4 Reasons Why Attractive Men Don’t Deserve a Chance

Let me start by stating the obvious: looks matter.

Yes, relationships require more than looks. You have to share similar values, respect each other, and have the same goals. Still, if you’re not attracted to your partner, you may as well remain friends.

What’s surprising is that I’ve never had good experiences when I chose attractive guys.

The most remarkable experience was with Jake. We met at university when we had a lecture together. He was the type of guy who instantly caught your attention: he cared for his looks, was charismatic, and was genetically blessed. Back then, I thought he was the whole package.

Then, we went on a date, and it was… terrible.

Since that night, I changed my perspective when it comes to attractive men. Sure, this doesn’t apply to everyone — it just applies to most men I’ve been with.

Here’s why good-looking men don’t deserve a chance:

1. They can’t handle rejection.

Attractive men are used to winning. When you have women falling on your feet, you get what you want. Winning is great for their self-esteem, but it has one crucial problem.

People who are used to winning can’t face rejection.

Jake didn’t handle my rejection gracefully. After the first date, he invited me to go out again. Since I wasn’t interested, I chose to be honest. Once he read my text, he snapped. He said he didn’t even have fun, and I was lucky to go out with him.

The problem is: if he can’t face this small rejection, how does he behave with bigger rejections?

Rejection happens to everyone, and dealing with it gracefully is a sign of maturity.

2. They are not invested in you.

Attractive men can have any girl he wants: he’s always one swipe away from a date. Now, that’s great for him, but it reflects on the way he behaves. It means that if he doesn’t like you, he can find someone else in the next few minutes.

This man is not invested in you.

Jake didn’t put much effort into the date: he didn’t choose a nice place, didn’t make me feel special, and didn’t seem interested in me.

He treated me like I was disposable.

You may say, “he just met you; why would he treat you like the queen of England?” Sure, we went on only one date. But this mindset of replacing things easily is a red flag.

Relationships take effort. The first date is when you show your best qualities in the hopes of getting a second date. If he’s not willing to put in the effort from the start, it tends to get worse when he’s comfortable in the relationship.

3. They don’t listen to you.

Communication is the foundation of every relationship. But communication is a two-way street, and both parties need to participate. The goal of any date is to get to know the partner, so talking is key.

Jake was too self-absorbed to communicate with me.

He didn’t ask me questions and wasn’t interested in what I had to say. However, he was eager to discuss anything about his life: his hobbies, friends, and grades. The night turned out to be a Jake-monologue, and I was the only person in the audience.

Self-confidence is great. But Jake crossed that line: he was only interested in himself. And good looks don’t make up for that.

4. They pressure you.

Attractive guys care for their looks: they buy fancy clothes, wear a nice perfume, and work out. It takes effort to look good, and I appreciate that. Attractive men want attractive women, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The problem is when they pressure you to change.

Throughout the night, Jake commented on my looks multiple times, and not in a good way. He mentioned how I should style my hair and commented on my choice of food. These comments were disguised as “I just want to help you improve,” but they’re still offensive. I’m an adult, and I can make my own choices.

As much as I hate to admit it, Jake made me feel uncomfortable, ugly, and insecure about my looks.

Good-looking men act as you owe them something — you have to make the same efforts as they do. But it’s your decision to make these efforts. If a man makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a major red flag.

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Being attractive is not necessarily a bad thing. But, if you’re looking for something serious, you need more than that. Sure, they’re incredibly charming, and handsome men stand out. Still, don’t forget to take a step back and analyze their attitudes.

My terrible experience doesn’t mean all good-looking men behave the same way. It means if you truly want to know a person, watch their actions.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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