Your marriage is the most important relationship in your family. That makes a weekend tryst a good investment.
If you’ve been married more than three or four years, especially if you have children, you know that daily life tends to take a toll on marriages.
Job stresses, financial pressures, children’s activities, and the general care of a family and home can suck the life right out of you. If you’re not careful, you and your wife can end up living as co-parents and roommates, with your marriage only a shell of its former fun, sexy self.
One way to stop a downward slide into the marriage doldrums is to take time away from your day-to-day responsibilities on a regular basis, to focus on establishing an intimate connection with your wife. Yes, it’s about getting away for “hotel sex,” but that’s just part of it. It’s really about investing in your marriage in a small way that can pay big dividends.
I know from experience that it’s worth the effort. My husband and I have been married for 28 years, and we’ve done some not-so-smart things in our marriage. But one smart thing we’ve done is to get away for one or two weekends every year without our children. (We even managed a weekend away when one of our babies was still nursing, by staying in a local hotel and delivering breast milk to the grandparents who were keeping him!)
Not only did our weekends away give us much-needed breaks, they also gave us time to reconnect and to develop shared memories. And they created time and space to focus on our marriage, the most important relationship in our family, but the one that’s most easily neglected
If you’re looking for a simple way to invest in your marriage, here are five reasons to get away with your wife, just the two of you, a couple of times a year:
Taking time away says that you value your marriage.
Getting away for a couple of nights is hard, especially if you have children. But when you make the effort and take the time to do it, you’re saying to your wife, yourself, and other people, “I value our marriage enough to invest in it.” And if you make some of the arrangements for the time away, rather than leaving them all to your wife, it tells her you want to spend time with her and are willing to do what it takes to make that happen. It also tells her that she’s important to you, not just as your partner in the “business” of daily life or as the mother of your children, but as your lover, confidante, and best friend.
Time away from the daily routine enables your wife to relax.
Many women can’t relax completely at home. They see everything that needs to be done and find it hard to break away from their mental “to do” lists. And it seems like somebody at home always needs something from them – time, energy or a bit of their sanity. Even when they do get away, it takes some time to move from “home mode” to “relaxation mode” (so two nights are better than one, if you can swing it).
A weekend away gives you an opportunity to have fun together.
It’s amazing how quickly all the fun can disappear from a marriage. Husbands and wives who used to have a blast together may suddenly discover that their lives consist primarily of jobs, housework, yard work, and children’s sports and activities. Of course, you can (and should) find ways to add some fun to your marriage on a day-to-day basis. But getting away allows you to have a lot of fun in a short period of time, which creates shared memories that can give both of you a boost when life gets tedious.
A break from the pressures of daily life gives you time to talk about things that really matter.
If most of your conversations involve schedules, responsibilities, children, or finances, you need time to talk about things that really matter. What are her hopes, dreams, and fears? What are yours? What do you envision for your future? What goals do you want to work on together? An extended break from your daily routine gives you time and space to talk with her about those things, and to really listen to what she has to say.
Time away from home allows you to enjoy “hotel sex” and to increase the intimacy in your marriage.
Being alone together in a relaxed setting, with no responsibilities and no intrusions, can pave the way for really good sex. More than likely, just being away from needy little people, getting some extra sleep, and not having to dodge piles of laundry on the bedroom floor will make it easier for your wife to let down her guard and get back in touch with her sexy side. And it will give you time to do things that can help both of you relax and really enjoy sex – things that just don’t seem to fit into the daily routine.
If you’re looking for a way to reconnect with your wife, to add joy to your marriage, and to increase intimacy, consider getting her out of the house and into a hotel for a weekend in the very near future. Then keep the connection, joy and intimacy going by planning similar weekends a couple of times a year.
Photo: Flickr/Porto Bay Hotels & Resorts