5 Signs You’re Not as Confident as You Think You Are—Especially Around Women

Everyone loves it.

It’s a positive value appreciated in every part of the world. It’s one of the things everyone wants but few truly understand.

Many think they have it but in reality, that’s not true. And many would even be surprised or argue with you if this is said to their face.

Many confuse it with arrogance, others often confuse it as boldness or…

Loud opinions.
Bravado.
A strong handshake.
A stunning presence.

But it’s not. Real confidence is not usually visible and pretending to have it is easier than you think. Especially when you don’t realize you’re faking it

What most people actually do is develop little habits and defense mechanisms that look like confidence on the outside. But there are actually signs of fear, anxiety, or a deep need of approval on the inside.

But confidence is not all about acting up like you have it all…it’s about being grounded, secure in yourself, and unfazed by whether people approve or not.

So how do you know if your confidence is real or just a performance?

Here are 7 (seven) uncomfortable signs you’re not as confident as you think you’re.

1. You Can’t Handle When a Woman Has Standards or Power

She’s independent, she’s taking her time, she doesn’t want to be rushed or pushed unnecessarily. She knows what she wants, therefore, she doesn’t chase or message you as much as you think.

Then all of a sudden you’re thinking she’s full of herself, just because she makes you feel “small”. You call her too “picky” or “too confident”. But deep down, what you’re feeling is insecure.

You don’t feel confident enough to hold your ground next to a woman who doesn’t need you. Because deep inside of your mind, you don’t fully believe you’re enough without being needed.

Real men are not meant to be scared of women with standards and power; rather, they are attracted and drawn to it’s strength.

If a woman’s power or independence make you feel weak, it’s not about her. It’s about what you haven’t faced in yourself.

2. You Lose Yourself the Moment You Catch Feelings

You’re steady, clear-headed and focused until you fall for her. Then, suddenly, everything changes…

You stop hanging out with your friends
You post your discipline
You cancel your goals
Her mood controls your mood
Her attention becomes your addiction.

You think it’s love, but you have made her your addiction. You’re now obsessed with her. You make her your source of meaning instead of your complement.

The real confidence is knowing, understanding and appreciating who you’re with or without her.

It’s staying grounded even in love and it’s the ability to give your heart without losing your head.

If a woman’s presence causes you to abandon yourself, your confidence, your values or discipline was never internal, it was just borrowed.

3. You Feel the Need to Prove Yourself

You exaggerate your accomplishments. And you’re constantly talking about your goals, and you dislike relating with your failures.

You feel the urge to impress her instead of connecting with or attracting her. Although this is subtle, it matters a lot.

When you feel you have to “perform” to be respected, valued or loved, you’re not operating from confidence, you’re operating from fear.

Confidence isn’t supposed to be loud.
It doesn’t always aim for attention.
It doesn’t need applause
It’s grounded In self trust

A confident man doesn’t need to prove himself or his worth to anyone. He’s just himself, and that’s always enough any day and any time.

4. You’re Overly Nice to Women

It’s a natural responsibility for a man to take care of or be nice or kind to a woman. But when it’s overly done with. The motive of gaining something in return, It may be a sign of lack of confidence.

You’re respectful, well behaved and you say you do all the right things. But it’s not coming from a genuine heart. It’s coming from fear, fear of not wanting to upset or lose her.

You’re scared to be direct with her and you fear honesty can be dangerous. So…you tiptoe, you appease her like a “goddess”and you hold back on what you genuinely feel is right just to “keep the peace”.

A confident man shouldn’t be afraid to disagree with others, where necessary. He speaks his mind, holds a boundary.

5. You Need Female Attention to Feel Validated

You’re only as secure as the last compliment you got and you’re as confident as the last nice things said about you.

You feel good and confident when women say something nice about you, you feel empty when they don’t. And you’re constantly hungry for attention and you’re constantly scrolling for validation.

You flirt from time to time and talk to women not because you’re curious about them. But because you want to feel something about yourself.

This creates a cycle of dependence. Your confidence becomes a house of cards, built on the weak foundation of people’s opinions or reactions.

A confident man doesn’t need attention. Instead, show it by how he carries himself and how he lives.

Conclusion

Confidence shouldn’t be about performance. It should be what you have naturally, regardless of what people think or say about you.

And it’s important to note confidence is not the absolute absence of fear, it’s being you, unmovable and unshakable despite the fear.

You can’t fake confidence forever, at the end of the day your insecurity will show, especially in love. Because the way you relate with women reflects the way you relate with yourself.

So, if you’re performing, shrinking, proving or chasing, stop!. The work isn’t about getting her to want you, it’s about becoming a man you respect, whether she stays or not.

And that’s when the real confidence begins…

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.