How often do you hear someone say something like, “I have a feeling that my partner doesn’t really love me”? I bet quite often.
Maybe so often that you’ve countlessly had similar thoughts in the past or you’re currently curious if your partner or love interest is equally interested in you.
And if that’s the case, the fortunate thing is that it isn’t always that hard to know your stands in someone’s heart or life.
Because they’re myriad articles, books, and resources out there that can make it so easy to tell by just looking. But there are a few less talked about signs which are just so easy to overlook.
And overlooking them will cost you a considerable amount of precious time you’d rather spend being single than being with someone who isn’t worth it.
That being said, here are a few things that’ll happen when your special someone isn’t really into you.
1. You’re trying too hard to change their minds.
Do you often feel like you’re pushing too hard to get a partner to change their minds towards you even though, you’re getting this feeling that they’re half interested in you?
Yes? That’s completely uncalled for.
Behaviors like this often make people waste a considerable amount of time on people that aren’t worth it.
The harsh truth is that trying to convince someone to like you has its downsides, that’ll most likely make them disinterested in you the more you try to get them to be interested.
You might not mind having to contact them first every single time unless they want something, spending your money whenever you’re with them, being their relentless support source, or whatever, but it’ll never make them like you.
Instead, it’ll make them find you creepy, needy, and desperate which, will, in turn, make them even more disinterested in you.
That’s why you’ll need to learn to cut your losses and move on instead of wasting your precious time with someone that’s mildly interested in being in your life.
Because you deserve better than someone who’ll make you hopeful of a great future together one day, and turn your hope on its head the next day.
Tell yourself: That you’re amazing! That you’re loveable!
And most importantly: That you’ll find someone else who’ll make all the sufferings you’ve been passing through worthwhile.
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2. You barely know their vulnerable sides.
Once someone has gone beyond just being open and vulnerable with you to the extent that you both share a deep emotional bond, you can confidently say that you both share something deeper than mutual interest or attraction to each other.
Wanna know why?
Because when someone is vulnerable with you, they aren’t just being open with their emotions and weaknesses, but in a way, they’re also letting you into their lives, showing you who they really are with all their smooth and rough sides risking being rejected.
But if you’re in an opposite situation where you’re attracted and even seeing someone you barely know anything about, well, I wouldn’t blame you if you’re wondering if they’re really into you.
Some time ago, one of my old-time friends started going out with a guy and she fell deeply in love with him. He meant a lot to her for her to open up her world to him. But we all thought otherwise about his feelings for her and the status of their relationship.
Yes, as her closest friends, we once asked her about her ‘man’ — we were all talking about our partners, but it turned out that she barely know anything about him.
So here’s the gist: Be cautious about a love interest that doesn’t care enough to let you into their world. Don’t be like my friend. And avoid wasting a lot of time on someone who only keeps everything shallow and superficial.
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3. They might be open with you but don’t encourage you to.
Even though I said that someone being open and vulnerable with you is an indication of their sincere interest in you, well, that isn’t always the case. It can’t be quite the opposite.
Not to contradict what I said earlier, but don’t be quick to think someone is really into you because they’ve somehow shown you a glimpse of their vulnerable sides.
Oh boy, you might be making a mistake if you do.
Yes, someone’s openness and vulnerability with you might be a clear indication of their interest in you, but not when they don’t care to know any deep about you.
You might be indeed willing to open up and share your world with them. Which is coming from your own deep interest in them. But they don’t seem like they care.
You might even ignore and excuse them for not asking and go ahead and bare your soul open to them only to later find out that they don’t even remember almost all of the things you’ve ever told them about yourself.
They only make everything about them with little to no interest in you even to ask about your day or life activities.
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4. It feels like you’re trying too hard to sell yourself to them.
I see so many people go beyond just trying to make someone love them to the extent that they practically try too hard to prove their worth to the person.
And guess what?
They end up feeling frustrated and everything but happy in the relationship, in fact, even regretful of all the time they wasted forcing a relationship that was never meant to be.
Wanna know why?
Because you can’t be anywhere near happy, fulfilled, and grateful for a relationship when all you do is try your damnedest to sell yourself to someone who’s never going to recognize your worth no matter how hard you try.
Affection and love aren’t conditional, and neither are they something you have to fight so hard for.
Sometimes, you just have to respect your self-worth and value and avoid chasing and trying to prove to someone who only sees you as an afterthought that you’re worth their love and affection even more than the people they prioritize.
For whatever reason, you don’t have to put a dating prospect on a pedestal up to the extent that you begin to feel the urge to sell yourself to the person because it’s a terrible position to be in.
And if you do, you shouldn’t be surprised if the relationship turns out to be toxic or if they abandon you for someone they’re interested in even before the relationship become official.
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5. They always act out of sync with their words.
I was once involved with a girl. She was cute, sweet, and fun to be with, and I loved her so much. Yet, I later found out that she wasn’t that into me right from time.
Yes, I had the gut feeling and even wasn’t very comfortable with one thing she often did but I never thought of them as red flags.
She’d often tell me how much she loves me and wants to be with me (maybe when we’re having a nice time together or when she decides to pick up my calls or text me back) and the next thing, she’d act in ways that prove otherwise — she’d blatantly turn cold and put up behaviors that prove she doesn’t love me or even want to be with me.
She’d go days without replying to my texts or calls, in fact, she’d often go beyond failing to honor little commitments like promises to call, text, or show up on time, etc, to making me second guess or doubt her feelings for me even though she often told me she loves me — her actions often prove otherwise.
And now I know better than wasting my time and efforts trying to force a relationship with someone who acts out of sync with their words.
Because such kinds of people clearly don’t want a committed relationship with whoever they behave that way towards.
And the worst thing you can ever do is to saddle yourself with the mental efforts it takes to worry and think about how they seamlessly go a complete one-eighty on their assurance that they want a committed relationship with you. It isn’t worth it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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