Too much of insecurities can kill your relationship.
Sadly it happens all the time. People quit a relationship because they’re tired of convincing the other person how much they love them.
Trust issues are real, but that doesn’t mean you have no control over them.
So how can you be more confident in a relationship so you and your partner can improve and grow together in the long run?
Here are my practical tips — which I’ve been applying to my relationship. These also keep me from sabotaging it.
1. They express their feelings — instead of bottling up
An insecure partner chooses to bottle up their feelings because they don’t want to have uncomfortable conversations. But a confident partner does the opposite.
They embrace those difficult talks because it’s much better to put it all out there rather than keep it for themselves. When they don’t feel good about certain things that their partner does, they speak up.
Refusing to express your feelings and communicate them effectively will only build resentment in the long run.
I know this because I’ve seen many relationships around me fail because of these small mistakes.
Little things add up, and before you know it, you can no longer mend the damage.
2. They don’t demand reassurance all the time
A confident partner won’t ask you over and over again whether they’re enough for you or not.
They know already. They don’t doubt themselves, let alone demand reassurance from you.
Nothing’s more mentally draining than dating someone who doesn’t know their worth. A highly insecure person always seeks reassurance from their partner so they can feel better about themselves.
While there’s nothing wrong with asking your partner for reassurance, it’s merely a reminder.
You should feel secure and confident without needing your partner’s comforting words.
3. They work on their insecurities instead of expecting their partner to fix them.
Following up on the previous point, confident people work on their insecurities.
They don’t expect their partner to fix it. They’re fully aware it’s their job in the first place.
Let’s say once they got jealous after seeing their partner talk to their co-worker. Instead of lashing out and pulling the blaming game, they’d decide to work on that feeling.
They ask themselves if it’s worth bringing up to their partner. They control their emotions instead of letting them sabotage their relationship.
Therefore, someone confident and secure in a relationship won’t act passive-aggressive or overly jealous. They know it’ll only ruin what they have with you.
4. They have strong boundaries and keep them
Over and over again, I’ve seen confident people in their relationships tend to maintain their boundaries.
They let their partner know those boundaries in the beginning and expect their partner to respect them.
If their partner happens to cross the line, they aren’t afraid to walk away. Insecure people, on the other hand, tend to ignore their needs and boundaries once they’re in love with someone.
Most of them don’t even have one. So when things go south in their relationship, they most likely stay in the toxic relationship.
While walking away from someone they love isn’t always easy for someone with strong boundaries, it’s just something they would do. Because to them, what’s the point of being in a relationship where you can’t be yourself?
Boundaries are necessary to keep a relationship healthy. Without it, you won’t know what you deserve.
5. They live their life — outside of the relationship
In my early 20s, I dated one overly jealous and possessive guy. He’d revolve his life around me — which made the relationship hard to breathe only after a couple of months.
He didn’t have a life outside our relationship and wanted to do everything together all the time. I called it to quit shortly after.
Revolving your life around your partner isn’t attractive. It’s one of the fastest ways to ruin your relationship.
There’s more to life than just a relationship bubble.
There’s your career, hobby, family, and close friends. If you only focus on your love life, it’s about time until the relationship collapses.
A highly confident partner doesn’t put their happiness on their relationship only.
Of course, it feels better to have someone with whom you can share life. However, they’re practical enough to think that one area alone won’t be enough.
So they make sure to have other things going on outside their relationship.
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For a recap, here’s what a confident partner does to keep the relationship healthy and thriving:
- They ensure to communicate their feelings to their partner — especially when something bothers them.
- They’re secure enough not to demand reassurance from their partner.
- They work on their insecurities.
- They let their partner know their boundaries and do their best to keep them.
- Their lives don’t revolve around their partner.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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