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When my son turned 16 in the fall, he was in no hurry to start driving. His mom and I had been his chauffeurs all his life, and he didn’t mind keeping it that way. He enjoyed playing games on his phone in the back seat while we took care of the driving.
Seeing the ability to drive as a valuable life skill, I encouraged Ben to consider getting his beginner’s permit. I was careful not to mention it too often or be overly insistent because I realized, human nature being what it is, teenagers like to make their own decisions whenever possible.
When I started teaching Ben how to drive, little did I know I would be learning valuable life skills as a result of the experience of teaching him how to handle a car and be the best driver possible.
Here are five life lessons I learned:
1. Be patient.
I used a step-by-step approach so Ben wouldn’t feel overwhelmed. At first, we went to a parking lot, and he sat in the drivers’ seat, taking time to get comfortable. He put his foot on the brake, started the car, turned off the car, checked the mirrors. We spent some time talking about the importance of not being rushed, so you follow all the necessary steps before you begin your journey.
This attention to step-by-step detail caused me to realize I could be more patient in my life and as a result, I’d be more relaxed. Although I had thought of myself as a patient person before the driver training experience, now I was becoming more patient. I put myself in Ben’s shoes and listened to the words I said, the way I said them and watched my body language. I immediately realized I needed to relax in the seat a little more and talk less. I wanted to make sure that at least seventy-five percent of what I was saying would build Ben up in an encouraging way. I figured the other twenty-five percent could be constructive criticism.
2. Know where you’re going.
Look in the direction where you’re headed. This is the first and most obvious instruction a new driver must grasp. A beginning driver tends to think about the many other distractions that can grab their attention. Think mirrors, instrument gauges, speed limits, oncoming vehicles, traffic lights, and emergency sirens. More than anything else, a driver must focus on where they’re headed.
Similarly, as a mindfulness life coach, I find that many people suffer anxiety because they haven’t decided where they want to go in life. They are aimlessly moving from one thing to another and are more concerned where others are going than they are about their own journey.
In my life, I’m frequently reminding myself to clarify where I’m headed as well. Teaching my son to drive caused me to check and recheck my own desired life destination on a daily basis.
3. Be aware of the influence of others.
Early on in Ben’s driving experience, I noticed he became visibly nervous when a car came up from behind. He’d be extra concerned he was going the right speed and was following the traffic rules. I wanted to quell this tension as soon as possible because I know that we can suffer a lot of anxiety and stress as a result of other drivers.
Sometimes drivers make it clear they want you out of the way. They speed up to your rear bumper, or they start edging over to see if they can pass you anytime soon.
As a driver, I’m aware I have some control over how much these actions by other drivers will affect me. First I have to notice my emotions and then I can usually decide how to react. This takes practice and I realize I’ve had more experience than my son has.
Being bullied on the roadway can be similar to being bullied in life. In many cases we choose how to react. It’s our reaction that often causes the biggest problem. Changing the way we respond to our emotions is a large part of mindfulness. I have become even more aware of how I react to my emotions as a result of teaching Ben to drive.
4. Listen more, talk less.
I could hear myself saying what Ben was supposed to be thinking. I would say to myself, Bruce, let Ben think for himself. Otherwise, he will become dependent on someone else telling him what to do. A driver needs to process information and not wait for the passenger to instruct him.
The same is true in life. My grandfather used to say, “do at least twice as much listening as talking. That’s why you’ve been given two ears and only one mouth.”
I’ve interviewed over three hundred guests for my Mindfulness Mode Podcast Show, and one thing I’ve learned is that you must be a terrific listener to be a good interviewer. Listen, listen, listen and then respond to the guest.
5. Have faith.
Although it was sometimes difficult, I had to have confidence and faith that Ben was not going to smash into a truck or turn into an oncoming traffic lane. I focused on the immediate moment and didn’t worry about what happened two minutes before. I also knew it was important not to think about what ‘might’ happen if Ben made a poor driving decision.
Think of the moment, think of the now. That is mindfulness. Listen to your thoughts and correct as you go. Most of us are inclined to dwell too much on the past and future and not enough on the present moment. Focusing on ‘now’ can give you peace, help you be more grounded, and even improve your driving skills
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