4 Ways to Know if a Man May be a Good Role Model to His Children

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A common question many women grapple with when deciding whether or not to spend the rest of their lives with someone is if he will be a good father to their eventual children – specifically if he will be a good role model to them. After all, a father’s impact on a child cannot be overstated.

While there’s no absolute way to know, here are some questions that can help you gauge your own perception of your man’s role model capabilities.

1. Are they optimistic?

Oftentimes, role models influence more by what their disposition is all the time rather than the successes they have sometimes. Remember that observing their father teaches them how to be all the time, even in mundane situations – like waiting for food at a restaurant or their mood is when they wake up in the morning.

Take a step back and notice how optimistic or pessimistic they are. Do you feel happier and lighter being around them because of their view of the world? Or do you find yourself settling into your own pessimism? Your children will mirror this exact mood, so pay close attention.

2. Are they hardworking?

The real value of a man is not necessarily in the successes they’ve had but in the value of their work ethic. For me, I care specifically about how hard my children work and how they continue to try, even if they fail at first. Will your man exhibit this work ethic by putting in late hours and talking about the value of hard work, or does he always do the bare minimum?

Another way to think through this question is: are you inspired by how he works? In the same way that your children will mimic his disposition, they will also mimic his work ethic far into their own lives.

3. What are his values?

In the same way that it’s necessary to align values when entering a lifelong partnership with someone, it’s also important to think about how those values will be understood by your children. This is an intentionally open-ended question: maybe your idea of ‘values’ relates to your religious affiliation, or maybe it’s just the bare basics, like honesty and compassion. Would you be proud of your children if they adopted his values?

4. Are you proud of all he’s done?

Finally, it’s important to give your children a father they can be proud of. When you speak of him, all he’s accomplished professionally, all he’s committed to personally, and how he shows up for others, how proud are you? That’s the same man that your future children will talk about to their friends, family members, and their own children, one day. If our characters are comprised of our actions, looking at his actions over time proves how much of a role model he really can be.

Some of these questions may carry more weight than others — intuitively, you’ll know if he’s the right man to start a family with, and how pleased you’ll be if your children become just like him.

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Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood