The most daunting question after you’ve been with someone long enough is: how do I know this is the right person for me?
To commit to someone fully and close the doors for all the other potential isn’t always easy.
Be honest. We’ve spent time worrying about making a mistake we’ll regret forever.
However, you can rest assured. If the person you’re with gives you these feelings, there’s no doubt you’re in the right relationship with the right person.
1. You don’t have to beg for a commitment
It took me years to learn that a commitment is something that’s given.
Women, especially, are told to sit around and wait for a man to commit to them. They say all men grow tired of playing around and eventually settle down.
Those articles out there that give you some tips and tricks on how to make a man commit are enough proof of how misleading the idea is in the first place.
I hate to break it to you, but if you feel like you have to beg him for his commitment, he’s not the right person to spend your life with.
Imagine being with someone who isn’t sure whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with you or not. On top of that, you still need to ask him regularly about “where this relationship goes”.
It’s painful and humiliating at the same time. This might sound cliché, but you don’t have to do any of that when you’re in the right relationship.
2. You feel safe to be open and vulnerable
I know I’m with the right person in this long-term relationship because it doesn’t feel heavy to open up — even about the dark things related to my childhood.
I sure did have problems being vulnerable to my ex, who, I realized, didn’t care about me at all. I’m too familiar with rejection and abandonment.
Being with someone who gives me that feeling is the last thing I want to do.
The right person for you doesn’t always mean someone who has everything. They might look good on paper yet treat you poorly. It happens all the time.
If they are right for you, they will make you feel safe to open up and be vulnerable.
Life is hard. If you want to invest in a relationship, you might as well make sure it’s someone who makes you feel lighter about your life problems — not heavier.
3. You got the support you truly needed
In her book How to Not Die Alone, Logan Ury suggests that couples should do a weekly check-up on each other.
You’ll be asking some questions, such as, “How’s your week? Do you feel loved, supported, and appreciated enough by me?”
It sounds like a small task since it wouldn’t take more than 15 mins. However, many couples don’t think it’s important enough to do.
How much support you get in your relationship will determine whether you’re with the right person or not. It also can give you a bigger picture of your relationship dynamic.
Try to give your focus on this area for once. You’ll either find out your partner isn’t supportive, or you get every support you need.
If they think your goals and dreams aren’t as important as theirs, that’s a red flag.
You want a partner you can grow with — not someone who looks at you as their competitor.
4. Bringing up topics about the future is no longer a hassle
When you’re with the wrong person, talking about the future is always tricky. You’re either too scared you’ll turn them off, or you assume they aren’t ready yet.
Overall, there are a lot of insecurities going on. Still, you deserve to know about what they want in the future with you.
It’s an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s something that a couple can’t avoid.
At some point, you have to have the “talk”. Someone right for you will embrace those conversations and be willing to go as far as it gets.
When you have doubts about it, they know how to clear them. They’ll remind you of their commitment to the relationship.
When you’re with the right person, you feel free to express your thoughts about the future and not be afraid your partner will judge you.
5. No more FOMO (feeling of missing out)
It’s normal to think that other people’s relationship journey is more effortless than yours.
Still, if you keep thinking, “what if there’s someone better out there waiting for me?”, it’s one of the subtle signs. Perhaps, the person you’re dating might not be the “one”.
Think about it. Why would you think of someone else when you’re already happy in your current relationship?
You’ll get busy thinking about how to appreciate your partner better and how grateful you’re to have them in your life.
The FOMO feeling won’t be there when you’re with the right person. If you have one, maybe it’s your gut telling you that you aren’t 100% sure yet. It’s okay.
No one says the journey to a serious relationship and commitment to a person is easy. It takes time, and you’re allowed to take as much time as you need.
Parting Words
Overall, finding someone who’s right for you can take time. You might even fall into wrong relationships with people who genuinely don’t care.
However, I can tell you there will be the right person for each of us.
Many stop halfway and settle down for less than what they deserve. I hope you don’t make the same mistake and take the wrong path on your love life journey.
The cost of it might be higher than what you could imagine.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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