Men are fearless. We’re never scared; we never experience fear.
Without a doubt, these statements are true. Except, well… when they aren’t. I’m a guy who works professionally with fellow gents. In working with clients, I’ve discovered something about both other men, and myself. I’ve discovered that us guys secretly are afraid. What follows are 5 fears men secretly have.
#1 – Fear of Being Found Out
Fear number one that I notice guys like myself secretly have is the fear that others will know we’re scared. Oh, yes, fear of others knowing we experience fear. It sounds so trivial at first, but this one’s real. I’ve experienced this first hand. Upon starting my business at the start of this year, in fact, I secretly felt massive amounts of uncertainty, which manifested into… you guessed it: fear. I tried to hide it. I pretended it wasn’t there. This only made the fear more intense! Upon working more with other gents, I noticed I was not alone here. Guys hate others realizing they’re afraid!
On the other hand, women, as any female reading this will confirm, have far less hesitation to share their fears with others. Girls ask their girlfriends for words of encouragement, advice, and support on a regular basis regarding their fears and worries. So often, this is what women talk about! But not us guys. Oh no! A guy admitting he’s scared of something when out with his male buddies is equivalent to him admitting to the cop that, “Yes, I was speeding, officer! Yes! I was texting too. Yes, you should absolutely give me a ticket!” It rarely happens and it goes completely against what feels natural to us.
What’s more, this fear to admit we’re secretly scared of something is even more pronounced when women are around! In the presence of women, us men really want to stick our chests out! Yet again, secretly, we’re often secretly scared. Paradoxically, it’s this lack of willingness men have to be open with our fears that seemingly gives fear more fuel.
#2 – Fear of Failure
The second fear guys secretly struggle with is the fear of failure. I’ve equally experienced this countless times myself, but true to my male genetics, I regularly notice myself feeling reluctant to share when I feel the fear of failure creeping up inside of me. Us men believe admitting that we’re afraid of failure damages our masculinity and our pride. It’s almost as if admitting that failure scares us emasculates us the very moment we mutter the words!
Of course, this seems silly when expressed aloud. Everyone knows failure is undesirable. Why wouldn’t you fear it? Do you want to fail to pay your mortgage? Of course not! Who wants to fail in their career? Nobody! Then why is it that us guys try to pretend we aren’t afraid to fail? It makes no sense. Yet, as the guys reading this will probably confirm in their own minds, it’s remarkably true. Us guys do not like failure, but even more than the fear of failure, we don’t want anyone to know we’re secretly afraid of it.
#3 – Fear of Not Being a Good Provider
Next, the third fear us guys secretly have is a potentially crippling one! This fear has the power to send us into a tailspin if we’re not careful. What is it? It’s the secret fear we have of not providing enough for our families, our spouse, and our loved ones. Ask any father if he believes he should provide for the well being of his loved ones and he’ll immediately respond, “of course!”
Consequently, us men are secretly terrified of being unable to provide. This secret fear runs deep. It’s literally in our DNA to provide for our families, from our ancestry. Yet, as men, we feel compelled to make providing look effortless and nonchalant. We’re supposed to make this look easy, right? As men, we want to be SO capable that it’d be insulting for you to even insinuate that we may feel fear about not providing enough for our loved ones! This desire to make providing for our loved ones look easy manifests into more fear. Fear that we wont be able to do just that – provide enough. It’s a secret that can potentially begin a vicious cycle of fear.
#4 – Fear of Being Criticized
Fear number four is yet another dirty little secret us guys hold onto. We secretly hate to be criticized. Yet most of us men, when someone talks badly upon us, stick our chests out and say, “Oh yea! Say it to my face.” We act as if we’re impervious to criticism. We sometimes even act as if we’re inspired by it! Maybe we are! We feel compelled to show our fearlessness when we’re criticized.
But deep down, we fear criticism just like anyone. But us guys are smooth with this one. We play it off well by readily admitting that we do not particularly enjoy criticism. Ask a guy if he likes criticism and he’ll likely say “no, of course not.” But then ask a guy if he’s afraid of criticism and he’ll also reply, “No way!” But deep down, most of us are afraid of criticism. What we really want, deep down, is to be accepted.
#5 – Fear of Being a Lousy Lover
Lastly, and this is a big one, us guys are secretly terrified of being sexually inept. This is the holy grail of fears us guys secretly have. If there’s anything we want the world to believe about us, as men, it’s that we’re masterful lovers who exude total confidence and fearlessness in the bedroom. This one strikes a deep chord in the male ego. I’ve felt this one flare up myself. As men, we pride ourselves, both with the our male friends, and around women, in making sure we appear confident and certain about ourselves when the topic of sex gets discussed.
No guy wants to admit he’s afraid of how he’ll perform in the bedroom. Yet, there’s no doubt this fear is widespread. Just turn on the TV for proof. Practically every other ad on channels men watch on television is for “Viagra,” or “Cialis.” So what’s going on here? I’ll tell you. Deep down, us guys are terrified that we’re not good enough in the sack. And what’s more, we’re even more terrified that you’ll figure it out our little secret.
If there’s one thing I invite you, the guy reading this here, to do, it’s this. Be more open and accept your fears without judgement. The fact that you’re afraid simply confirms you’re a human being. What’s more, fear can be an indicator of the direction you need to move in. As Emerson said, “Always do the thing you’re afraid to do.” When you see fear as a simple indicator of what you need to do, you turn your fears into your strengths by facing them. Now that’s truly fearless.
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