3 Steps to Handle the Pain of Being Gaslighted

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If you are a human being—and we know you are—then, at one point in time or another, you have been gaslighted. Due to being human—if for no other reason—at one time or another, you have also done something that hurt another person. Anyone around you can be easily hurt by you.

The world I visualize is one in which we treat everyone like the innocent baby they were upon their first breath. If we want a loving, healthy, caring and safe society; we can have it. Every human is carrying some pain and trauma deep within. We owe it to ourselves, and to all selves, to do things better.

In recent days, I have received several nasty and insulting messages. So what does one do, on a spiritual healing level, to transform these painful moments into something more loving, for yourself and those in your world?

Here are 3 steps to reduce the pain of being gaslighted.

1. Understand why people gaslight.

There is a reason why people learn to manipulate, and the key word here is “learn”. People are hurt, sad, angry, scared, abused, deprived, coerced, misled, cheated, trapped, violated, fearful, in danger and one hundred other reasons you may know nothing about. Gaslighting is what a very hurt person does to have some sort of control. That is what manipulation is: an attempt to have some control. They are gaslighting you for any of these reasons, almost none of which have to do with you. It is not about you.

2. Separate the behavior from the person.

As we have all experienced, some of the people we like and love are also the ones who have hurt us the most. Sometimes we have a conflict with hurt people as we are all hurt in some ways. Maybe for the sake of all, it is possible to try. Don’t negate the good that is real. If you had a good experience and enjoyed a moment or connection with a person who had also gaslighted you, let that beauty persist. There is healing value in celebrating the good.

3. Forgive the person gaslighting.

Their intent is rooted in something deeper than you. You are the recipient of rage for many reasons that have very little do with you. When it feels personal, it’s not.

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