
- You can desire quick resolutions and express every emotion running through your mind (anxious or preoccupied).
- It can also take you time to gain long-term trust (fearful-avoidant).
These behavioral dynamics play out in your relationships, so as they arise, you see them as personal rather than universal issues.
Understand the actions and reactions of your attachment style and communicate the triggers that will cause you to deactivate.
Talk about how you and your partner best give and receive emotions. For example, some receive feelings as criticism, and others can see them as vital information.
Give insight into your expression of feelings. Some of you are vocal, while others act out.
Remember, these are things we are working to fix. Be self-aware and also receptive to your partner’s needs.
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Workshop
Following step one, you must be able to work as a team.
Yes, you have to give up your individual, self-centered philosophies about how your relationship best suits you.
Shucks!
Step two is about working as a team to set boundaries that will prevent the emotional responses to the behavioral dynamics of your relationship.
When your attachment styles clash is when the emotional responses create a gap. Communication will suffer, and so will your bond unless you make boundaries!
- Being able to set boundaries such as limited time for space, five-minute mid-argument timeouts, and code words for acknowledging an argument is getting out of hand, are essential.
- These tools sound childish but will stop behaviors that lead to hurtful consequences.
“Expose yourself,” and have an honest conversation about your behaviors and your partner’s. Create a two-way system that allows you to develop and feel safe and grounded.
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Have fun
Let’s do this; how about we stop talking about all the negatives of our attachment style and talk about the positives?
I know the main piece of this is that our partner knows our triggers, boundaries, past traumas, and the pieces to the puzzle that form our behaviors.
There is another side to this dynamic. Every attachment style has a path to a strong bond and a healthy dynamic that leads toward becoming secure.
- Reward your partner with words of affirmation even if it is not their first love language. It doesn’t matter who you are; everyone loves to hear appreciation for their actions and care from their partner.
- Surprise your partner with a small gift, date, or a kind act like a massage when they do something you appreciate.
A positive in every attachment style is a partner who will trust you and enjoy their deep connection with you; once they get to that point in their relationship.
Enjoy the process as long as you acknowledge that a process exists.
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Once you have developed a bond with your partner based on your growth rather than how you can change individually, your behaviors will change as a couple.
Your attachment style will be less aggravating to your partner once you dig into your dynamic as a unit.
I get it, it is scary to expose your weaknesses and talk about your past, but it truly is the only way to the light at the end of the tunnel.
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Want to learn more about your attachment style? Dig into some of my past articles that can relate directly to you!
Forget about Love Languages and Dig into These 4 Attachment Styles
3 Helpful Pieces of Advice for Dating a Fearful Avoidant Partner
3 Helpful Pieces of Advice for Dating a Dismissive Avoidant Partner
3 Helpful Pieces of Advice for Dating an Anxious Preoccupied Partner
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
