How often do you hear something like, “I feel like I’m with the wrong romantic partner”? Lemme guess: often.
Maybe too often that similar thoughts aren’t new to you because you’ve had them countlessly in the past. Hell, maybe you’re currently wondering if your partner is really the one for you.
And if that’s the case, the fortunate thing is that it shouldn’t be that difficult to tell when you’re practically trying to force a relationship that was never meant to be — thanks to your gut feelings or intuition and also the myriad of articles, books, and resources out there that can make it so easy to tell by just looking.
But for a lot of us, it’s even too easier to be drowning in anxiety and fear of accepting the obvious — maybe because we’ve gone too far down the line with that person and can’t stand the thought of losing “everything” we worked so hard for. Or because trying to force things to work even at a significantly earlier stage (with virtually no life built around the relationship) feels easier than being single again or finding someone else.
Well, the truth is, staying in a relationship where all you do is try your hardest to force the spark and the whole thing to work will mean you’re choosing to deny yourself the happy, fulfilling, and worthwhile relationship (where your partner loves you as much as you love them) — that you truly deserve.
That said, here are a few things you’ll likely be familiar with when you’re forcing a relationship with someone that isn’t the one.
1. You’re trying too hard to prove your worth to them
Does it seem like you aren’t just trying too hard to get your partner to change their mind towards you, but you’re practically trying too hard to prove your worth to them despite their indifference?
Yes? That’s completely dumb, stupid, and uncalled for.
Putting up this behavior hasn’t just left a lot of people in frustrating and unhappy situationships, but has also left them regretful of all the time and energy they wasted trying to force a relationship that was never meant to be.
Yeah, that’s obviously because you can’t be anywhere near happy, fulfilled, and satisfied in a relationship when all you do is try your hardest to sell yourself or hell, prove your worth and value to someone who will most likely never recognize your value no matter how hard you try.
You might be chasing or trying overly too hard to prove to your partner that you’re worth their affection and love possibly more than anyone else because you deep down believe that love and affection are conditional and you have to fight so hard to gain theirs. Instead of opening your eyes to the truth: they’re obviously half-interested in you and you might even be their 4th or 5th best choice.
And trying too hard to get them to recognize your value and earn their love at all costs is nothing less than a lack of knowledge of your worth and value.
That’s why you’ll need to learn to cut your losses and move on instead of wasting your precious time with someone that’s mildly interested in being in your life.
Because you deserve a truly lovin’ partner whom you don’t need to sell yourself to because they’ll know your value without you having to prove it all the time.
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2. You’re settling for what you’ll certainly advise someone against
Once someone is genuinely happy, fulfilled, and satisfied with their life, they might likely tend to want the same fate and fortune for at least the people they care most about.
Wanna know why?
Because a lot of us are naturally empathetic, compassionate, and loving towards others even more than we have for ourselves.
That’s why it’s just too easy for a lot of us to advise people close to us against things or decisions we know and believe aren’t good for them. For example, when a friend or someone we care about is in some kind of toxic, unhappy, and unfulfilling situationship, it’s easier for us to be compassionate, supportive, and kind enough to advise them even against such relationships.
But if you happen to find yourself in a relationship you would normally want to caution someone else against, it wouldn’t be surprising that you’re wondering if your partner is really the one for you.
The bottom line? Don’t be inclined to stay in a relationship you’ll certainly want to advise a friend, sibling, or someone you care about against.
You should be honest, and compassionate enough to yourself to leave a relationship you’d equally tell someone that “it isn’t worth it” if they happen to be in your shoes.
And most importantly, be gentle, loving, and kind to yourself and you’ll find that there are other meaningful things to do with your life than trying to force a painstaking and draining relationship to work.
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3. You’re hoping some things about them will change
As long as you might think you love your partner to the core, the truth is if there are many things you wish to change about them, it simply means you’re not in love with who they really are.
It’s no longer news that being in a relationship or love with someone means accepting them as they are, without trying to change them or acting in a judgmental way.
But if you’re bent on changing your partner or hoping that something about them will change, then probably you’re forcing a relationship that’s not just right for you. Because trying to change your partner isn’t just unreasonable, but also harmful to the relationship.
And the harsh reality is, there’s nothing that screams of high incompatibility and even toxicity than having a partner that’s supposed to love and accept you the way you are, incessantly criticize and put you down with the sole intention of changing your core character and who you are.
Here’s the catch: you don’t need to be in a relationship with someone, and you’re holding on to them because you’re secretly hoping that they’ll change a lot of things about themselves, they’re not the one for you.
But rather be in a relationship with someone who simply aligns with your morals, your views, and your goals. You don’t need to have every single little thing in common, but having a relatively similar foundation helps.
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4. Your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their actions
I see so many people take their attempts to force a relationship a step further to being willing to and even practically putting up with a partner that’ll never apologize no matter what they’ve done to them. Worse, they’ll even be the ones always apologizing instead of their partners.
And guess what?
Their relationships are at best void of everything that seems like true happiness and satisfaction. In fact, their relationships often feel painstakingly too wrong all the time.
Wanna know why?
Because having a partner that rarely owns up to their mistakes and apologizes for doing or saying things that hurt you is utterly heartbreaking. Aside from making you somehow feel disrespected, unloved, and unimportant.
And there you have it. If a partner doesn’t really deem it fit to not just apologize for their hurtful words, actions, or inactions, but also make amends and avoid hurting you in the same ways again, you might not be loved or important enough to them. It might even mean that they’re kind of narcissistic. And holding on to such a relationship should logically tell you that you’re trying to force a wrong relationship to work. No more, no less!
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5. You struggle to come to resolutions during conflicts
It’s no big news that misunderstandings, arguments, and fights are also essential and inevitable parts of even the best relationships. But during such times, the very best couples find it pretty easier to make up, come to a compromise, and resolve their differences.
For example, while growing up, I noticed that whenever my parents are having a disagreement which might sometimes result in mind-boggling arguments, they always make up easily.
Even though at times, I couldn’t help but feel scared, sad, or upset, especially when they use loud voices and angry words, I often wake up the next morning to find them on good terms as if nothing happened the previous day. And this is not because they often sweep everything under the rug — it’s always obvious that their love and bond usually becomes stronger after each argument.
Hence, if you and your partner don’t understand each other up to the point where you communicate and compromise with ease during conflicts, you’ve probably got yourself in a wrong relationship that you’re trying too hard to force.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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