You have been in a relationship for a reasonable enough amount of time. The next logical step would be to ask her to marry you. So why haven’t you? Well, because there are some things that you are not so sure you want in your Mrs. Forever. Here are four important things that may be holding you back from forever with her.
1. Bro Time
This is not the beginning of the relationship anymore. Pretty sure you do not need to spend every waking moment together. You know that, but try explaining that to her. Right? When you tell her about your plans for a guys night out, she may go from zero to sixty real quick. You used to always take her with you, why the change? So, now she is thinking, “he must not feel the same, I must have done something wrong, why doesn’t he want me around anymore, is there someone else?” All you want to do is go have a few beers with your boys and watch the game.
This is annoying, we get it. There is a good chance if she responds this way that she does not spend a lot of time with her girlfriends. Independence with friends apart is crucial to a healthy relationship. We always say that your partner cannot be your lover and your best friend, that is too much pressure on anyone. There is a sense of freedom that comes when you can separate your lives for short moments with other people who are important to you, and then come back together as one. She needs girl time just as much as you need bro time, help her to understand why both are equally important.
2. Outside Appearance
Date nights used to come with sexy hair, red lipstick and heels. Now date night consists of jeans, a ponytail, and glasses. You used to cook healthy meals together and now she is too exhausted from work and would rather eat take-out. Her gym routine was scheduled into her calendar, and now her Nike’s are collecting dust in the closet.
Appearance is not everything, but you still want her to look good for you and a healthy lifestyle is important. It is easier not to say anything because you do not want to hurt her feelings, but trust us, she would rather you be honest. She wants to look good for you; she wants to feel sexy to you, but, unfortunately, the comfort zone usually comes with blinders and gets the best of our physical appearance. Be the leader, lift her up in praise and be her number one supporter. Remind her how much you love that little black dress, and she will be motivated to rock it for you.
3. Social Life
You love nights out with friends, family events, group vacations; anything that gets you out, surrounded by good people and having a good time. It just feels right. Monday comes around, and you are already checking in with your friends to see what is going on this coming weekend. She used to love to be social with you, and you are not sure what happened. The problem is that at the beginning of relationships, we conform to who we think the other person wants us to be. So, if you love to be social, and she saw that made you happy, she was probably more than willing to stand by your side.
This is a tough one. Your need to be social is in your blood. If you are the type of person who goes out, and it becomes all about you, then yeah, she is probably not into that anymore. We wouldn’t be either. Social outings should be about the two of you, you should be able to work the room separately, but it is important to acknowledge each other’s presence throughout the night. Our advice is that if this is very important to you that you seek to understand if there is something you can do to help her feel comfortable in social outings. Or, if this is how it is always going to be.
4. The Plan
In a healthy relationship, there should always be room for compromise.
You have always envisioned your future with a beautiful wife and children, but you do not have a set timeline for when this has to happen. She, on the other hand, has been planning her future her whole life. The second you put a ring on her finger, she is going to be booking the wedding venue and picking out your first child’s name. That is a lot of pressure, we understand that you want to be positive she is the one before you take the next step.
In a healthy relationship, there should always be room for compromise. There is a good chance if she knew you have a fear of rushing each step to forever, she would be willing to slow down.
Here is the deal: she is waiting for you. She does not know these concerns are holding you back from taking the next step because you have not told her. You owe it to the both of you to have this conversation. There are two possible outcomes. One, you are giving her the opportunity to walk away if your expectations are not for her. Or, two, you talk through your concerns. She then has the opportunity to talk through her concerns, you meet in the middle, and your relationship becomes stronger than ever.
Photo: Flickr/ Ed Yourdon