4 Ideas to Reconnect Intimately Without Sex

Our desire does not respond to any agenda.

Scheduling sex can be very helpful for some couples. Whether for those who struggle to find time for it, or those who are stressed, busy and preoccupied all the time. Making room for desire in our daily lives is difficult for almost everyone.
That’s why many couples decide to plan a time dedicated to sex every week, every month, or at their convenience. And if it works, great!

But it can only work if the desire is present, and only needs a space to exist.

For couples who are experiencing decreases in desire, who feel far away from each other, and who are having trouble (re)connecting intimately, it may be more relevant to schedule intimate time rather than dedicated sex time, which could be a source of pressure.

Here are 4 ideas to reconnect intimately with your partner without the pressure of sex:

Take a shower/bath together.

This is a great way to bring back the skin-to-skin contact that can sometimes be missing. Nudity is also a catalyst for vulnerability, a cornerstone of any intimate connection. If you wish, soap each other up, to re-establish physical contact, free of sexual expectations.

Listen to an erotic podcast together.

Why not start by listening to a podcast to initiate a discussion about your desires? Many couples struggle to find an entry point to communicate their desires. Erotic stories can help. “Do you like what we hear?” “Would you like to try this?” “Oh yes, you too, I can see that you like what we just heard”.
You can laugh, be embarrassed, excited, disgusted, the idea is that you spend a moment together to communicate around the topic, to free your speech, and confide in your partner what turns you on and what turns you off.

Take time to cuddle.

Go to bed and instead of reading, watching TV, or scrolling through your phones, just cuddle. Without a time limit, without being in a rush, take this time to connect your bodies, to feel the energy flow between you.

Give yourself a massage.

You can also opt for a massage, in turn, not on the same day. This is important so that the person being massaged can enjoy the benefits and relax, and feel cared for without the need for reciprocation in the moment: it is liberating.
Use oils with a scent you like, dim the lights, put on a playlist you enjoy, give yourself a moment of intimacy that suits you.
And agree before you start that you don’t expect sex. If it happens it will be a bonus, but that’s not the point.

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The goal of these activities is to enjoy time together and be truly present to each other.
If desire emerges, it can be a nice surprise, but you shouldn’t focus on it or expect it.

You won’t solve a libido “problem” by obsessing over it and putting pressure on yourself. It’s the opposite. It is by sharing intimate moments with your loved one that, little by little, at your own pace, you will remember why, one day, you desired this person so much.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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