We usually picture new relationships in the flowery sense.
Here, both partners are happy and in love with each other. But dissatisfaction can also start in the early days and grow.
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Needs
It’s okay to say “no” to your partner. Saying “no” protects your mental health and hers. The woman hears your “yes.” but if you’re annoyed, she can sense it. A frustrated yes can make her feel guilty, so no one benefits from the compromise.
If you can’t say no to your person, let her say it. Start small by putting some of your needs over hers. One of the easiest ways to do this is by changing how you ask questions. Show that you’ve accounted for your needs. But you have an interest in hers.
- “I’m having McDonald’s for lunch. Would you like to do the same?”
- “I’m going to boy’s night out on Friday. There’s still time for planning. Will you have a girl’s night with your friends or have a chill Friday night?”
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Friction
Some women have initial rejections to love and relationships. But once you get past her walls, she lets you into her life. This change doesn’t suit men who want the challenge of a chase. Your feelings increase when a woman doesn’t reciprocate. The temporary (sometimes toxic) solution is testing the person’s boundaries. Therapy helps with this need.
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Boundaries
“I cannot swim. But if my girlfriend was drowning, I’d still dive in to save her.” — Zayn Malik.
Men (and women) have broken their boundaries to please their partners. What makes the sacrifice less frustrating? The other person’s low expectations and elimination of hope of changing you.
People want to influence other humans. They want to see if they can change or improve members of their circle. So, they encourage them beyond their boundaries. That’s why it’s essential to speak up. Your date thinks they are helping you.
It’s like Kourtney encouraging Travis to get on a plane, despite his fear. Or when Jhené Aiko pushed Big Sean to have seafood, which she knew he disliked. Standing firm on your boundaries. Allows you to set expectations and say, “Listen, I’ll do this one thing and never again. Don’t push after this.”
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Competition
Pranks can get out of hand. Everybody is competitive until the game doesn’t end in their favor. Or that’s me. Women like to mirror their men. So, leading situations with body language isn’t ideal. She’ll think you’re always playing. You’ll say, “I’m being serious, right now.” more often.
Communication separates moments into competition and collaboration. Avoid ending with “I am playing.” Use it as an introductory statement to the situation.
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Emotions
If a man isn’t comfortable with his feelings, other people’s emotions cause discomfort. The unconscious reaction is “make it stop.”. You want to solve the woman’s problem. Meanwhile, she wants you to hear her side of the story. It’s painful to watch someone you like, suffering. The go-to is tuning out your partner because you know she won’t take your advice.
But what if you thought of it as a personal reality show? We scream at people in horror movies. They still do the opposite. Right?
The talks about her day are like a verbal television show. All she wants you to do is tune in and listen. Hours after emotional spills, women are more open to suggestions.
- “Babe, I’m still thinking about stuff you told me earlier. What if you did this? Hey, and let me know if it works, okay?”
Thank you for reading this post.
(© Annie Wegner 2022-Present.)
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com