30 Lessons from My 30-Year-Old Self

I have read so many of these in my 20s, that these kind of write-ups make me want to throw up. Not because of the hangover after my 30th birthday bash, but because everyone can share experiences, and yes, it does get better, but nobody can tell you how your life should be. You are the one living it. You’re going to learn through it, not by reading something someone said about their 20s online!

I am completely off-selling myself, ain’t I? Well, maybe I am using reverse psychology in a risky way to make you read this. You know what, at this point I am just blabbering. And here I thought I’d be better at writing at least by the time I was 30! That didn’t get crossed off the bucket list.

I actually never had a bucket list. I just believed in myself and kept my faith. Life just flew by. Sometimes like a spring breeze with the fragrance of the fresh flowers, and sometimes, what seemed like an unending and inevitable hurricane!

But Life did surprise me. I even surprised myself many times. And when I turned 30 in January’25, I officially felt like an ‘actual, mature, who has it together’ adult! Well, until I started writing this!

So, without any more blabbering, here are my 30 lessons that I am sharing to actually tell myself. However, if you resonate with them, leave a comment or at least know that you’re not alone.

“One day you will look back and see that all along you were blooming.”

— Morgan Harper Nichols

1. It’s okay to outgrow people, places and even passions.

We have all heard about it. We all lose people while growing up. But life is about more than people. We lose our ways, dreams, passions and sometimes ourselves too in the process of actually finding our purpose.

There comes a time when our childhood friend seems like a stranger. The reasons for it vary too. Different experiences, family dynamics, etc. We can feel like that person/place/passion doesn’t suit us. It hasn’t evolved as per our mindset. It demands something we can’t fulfil, and it’s okay. We gotta move on without regrets. Because at one point it did make us happy. Now, we gotta find something that’ll make the present us happy.

2. It’s okay to start over at 30. Or any time. 

30 is the new 20, yes? No. It isn’t. And to be honest, I am glad it isn’t. The clarity, stillness and calmness within can never be attained at 20. And that’s too much to ask from 20! It’s a delicate age of learning, hustling, dreaming, failing, trying again, falling and getting up. Once all that’s done, comes 30. To practice all we have learned. So, I am starting over with everything. Hope you do too if it’s needed!

3. Never settle for less than you deserve.

Especially in all your relationships. Period.

4. Always, always speak for yourself.

Say ‘No’, but politely. Agree to disagree and always ask questions.

5. Patience is the key, but confidence is the push that opens all the doors.

Admit it. Without confidence, we cannot write and share. We can’t do anything if we don’t believe in ourselves. So, yes, just believe in yourself.

6. Being quiet is more peaceful than sharing your opinions every time.

Early 20s teach us to share, connect, communicate and by the time we are 30, we tend to be more and more judgemental of people, their opinions, behaviours, level of their self-awareness and even empathy. So, while we observe and judge, it isn’t necessary to share your piece of mind with people who only believe in attaining their own peace of mind.

7. Family is everything…if you have the right one.

Yes, sarcasm and fact. The right family is very important and rare. To add, it is a blessing. Be grateful to have the right one that supports you in every walk of life. And hope you create/be part of the one someday. Be it friends or your future family.

8. If/when you find The One, you’ll know.

The nervous system, Chico. It doesn’t lie.
Your calmness in their presence is directly proportional to them being The One! That being said, finding a partner doesn’t make us whole. We’re whole, and if we are lucky enough, we’ll stumble upon another whole that adds to our lives and our growth. But if we don’t, we are still always growing and thriving.

9. Soulmates aren’t a myth.

Friends. Mum. Dad. Siblings. Partner. They’re everywhere. You must have heard about this saying, ‘You’re the five people you hang out with’. I think it isn’t just said for the sake of personal growth alone, those closest to us, have the reflections of our souls, which is why we feel so connected to them. And in that case, by loving them, you’re also loving yourself.

10. God isn’t a myth either, and is kind if you are too.

Kindness is rare, yet I see a lot of it around me. And it does get rewarded and appreciated by the Supreme. Faith takes you a long way in your journey to attain peace in life. Pray, meditate, believe.

11. It’s okay to feel guilty of your privileges, but never be sorry for them.

I do feel sad, and I am sure many of us do, when we witness that someone is the same age as us or is older, but is suffering or struggling in more than one way. We wonder, what if it were us in their place! We are so blessed, but why aren’t they? Then begins the guilt trip.

Such is life. Good for some, great for others. And for some, it is just.

12. You’re not always right.

And as soon as you accept it, you’ll grow faster.

13. Failure is heartbreaking.

Yes, have heard many yapping about ‘Failure is important’, ‘Without failure you cannot grow or learn’ and so on. However, nobody talks about how heartbreaking it can be. It makes you want to give up on everything and run away to a place where no one knows you. Failure is vital to our growth, but before the growth arrives, there is only, what seems like an ‘unending slump of guilt, sadness and embarrassment’.

14. Loneliness is the harsh reality of life.

No matter how many friends or best friends you have, you are bound to feel lonely if you are even a teeny-tiny bit self-aware. The more you know about life and the depth of your existence and human suffering, the lonelier you’re going to feel. That’s why the oblivious ones are chilling and the ones who know are killing (themselves inside).

15. Deep breathing fixes anxiety…in the moment.

Breathing exercises of different forms can help you get in control of your anxiety. But seeking help is always going to help you the most.

16. Healing begins with art.

Painting, writing, cooking, singing… Love your art, live your art. Your life will love you back.

17. Social media is a great TOOL only.

Enough said about this already. The conundrum of sharing everything online seems absurd when you reach 30. You feel you’re better off without social media, and the more you use it, the more chaos it causes. There begins your love-hate relationship with it. You reach a point where you use it to learn, stay updated and sometimes laugh a little over shared memes. That’s it.

18. Slow life is a luxury. If you choose your hustle wisely.

Many writers on Medium are full-time freelancers, writers and creators. That’s the hustle they chose, and I appreciate it. They are their bosses and they can do their routines, travel and more, all on their terms. But it takes a lot of hard work to reach that point.

We don’t know how many hours and years it took for them to get here. Commendable. Having a slow life like you wanted must feel like a dream, because the reality of work-life balance is well-known, and work-slow life balance is not a myth when you hustle for yourself, no matter what you do.

19. I don’t miss the 17-year-old me.

The time approaching 30 is the most crucial. You feel so lost, so under-achieved and overwhelmed with responsibilities coming your way, that you just want to go back in time and feel like your 17-year-old self felt. Free, optimistic, ambitious and excited about life. 2 years ago, I had an epiphany. I had a sobbing episode in my bedroom, alone, when I pleaded for my ‘teenage innocence and optimism’ back.

It may not be the case for the Gen Zs though, they grew up way too fast, but for the 90s kids, life without social media was quiet, quiet. And the moment you turn 30, the ease, contentment, and gratitude you feel cannot be experienced by your teenage self.

20. Reading is the best way to enhance intellectuality.

Believe it or not, reading is the most useful hobby anyone can ever have. I will definitely share books I love in my next write-up. You can share some recommendations in the comments for the books that changed you or helped you. Would love to read them.

21. Early 20s are for trials & errors.

Enough said.

22. Passion can be a profession.

I have been writing since 2009. Then I wrote in many formats for Radio, Web, Advertising, while also writing poetry and blogs. We are the internet generation, and everything is possible. So, if you’re passionate enough, and are willing to hustle enough, you can achieve things.

23. Manifestation combined with intention and dedication is deadly.

I didn’t believe in manifestation. I just believed in my hard work and intention and got where I wanted to be. After I turned 30, I did look back on what I have done so far in life. Everything made sense. I did everything I wanted to, maybe it was manifestation, but it wouldn’t have been if it wasn’t for my belief in myself.

24. Love is the most powerful force.

For ourselves, for nature, humanity, and art. Love in any form and every form is the answer to everything.

25. Not every friend can be a ‘friend’, and it’s okay.

This is a grown-up thing. Although not all grown-ups understand this. Only the ones with self-awareness, maturity and empathy will know. Friendships are hard work, and sometimes when hard work seems one-sided, growth cannot be sustained.

The friendships that do survive the test of time should be welcomed, and the ones that couldn’t, shall be mourned, remembered, well-put in memory and honoured. Because at every point in our lives, every person who extended a loving or caring hand was our guiding light, and a light like that can be far or dimmer, but it never switches off itself.

26. Late 20s can also be for trials & errors.

In relationships, friendships, careers and even with finding your purpose. To be honest, even after turning 30, I don’t have a concrete purpose. Maybe there is no need to have one. Maybe our purpose is just to be and let others be. Spread love and kindness, and try to live our lives to the fullest.

27. Being with yourself and enjoying life as it flows is a hard but beautiful mindset to attain.

It takes the whole of your 20s to come to this point. It takes a lot of work on yourself, understanding people, life, situations, and not getting broken from all of it. It takes courage to stand on your feet after every defeat and still feel a triumph that no one sees but you. When that moment arrives, tell no one. Just smile, take a sigh, thank yourself and live on.

28. Therapy has many forms. One of them is crying or crying alone.

Weekends are for parties? No. My weekends sometimes consist of emotional breakdowns, especially in my 20s. It helped me calm down. Crying, writing, thinking- they were my ways to channel my overwhelmed emotions. I don’t think it was unhealthy. I think it was vital to go through that by myself, because it made me understand that I can rely on myself to deal with my emotions. I asked for help whenever I needed to. Talking to close ones, writing, sleeping… Anything works. But therapy of any kind will only help us.

29. Chaos does settle down.

Until it rises back up in new forms in your 30s. Chaos is a part of life, just as life is a part of us. We can learn to embrace it, maybe laugh it off in fleeting moments and ease it a little.

30. Content can be felt when you let expectations go.

As I write this 30th lesson, I do feel content. (Especially because I was finally able to finish this write-up, which I had started writing in January’25 itself). I realise now that when there is ease within yourself, no rush and no pressure to be a certain way or do things a certain way, you can feel content in life.

I hope you feel content after reading this. If you’re 30 years old already, let me know if you resonate with the lessons or add to them based on your experiences. If you’re not 30 yet, I hope it helps you feel a bit calmer and hopeful. I wish you peace of mind that you so deserve after being so famished for it in your 20s.

Thanks for reading, Namaste. If you liked this, you can connect on my Instagram and visit my Website.