5 High Qualities From a Man You Should Always Look For

I spent years looking for the perfect man; tall, good-looking, and probably with a nice car too. I was shallow and I’m not proud. The 20 years-old version of me thought those were all that mattered.

I could care less about his personality and how he treated me — which in this case happens to lots of women in their early twenties. If you look back, your checklist will be so much different now than what you had when you just started dating.

As you get older, having a man who’s capable of loving you is so much more important than focusing on his physical look.

So, here are the 5 major traits you need to look for in a man if you want to build a long healthy relationship.

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1. He takes care of himself and is fully responsible

Long gone are the days when the woman has to stay in the house to take care of everything including all his needs.

Sure, it’s a partnership at the end of the day but that doesn’t mean you need to do every little thing.

He needs to know how to take care of himself, do basic cooking at least, and most importantly, be fully responsible for his own emotions. He doesn’t blame or gaslights you when things don’t work out the way he wants to.

When he’s upset, he deals with the bad feeling on his own.

If you have the need to make him feel better each time even if the problem they have has nothing to do with you, then you need to reevaluate your relationship.

Because again, it’s their job — not yours.

2. He’s grateful and doesn’t take things for granted

There’s no need to be positive all the time but it’s hard to be with someone who doesn’t know how to be appreciative. Not just about you but about life in general.

What happens when you’re going through a hard time and all he does is complain? Or other major things that life throws at you sometimes?

In my teenage years, my mom married this man and all he did was comment on every little thing that didn’t quite right for him. It’s like he was seeking something to complain about and never appreciate how hard my mom worked inside and outside the house.

He took things for granted and didn’t put his 100% effort to make the relationship with me and my brother work.

The marriage lasted for a year but I’m glad it ended and I learned you shouldn’t be with a man who does nothing but puts you down all the time.

3. He actually wants to listen to you and your problems

It’s hard to find someone who genuinely cares about you and actually wants to listen to you. Especially nowadays in modern dating where not many want to build a long-lasting relationship together.

People are stuck in situationship because they think they can’t find someone better. The thing about such a relationship is that you won’t have the chance to connect emotionally.

Most casual dating happens because of sexual needs. So it’s no surprise that if you’re in one, you can’t expect the man to stay longer, cuddle and have a real conversation — all those stuff.

Meanwhile, in a reality, you do need someone who you can talk to, someone who can listen to your problems, and someone who you can be vulnerable with.

Having a man with good listening skills is non-negotiable ’cause it’s the core of a healthy relationship.

4. He isn’t lazy and has goals in life

My friend dated this guy who hasn’t finished college after 7 years or something. The problem isn’t whether the major is too hard to finish but more of him who’s lazy to do it.

When they went out together, she had to pay for the meals every time because she was the one who was already working. Eventually, she broke it off and he went batshit crazy.

But who wants to be with someone who doesn’t even care about his own future?

You aren’t his mom. You can’t be the one who pushes him to do something or have a purpose in life.

This is an adult relationship. And being with someone who’s just as ambitious as you or at least has a goal in life is just so damn attractive.

5. He puts you in his future plans

Lastly, you want to be with someone who knows his priority. Are you in his future plans? Does he ever mention his dream life with you?

Sure it doesn’t make sense to expect that from him if you’ve only been dating for 6 months but if it’s been more than 2 years and he still doesn’t know where will the relationship go then it’s time to have the conversation.

Trust me, men don’t take that long to figure out whether he wants you or not in their life.

You don’t need to confuse yourself by playing the guessing game in your head. If genuinely wants the same thing, he’ll tell you and say it often.

Even if it’s just a small thing like using the “we” every time you talk about the future.

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Overall, be with a man who you can share your happiness with.

There are hurt and broken people out there, and sometimes they tell you they can love you while in reality, they aren’t even ready to love themselves.

Pick wisely. You’ve only got so much time in the world.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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