5 Shocking Signs I Was Being Love-Bombed

The first time I was love-bombed, it was so foreign and new to me that I didn’t even realize it was happening. Something about the whole experience felt magical and all-consuming; it was unlike anything I had ever known before.

In hindsight, the red flags were glaringly obvious, but they were unlike anything I’d ever experienced, so it was hard even to recognize them. Of course, I experienced the typical signs of love bombing, such as being told it was love at first sight for him and how he thought we were soulmates. However, some of the experiences were unlike anything I’ve ever seen mentioned before.

Here are five shocking signs I was being love-bombed.

1. He told me he would always be loyal because he was cheated on.

I think that one of the first things that drew me in about the ex who love-bombed me was his story about being cheated on. He told me his son’s mom cheated on him with his best friend. I didn’t know at the time that it was a sign of being love-bombed, but… it was.

Listen. I know anyone can be cheated on, and it’s something that some people choose to disclose upfront. But in hindsight, it was all a manipulation tactic. Before we even met in person, he emphasized that loyalty was important to him. He told me he would never break my heart by being unfaithful because he knew what it was like.

He was going out of his way to try to build my trust. He was manipulating me. He was trying to play the part of the wounded hero who would never hurt anyone.

Why it’s a sign of love-bombing: He was using a technique that narcissists use called framing. He wanted me to accept that he was a good, trustworthy guy before I even had the chance to get to know him.

(And plot twist: later on, I would learn that he was the one who had cheated on his ex).

2. He told me he couldn’t be vulnerable with anyone but me.

My narcissist ex would say things like, “You’re the only best friend I’ve ever had” or “I’ve never felt comfortable enough to share this with anyone else.” When you’re falling in love with someone, hearing someone say these things can give you an adrenaline rush and make you feel so special.

Why it’s love-bombing: He was using a technique called idealization. He was creating a fantasy version of me. He was making me feel like I was on a pedestal in his mind, even though that wasn’t how he genuinely saw me.

Early on, he made me seem like a mythical person who held immense value for him. When the love-bombing stage came to an end, he used this to devalue me, acting like I was the one who had changed.

3. He wanted to be exclusive right away.

Before we even met, he told me he wanted the two of us to be exclusive. “I’m not talking to any other girls, so I hope you’re not talking to any other guys.” At the time, it felt refreshing. A lot of the guys who I’d talked to on dating apps before him weren’t interested in more than a hookup and weren’t ready for commitment. Finally someone who wants to commit, I thought.

By date two, he was already talking about the wedding. I thought it was fast, but he also led me to believe he had never met anyone like me before. I was his soulmate. Why wouldn’t he want to marry me?

Why it’s love-bombing: Fast exclusivity isolates you from talking to other guys, so you invest more heavily in the narcissist. The love-bomber also knows you’re less likely to leave them and more likely to forgive their red flags since you’re already in a relationship. It’s the perfect storm for falling victim to their manipulation.

4. He wanted to share phone locations.

I never would have thought that sharing phone locations could be a sign of love-bombing, so when my ex asked to do so, I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t realize then that this wasn’t only love-bombing; it was a control tactic.

Why it’s love-bombing: The narcissist gets to pretend like they’re genuinely concerned about your safety and well-being. It makes them appear like they’re protective and romantic, which makes you trust them more.

In reality, this goes beyond love-bombing. They’re actually keeping an eye on you, to know your whereabouts at all times. It’s the sign of jealousy and insecurity, but they’re masking it as being overly caring.

5. My texts would go ignored, and then he would blow my phone up.

The hot-and-cold cycle was enough to give me emotional whiplash. When I would send texts that would go unanswered for long stretches of time, only to have my phone blow up with texts later on, it was so confusing. During the off moments, I was craving the highs of getting a response.

Why it’s love-bombing: This is a tactic that narcissists use called intermittent reinforcement. They show you affection inconsistently to try to trick you into being addicted to their love. I also believe that the lack of consistency is so that you won’t notice a pattern when the narcissist does find a new “supply” (otherwise known as other women).

The Bottom Line

The signs of being love-bombed aren’t always obvious. The most important thing is to trust your gut. If it’s screaming at you that something is off, it probably is.

The one thing I learned from dating a narcissist is that the right person will calm your nervous system. They won’t leave you feeling like you’re in a state of constant chaos. If things no longer feel like they did in the beginning and you find yourself fighting for their attention, there’s a good chance you’ve been love-bombed.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.