5 Simple Reasons Why You Can’t Find a Relationship

You know you’re a catch.

You’re cute, intelligent, hard-working, ambitious, and kind. You’re a loyal friend, have interesting hobbies, and love your family. You know you have all qualities to be an amazing partner.

Still, you can’t find a relationship.

No matter how hard you look, every person you meet is wrong for you. You put yourself out there, go on dating apps, meet new people, and that’s still not enough. You try your best but can’t seem to find love.

At this point, you wonder if the problem is you.

There’s no secret formula to finding a relationship. You can’t control when you meet the right person. But there are things you can do to help. And maybe your actions are the problem (not you).

Even if your mind knows you want love, you’ll never succeed if your actions don’t match it. So although there’s no secret formula, when you change these behaviors, you’ll get closer to finding love.

Here are the things you do that stop you from finding love:

1. You look too hard.

Relationships don’t fall from the sky: it takes effort to find them. So you put yourself out there. You download Tinder, go to bars, and meet new people. You’re not afraid to go after what you want.
It sounds amazing in theory. Practice is way different.

Here’s why: you have to match your partner’s energy. Imagine you’re looking for your partner, and you finally find them. You go all-in, ready to commit and enjoy your love life. Except they wanted to take it slow and get to know you. They’re overwhelmed by your intensity.

It’s the right person, but your energy didn’t match.

When you look too hard, you become too intense. You’re putting in too much time, energy, and even money to find true love. So when you find it, you can’t let it go.

But relationships take two people.

It’s okay to go after what you want. But you also have to consider the other person. If you’re too intense, you’ll scare them away.

When in doubt, take it slow.

2. You never leave your comfort zone.

As we grow older, we develop routines. We go to the same bars and restaurants and meet the same group of friends. It’s more comfortable (and everybody loves to feel comfortable).

But single people who want to find love need to expand their comfort zone.

You can’t expect to do the same things and have different results. If you want to change your life, you have to change your actions.

Here’s how:

Start a new class.
Go to a different bar.
Change your perspective on love (maybe it’s right in front of you).

When you look too hard for love, you come across as desperate. But when you don’t look at all, you come across as sloppy. You have to find the balance between putting in the effort and obsessing over love.

Expanding your comfort zone is uncomfortable (duh), but it makes you grow.

3. You get upset when they don’t reply.

You meet a nice person and have amazing dates. You really connected, and you think this could be the one. Except, when you text, they take hours to reply (when they reply at all). It’s enough to ruin your day.

This reaction is a clear sign that you’re not ready for a relationship.

When something so small upsets you, it means you put too much power into other people’s actions. Your happiness depends on someone else, and that is insanely dangerous.

You can’t find a relationship because you’re not well with yourself.

This reaction shows how easily you let someone else control your life. And relationships are made of two whole individuals (not two halves). Before you find a relationship, you have to handle things by yourself.

A confident person wouldn’t allow a text to ruin their day. Sure, they may get annoyed. But when they notice the other person isn’t invested, they’ll leave.

Yes, you want a partner who answers you. But you’re responsible for your emotions. If you let anyone take control of your feelings, you’ll never find a great partner.

4. You’re annoying.

You know what you want in a partner. But do you know what you don’t want?

Imagine you found the perfect person. They fit all your boxes: a great job, polite, good-looking, and charming. You won the jackpot. What if this person is insanely annoying? You probably would run as fast as you can. Your partner thinks the same.

You can have all the qualities in the world, but one flaw can kill your chances.

You may not think about it, but you’ll (hopefully) spend most of your life with your partner. So you want someone who is easy to be around. People will run from you if you’re annoying and difficult to please.

Here are annoying attitudes:

Complain about minor details.
Jump to conclusions without talking.
Demand explanations too early in the relationship.
Think of finding love instead of genuinely meeting someone else.

Your partner isn’t looking for a date; they’re looking for a life partner. So don’t focus on small qualities; focus on being a nice person to be around.

5. You want adventure.

What’s your idea of love? That feeling of butterflies in the stomach, constant adventures, and overwhelming emotions? If your answer is yes, you’ll be single for a long time.

Love has nothing to do with adventure.

Can you imagine how exhausting it is to live on the edge, Wondering if your relationship will survive the next obstacle? If love were a never-ending rollercoaster of emotions, nobody would do it.

Love is calm, not overwhelming.

You want a partner to build a life together. You’ll make plans, organize your finances, and decide what to prepare for dinner. Love lies in the routine. And most routines are boring.

Love is a stable rock that gives you strength, not a crazy adventure.

You’re not wrong if you want adventure. But if that’s your priority, real-life love will bore you. So you’ll send the right person away just because you had the wrong idea of love.

…

Although your intentions are great, some attitudes may have the opposite result. Instead of looking for love, you’re sending it away.

There’s no one-fits-all recipe to finding love. Sometimes, you do everything right, and it still doesn’t work. Other times, you’re not doing anything at all, and you find the perfect person.

But there are a couple of things you can do to help yourself.

The best thing you can do is stop making these mistakes. This way, when you finally meet the right person, you’ll be ready (and not drive them away). Don’t overthink love. Love is a journey, even if you haven’t found it yet. So do your best to enjoy the ride.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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