5 Shocking Signs I Was Being Cheated On

When I hear stories about people being cheated on, usually it’s the same signs: their partner was being emotionally distant and secretive. For me, the signs of being cheated on were a little different.

Love is blind, but some of these signs were easy to miss. The reality is that some of them seemed healthy. Some of them even looked like grand gestures.

Here are five signs I was being cheated on that I overlooked:

1. He’d Wake Up Earlier With the Dogs

My ex had three dogs before getting into a relationship with me, and waking up early to take them out had always been a part of his routine. But when he started waking up even earlier than usual to take them to the park instead of just the backyard, I didn’t think anything of it. Since they were barkers, he would tell me that he was trying to let me sleep in.

But the truth was far worse: he was calling other women in the mornings. While I lay in bed thinking he was being considerate, he was calling someone else.

2. “Taco Nights” Became a Routine

When I was away for work or visiting family, he suddenly started going out at night — something he rarely did when we were together. He said he was going out for “taco nights” with his best friend, and I believed him. Why wouldn’t I? It sounded harmless — and sometimes, his best friend would even say hello during a phone call.

But it became a pattern. He would be a little vague about the details, and then some nights he claimed to be too tired to call me before bed. I told myself he needed time with his friends and that I didn’t want to be the “jealous girlfriend.”

Looking back, it wasn’t just taco nights. He and his friend went to the bars looking for women together.

3. The Midnight Bedtime Routine

When we weren’t together, he would call me at the same time every night — always at 10 p.m. It was “our time.” We’d talk for a bit, and then every night, like clockwork, he’d say he was going to bed at midnight. It was a routine that I would look forward to every night.

But it was all an act.

He wasn’t going to sleep. His goodnight call was a way of making it seem like he was sleeping, when really women were coming over after midnight. He came off as consistent — when in reality, he was just creating an alibi for himself so that he could consistently get away with it.

4. He Talked About the Future All the Time

I can’t even tell you how much he talked about the future. He’d bring up the topic of marriage almost daily. Our kids had names. We had plans for the type of house we would buy to start our family in.

Once I learned that he was cheating, I realized that all the talk of the future was actually a form of overcompensation. He wanted me to believe that he was all in so that I would feel secure and never suspect what he was actually doing.

It was a clever distraction. You’d never think someone who’s talking about a forever with you would cheat.

5. He’d Ask for Permission to Stay Out Late

There were a few times when we were apart when my ex would call me to ask if he could stay out late. It was when those “taco nights” turned into “playing cards” with his best friend’s family.

I thought it was a silly thing to ask permission for at the time, of course. “You’re a grown man,” I’d say. “Why are you asking for permission?”

Whether or not he actually played cards on those nights doesn’t matter. The point was that he was trying to build trust. Someone who cares enough to ask for your consent would never cheat… at least, that’s what you’d think.

The Bottom Line

Sometimes, the telltale signs of cheating aren’t apparent. Instead, what you notice are signs of someone trying to manipulate you. It’s often not until after you find out the truth that everything begins to click into place.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.