5 Simple Ways to Transform Rejection Into Resilience

Too many people never live the life they want because they fear rejection.

But whether it’s asking out the hot person, or applying for that coveted job, most of the things we want lie on the other side of risk.

So the more comfortable you can be with rejection, the more likely you are to embrace the opportunities that will unlock your happiness.

And one of the finest ways to inoculate yourself is by turning the poison into the cure.

Here’s how to transform rejection into resilience.

#1. See It as a Sign You’re Pushing Your Limits

You’ll get nothing done without pushing yourself and seeing what you can take. Because it’s at the edge of our competencies that we get to gaze into the abyss and see what’s in store for us if we work harder. Or where we’ll stay if we let ourselves stagnate.

If we only ever try out for what we think is in our capability, we’ll never know how much better we could be. For it’s in trying to push beyond where we are that inspires growth and change.

And that has the power to transform not only us, but the trajectory of our lives.

#2. Embrace The Emotions

Sad? Gutted? Relieved?

Rejection serves up a buffet of feelings. And that’s a good thing. You want to feel these things. Because without the feeling, there’s no experiencing. So what’s the point?

There’s a reason coaches use the emotional pain when trying to motivate a team after a big loss.

Do you like this feeling? Do you like feeling like a loser? No? Then remember this next season when you’re feeling tired in practice. Work hard to never feel this way again.

Never shame yourself for being a thinking, feeling human being. Some emotions are supposed to feel bad. It’s what makes things all the sweeter when things go well.

Don’t rob yourself of the full-colour, HD 1080p version of your experiences. Embrace them. Work through them. Then move on.

Hiding from your emotions is how you fast-track yourself into therapy. It’s not worth it. It’s a banquet of delusions and a drought of self-awareness.

#3. Don’t Let It Define You — Make Sure YOU Define IT

If you see rejection as evidence you’re a failure and not cut out for something, that’s on you. I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear this. But if you’re reading this then you probably need to hear that.

But psst, here’s a little secret. That’s actually exactly what you want.

Because rejection gives you the chance to define and then manifest the best you.

If resilience is the ability to adapt to and overcome stress, trauma, tragedy, and adversity, then it’s in the striving for it that we actualise into this state. It’s in your ability to bounce back, and apply the growth it offers.

So the first step is the first step — move forward. Or at least, move on. Don’t sit on your setback. Take a step today, no matter how small, and you’re already showing you are stronger than the issue.

Frame it in the way appropriate to you and your development.

“I was rejected by this company because I’m not cut out for this job”

becomes

“I was rejected because I lack certain skills. I will now see my next adventure as trying to find these skills, or accept I don’t want to learn these skills, and so this job isn’t a good fit for me”.

You have a choice. Make it.

And more importantly…

#4. Appreciate It for the Lessons It Offers

Inside every rejection there’s a nugget of wisdom you wouldn’t get from anywhere else.

Resilience means turning the data of a rejection from noise to signal.

Dial in on what serves you. What enriches or develops you. Because it’s right there. You might need to squint a bit at first, like one of those magic eye puzzles. But I promise you it’s there.

What stops you seeing it are things like hurt feelings, insecurity, and a lack of humility. Recognise this and calibrate against it. Re-tune your antennae.

But word to the wise: don’t learn the wrong lesson.

Saying ‘learn from your mistakes’ can offer carte blanche to a negative mind to flagellate us with our failures. But you’re smarter than that, aren’t you?

Take the constructive lessons that will make you better equipped next time. Then move on.

#5. Wear It as a Badge Of Honour

Fight the urge to see rejection as an excuse to hide next time. Do the opposite. See it as a notch on your club. It’s another step towards the life you want. You’re one experience better off than you were before.

Many people see rejection as a reflection on them. They then use it as justification to ‘stay in their lane’ in future.

Balderdash.

“It’s unfortunate that this has happened. No. It’s fortunate that this has happened and I’ve remained unharmed by it — not shattered by the present or frightened of the future. It could have happened to anyone. But not everyone could have remained unharmed by it.” — Marcus Aurelius

The path to being the person you want to be is littered with these failures and rejections. So see any setbacks as the training you needed. It could have happened another way, but it didn’t. So here you are.

To avoid them is to avoid the real you. Wear them proudly. Don’t regret a single one. And don’t change a damn thing.

Conclusion

Rejection is a fact of life.

And if you want to do anything worth doing, expect to face it a lot.

Rather than avoiding difficult things, or learning to turn off your emotions, instead work on transforming your rejection into resilience.

Recognise it’s part of pushing your limits, and that this is a part of growth
Embrace the emotions, and be present with them. They’re a part of you, and a healthy part of your journey. Sit with them without letting them take over
Don’t let rejection define you, instead define it. Frame it however you can to serve your goals and growth
Look for the lessons, and apply the wisdom of your experiences. Just make sure you’re learning the right lessons
Wear your rejection as a badge of honour. It’s a lot more impressive to be someone who keeps going despite rejection, rather than being someone who never takes a chance to get rejected. Be bold

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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